Different perspective: We let DS#1 apply to his “dream” school ED, though we suggested he apply EA (the school no longer offers EA but did back then). and he probably would have gotten more merit aid if he’d applied EA rather than ED. To add to this, he got into his safety (our flagship Tech school that would have been very inexpensive and is now much harder to get into) the day before his ED acceptance came. We promised both our kids we’d pay for undergrad, and the cost then, while by no means cheap, was manageable for us, and did not require any loans.
But here is what made the difference. My late mother, for whom education was very meaningful and a very high priority, knew where DS#1 was going to college, and she was extremely happy for and proud of him. A month or so later she became acutely ill and lost consciousness before we would have known the results if he had applied EA. She passed away shortly thereafter. We certainly had no idea this would happen, but the fact that she knew where he was going to college and was so immensely proud of him still brings tears to my eyes, almost 13 years later. For that tidbit I am eternally grateful, and it was worth, to me, every penny.
“I figure at this point it’s too late to change anything”
Absolutely NOT! Her aplication can be put in the RD pile by a simple email/ phone call from her and / or her HS counselor.
If YOU are the ones paying for college, then you have every right to tell your DD that given your families financial circumstances, you now realize that you cannot afford to pay more for her to go to her ED college than the colleges she has already been accepted at. So she needs to change her application to RD, so you can compare ALL financial aid offers, and then decide.
She IS going to college. And her life will NOT end if in the end she doesnt go a more expensive college than you can comfortably afford.
Consolation- that was my lifestyle as well. But I interview new grads and counsel young people who have “failed to launch” and am astonished at the lives that young people anticipate having these days- fresh out of college- in entry level jobs.
I did not have a single friend at my college who owned a car. Yes- there were the “wealthy international students” who had cars. But nobody else did- even the kids who came from very affluent homes and old money.
In my neighborhood (a mix of somewhat affluent and not) it is common for kids to get cars in HS. So they take those cars to college- and the idea of living without a car once they graduate is heresy.
Back in the day you knew you’d be having roommates for the first few years after graduating. Now I meet college seniors who tell me they requested a single for “medical reasons” for Freshman year in college, and literally have never shared a room other than a suite with a private bedroom. And they are absolutely NOT having roommates once they graduate.
Back in the day- I got my first manicure before my wedding as a special treat from my co-workers. I know some students in college who consider a professional manicure a weekly event.
And so on. Expectations have changed. It is much harder to guide your kids towards a frugal lifestyle if all their friends are eating sushi for lunch and taking Uber instead of the public bus.
Do you mean that you would need to borrow $4500 annually over four years (total $18,000 over 4 years). Or did you mis-type, and mean that you expect to $45,000 over 4 years?
Either way I personally feel that it is wrong for a parent to to impose an additional loan burden on a child beyond the max that the school can offer in direct student loans. If you as a parent need to borrow to finance the college – fine – I certainly did, for both my kids - but that should be your debt that you are willing to shoulder. If that is not something you are comfortable with as an income-earning adult… then I don’t think you are doing your daughter any favors by setting her up for an increased debt load.
While the maximum that the student can borrow in their own name woefully inadequate to pay for college, it has a good grounding in reality as to what a young person entering the workforce with a bachelor’s degree can reasonably be expected to pay to service the debt. When students go much beyond that, they very often end up in trouble, simply because the debt service is too much for them to handle. And while the student may be able to take advantage of an income based repayment program or potential loan forgiveness if she opt for nonprofit or public service work – those protections wouldn’t apply to the extra chunk of debt you take on and think you can transfer to her later on.
So if that’s your plan, then I would really encourage you to ask your daughter to shift the ED to RD, so she will have the ability to make a more level-headed decision in the spring, with all the numbers available to her.
As a parent, you would also be doing her a big favor if you take the time to explore what her loan debt will mean post-college. It’s easy for a 17-year-old who has never had to worry about paying their rent to have a cavalier attitude toward debt – it seem like free money until the day that it’s a lump sum coming out of a limited income, month after month, especially if the monthly paycheck always seem to come up short.
And the reason that you benefit from shifting to RD, rather than simply keeping open the option to walk away from ED in December - is that you keep all options open for the spring, as well as the potential to explore more options. Yes, it could impact admissions chances… but what good are improved “chances” if it means that your daughter may be forced to make an excruciating decision to pass up on an admissions offer in December?
Current parents from suburban backgrounds may have grown up in tract houses of 1,000 to 1,500 ft^2. Now, it seems that most suburban developments have houses significantly larger than that, and many older houses have been added on to, so the current generation of kids is growing up in bigger houses than their parents did. The families may have had more cars than in the past, more and better televisions than in the past, etc…
@northwesty there are other issues than THIS student. The students school counselor dealt with that ED application. Colleges expect ED applicants to enroll if accepted. This college might not be so open to accepting future ED applicants from this HS if students who apply ED don’t accept the offer of admission.
