I am currently enrolled in my freshman year of college and I just moved in yesterday. Im having a really hard adjusting to the college life. I feel as if I haven’t made any friends. Everyone I see is already hanging out and going to parties and I’ve just been sitting in my dorm. I’ve tried becoming friends with my roommate but he is totally different from me and we don’t click at all. I’ve always tried to become friends with people on my hall but they all know each other from high school and it makes it more difficult. I have tried to make other friends aside from my roommate but i feel like no one is giving me the time of day and it hurts. Its getting to the point where i just walk around campus hoping to find some to approach or someone to approach me. Today when I woke up i reassured myself that everything is gonna get better, but then my mom texted me and asked me how everything was going and I lost it. I started bawling my eyes out and began breaking down because I felt forced to tell her that i was having fun because i don’t want to disappoint her or my dad or make them feel sad for me. I am really distraught and I just need some advice to make things better
You just moved in yesterday?? You’ve barely had any time to adjust. Give yourself a chance to settle in. Classes haven’t even started (plenty of people to befriend there). Your school probably has an activity/involvement fair during this first week or so. Go check it out, join a few clubs, attend the clubs, make friends that way. There are hundreds of ways to make friends, but none of them have even started yet – you just moved in!
You have only been there one day. You are making a big adjustment and believe me, you are not the only student feeling what you are feeling right now. If this is the first time in your life when you have moved somewhere new and away from your family, it can feel daunting. Don’t lie to your mother about how you are feeling, she can give you supportive words that can be soothing.
Find someplace to hang out where there is social activity going on, be friendly, reach out, take a chance. You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, and can find friends that you don’t live with. Don’t hole up in your dorm, be patient. Also, explore clubs and activities, these are often the best place to make friends.
Northernmom is right. You are not the only one. I moved in yesterday to a house with 6 college students.
I have not seen 1 of the. Last night i thought i was the only one in the house and turns outs there where 3 people in the house . I felt, and still feel left out. I went to the store to buy groceries and i felt like an outcast. So yeah, you are not the only one. Also, tell you parents how you feel. I did and talking to them about it made me feel more comfortable.
Thank you for your advice. Im going to this icebreaker event tonight so hopefully ill meet some new people. And i really want to let my parents know how i feel but my mom took me leaving kinda hard (even though I’m only and hour and 45 minutes away) and i feel like if I tell her than it will hurt her even more and i hate to see her hurt.
It won’t hurt your mom to tell her how you feel. She is going through her own adjustment too, and the struggle is normal.She would prefer you are honest and even though she can’t do anything to help you except encourage you and love you, that is enough.
College is rough in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work in the first few days. I discovered that floors can be cliquey. I wound up having nearly no friends on my floor, or even in my building for that matter. Try seeing if a table with 1 or 2 people in the dining hall would be willing to have you join them (most people will be willing). Your classes are gonna start soon, so that’ll give you a chance to meet people.
And call your parents. It’ll help you and them if you can speak to a familiar voice for a bit. My own mom had a very difficult time dropping me off as we’re close, but calling her often helped both of us. I hope your ice breaker event goes well tonight!
It can take quite a while to settle in and find your group. Remember that all the other freshman are looking for new friends, too, so don’t be afraid to go to activities and talk to people. But don’t expect to miraculously find close friends overnight. Go easy on yourself, and keep trying activities, study groups, clubs, etc. If you are still having a hard time in a month or two, look for campus volunteer opportunities or get a part time job – both can be good ways to meet people.
First days are rough, but just hang in there.
There are a great many places to meet new people, so don’t be discouraged. Do y’all have a week of welcome event of some sort? If so, that’s a great opportunity to meet new people.
I had to same experience at first- everyone on my dorm floor seemed to be best friends within the week. I found my closest friends outside of that dorm, so don’t give up yet.
You just moved in. Get involved in club, meet people in class. Don’t sweat it.
Thanksgiving? There might be a ride share group on Facebook for your school. If you get a three day weekend sometime before Thanksgiving maybe you can catch a ride home.
Good luck. It’s hard but most people have to go through what you’re going through eventually. Ask yourself what your life would be like in five years if you curled up at home and didn’t go to college.
I can picture myself feeling exactly how you feel, though I haven’t moved in yet. In addition, LOTS of people know each other from high school in the college I’m going to…
I’m planning to push myself really hard and just talk (I’m really shy). And tell myself it’s ok if I look/say something stupid. Maybe join a club or two.
Good luck!
Dude, listen to me. It is very normal to have such feeling. And you don’t need to worry, as most of your classmates have a similar feeling with you. Most of us are shy to make friends with others. But after several days, you may find out some people with the same hobby to you. You can communicate with them for your favourite topics and you may be friends naturally. For me, my best friend and I both like to watch concerts and we often buy concert tickets together. We have much fun play together.
Don’t worry it’s completely normal and it seems about 99% of kids go through it. My son is having a hard time to and I never thought he would. He is really good looking and dresses great and never has had a hard time meeting people. Everyone at his high school loved him … he is a very sweet kid and very neutral personality… he just goes with the flow … not a jock but played a lot of sports and was #2 in his class and had tons of friends. I thought he would go to college and have 100 friends the first day because where ever he goes he has a super easy time meeting people. We go on vacations and he meets strangers and has 10 “best friends” by the end of the week.
I was really shocked when he said he felt so out of place and confused why he wasn’t clicking with anyone. He said he doesn’t feel anyone is like him and everyone else has tons of friends … which I know is not true but that is what he is preserving is happening. He is mainly confused because this is the first time this has ever happened to him. I feel really bad for him … but then I remember my sister had the same problem and was very poplular in high school and very pretty and joined the best sorority the first few weeks in college and still was crying to my mom to come home and wanted to transfer. My parents wouldn’t let her and she ended up loving college and saying it was the best time of her life. It took her about 2 to 3 months to adjust and meet people. We just went to her wedding and all her college best friends where there and everyone raved about how amazing college was so even if it feels like it is starting bad it will get better.
My son has signed up for as many clubs as he thinks he can handle and will rush a fraternity in the 2nd semester. I think between the 2 things he will meet his “people” and everything will change.
I think people are under the impression only “shy” quiet people have a hard time meeting friends but that is not true at all … everyone is having a hard time adjusting so don’t feel alone.
I would just like to thank everyone for their advice. I am now very comfortable with the social aspect of college. I’ve met some really cool people and I have joined some clubs and I am looking forward to see what the rest of the year has to offer.
Thanks for the update @dboykins. It is great to hear that with patience and perseverance things are falling into place. Best of luck to you.