You know…really…the time to clear up,second thoughts about ED applications is BEFORE you submit annED application.
I think this student should switch to regular decision…ASAP.
From what the OP has shared, I think the family needs to compare various FA offers before making a decision. By applying ED, they may need to turn it down without the ability to make any comparison. I think the family would be better off to change the ED to RD, evaluate all options before making a decision. The ED school may turn out to be the best option at the end and it would be a shame to turn it down so they could see all of their RD options.
I think you’re just getting cold feet. When my dear student didn’t get into her ED school, I was relieved thinking that she may have many more acceptances at top schools and haver her pick. I was wrong. While ED and SCEA are really for the benefit of the schools, not the student, the student does have a better chance at getting in. So my best advice having gone thru this twice in the last 3 years, is to stay the course. If your student gets into their ED school, she/he you will be happy. If not, they still have RD and opportunities will open up. Our first student didn’t get into her ED college but did get into another world class university with a scholarship.
“I think you’re just getting cold feet.”
the PARENT is getting SCARED about the cost of sending her DD to her ED college, IF she is accepted ED, instead of having the ability to compare ALL FA/ scholarship offers so BOTH will know how much [ or little] it will ACTUALLY cost. Having to spend more to send a child to college than might be necessary is not something that makes all parents “feel happy”
OP, you have gotten good advise on this thread from some VERY experienced CC parents- oldfort, thumper1, blossom , lookingforward and calmom, who have ALL been on this site for over a decade and have seen, as I have, the financial toll it can take on families for allowing children to apply ED, and then realize they cant afford to send them to their ED college after all.
so heed our advise- have your DD change her ED app to RD.
Based on everything you have said I would definitely switch from ED to RD. It will give you time to consider all the options (plus I really don’t think that ED gives kids quite the bump that people think it does).
the student does have a better chance at getting in.
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This really is not true on an individual basis. It is true statistically – fewer students apply ED, and of those who apply, a higher percentage are accepted – but that doesn’t mean that an individual student will necessarily fare better ED than they would RD. Institutional priorities change over time as the class takes shape, so it’s always possible that some students are accepted during the RD round based on factors that were not seen as important to the selection process during the ED round.
And the example of a student who didn’t get into her ED school and also didn’t get acceptances at top schools during RD is not an argument in favor of ED – it suggests that the particular schools were too reachy for that student, and applying ED didn’t help except as possibly an indicator that the student was aiming too high.
It’s never a good situation if someone feels locked into a purchase they really can’t afford, and it creates undue pressures in other ways. Everyone will indeed be happy in the beginning, but as the bills pile up they may come to seriously regret their decision… and there is always the possibility that a student is later forced to discontinue their education for financial reasons.
It’s one thing when the family is financially comfortable with paying their EFC at the ED school… quite another when they find the price tag daunting.
We allowed both of our kids to apply ED , but only because it was to our state schools. Would not have signed off on ED for more expensive schools. If you are having second thoughts about costs, switch to RD ASAP, as others are suggesting.
Does anyone know a student who applied ED and then called the school weeks after the deadline (but before decisions) to switch into the regular decision pool? For which the school allowed the student to switch? Then was admitted in the RD round.
RD is just a code change for the file. If an AO already read it and liked the student, I wouldn’t assume he/she will hold some grudge. They’re too busy and too vested in building a good class.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I think cold feet definitely describes how I’m feeling. Talked it with D and H and I am the only one feeling this way. Merit aid from other schools has not changed their opinion that this is the right decision.
I don’t know if it would make a difference in anyone’s opinion, but the ED is for the Huntsman Program at UPenn. She is already RD for her second choice there and I s sticking with ED for Huntsman. It’s a super competitive program, so there’s a good chance she won’t end up getting admitted, which is why she’s continuing to fill out applications elsewhere. (And I guess I can secretly hope that she doesn’t get in. Kinda like when you root for your kid’s team to lose in the tournament so you can finally go home.
We are a frugal family and D has had a checking account with debit card and job since she was 15. She already buys her own clothes (the majority from thrift stores) and personal items and has a healthy savings account that will go towards school costs. She knows how to budget and live within her means, and understands what the loans mean financially. I think I’m struggling because, while we don’t actually follow Dave Ramsey’s program, we have worked very hard to live debt free. There is irony in that our debt free lifestyle has led us to pay off our mortgage which is now working against us and part of why we have to take college loans if D goes to a CSS school.
So for now I’m just going to try to convince myself that it’s going to be all right. And if the cold feet gets worse, have a private talk with just H and see if maybe my seeds of doubt have changed his mind.
I am intersted in your assumption about how your EFC would change with a 2nd kid in college. Won’t this vary from school to school, and depends on where your 2nd kid attends?
