Having trouble fitting in and making friends

College Confidential Community
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<p>Ok Im going to warn you guys that this post is going to be pretty long. So who ever reads this I really do appreciate it. Its going to take alot for me to explain this and how I feel about things. I do feel lame coming to this site asking for help, but I really need some advice from whoever reads this.</p>

<p>Let me first say Im a junior, playing football, making good grades and attends a small college.</p>

<p>I have been at this school for 3 yrs. I do have friends, but the problem is I dont feel like they are really my friends. We hang out, but we never hang out alot on weekends. The problem is because I can be a little shy and I DONT DRINK. I do drink a little, but I dont drink like 90% of the people on campus to the point Im having hangovers the next day. So people never invite to hangout with them. </p>

<p>So on weekends, Im usually by myself in my dorm room either playing video games or watching movies. It sounds cool to do sometimes, but this is college and I know Im suppose to be having fun on weekends. After 3 yrs of doing this it is starting to get to me. This leads into my next problem.</p>

<p>So earlier this year (2011) there was this girl that I liked. It took a while for me to get her attention, but when I did, we came a little close (at least thats what I thought).</p>

<p>We were talking on the phone, eating together, walking together, sitting n chilling together in the park,texting eachother everyday, and went out on ONE date.</p>

<p>So one night we had this festival at our school. We were hanging out with each other. Around mid night I asked her "do you wanna go somewhere else?"</p>

<p>She said "ummm no I have to go to the bar with my friends, even though I dont feel like going."
I said "why do you HAVE to go if you dont feel like it?"
She said "because its her boyfriend friend's birthday."
I didnt know what to say because I didnt know she had a boyfriend, especially when we did all those things together.</p>

<p>So the next day "I asked her why didnt you tell me you had a BF?"
She said "I dont know, you never asked. And it would be lame if I told you I had a boyfriend for no reason. I thought we were just close friends anyways."</p>

<p>I responded "even if we were just close friends, you still could have told me because we were hanging out with each other way too much. Even other kids thought we were dating. I said I mean Im not mad, If I knew you had a BF I just would not text you everyday and hang out with you as much as I did, such as taking you to the mall or sitting with you in the park."</p>

<p>Also before that, she told me the guy she was dating, she and him were only really good friends. So in a way she kinda lied when she told me I never asked.</p>

<p>And when she told me she had a BF, that let me knew that she was PROBABLY lying about other things.</p>

<p>There were plenty of times when I asked her "if she wanted to do something tonight."
She always had an excuse, such as "Im studying, Im sleeping early, or Im going to the bar with my girlfriends."</p>

<p>There was this one example that happened over spring break. I went home for spring break since my house is only a hour away while she stayed on campus since she was an international student. </p>

<p>She said she was doing absolutely nothing over spring break. So I told her well we can hang out. She said ok. We didnt go out until 2 days before our break ended since she always had an excuse, such as Im going out to eat with my girlfriends or Im going to the movies. </p>

<p>By that time I didnt really want to take her out because the point of asking her out over spring break was to hang out multiple times. But we went out anyways. Went to the mall first. Then we were trying to go see a movie. She wanted to see an early movie time (7:30pm) and I wanted to see a later movie time (8:15pm) so we could go to a restaurant and have some time to talk; plus she told me she didnt have to be back at a certain time. So there was no point in seeing an early movie time. We tried ended up seeing the later movie time because we got lost on our way to the movies since we was trying to catch the earlier time.</p>

<p>After the movie she had an attitude while I was driving her back. When I dropped her off she went to a party, but I figured that was the reason she wanted to catch the earlier time, to make it back early at the party.</p>

<p>So yea now we are not talking unless we see eachother. But we no longer text at all. I did say I was sorry (I dont think I should have apologized) for getting a little upset since she told me she had a BF. I never cussed her out or got an attitude with her when she told me that.</p>

<p>So like I said I was having trouble making friends at this school. She was the one person that I was starting to hang out with. Since Im having trouble making friends at this school because Im not a big drinker, I felt that I was WRONG to her. I felt that it was my fault. I still do feel that way. </p>

<p>Should I try to be her friend still even though she had a BF or move on? Was she trying to play me? I have no idea why she would hang out with me during the day, but not at night. Was she talking to me only because she was bored? Me personally I feel that I should move on, but I still feel that it was my fault for messing up that friendship or relationship, what ever it was we had because Im having alot of trouble making friends at this SMALL college.</p>

<p>So any advice or help?</p>

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<p>I’m a Mom and not another college kid, but this girl does not sound like somebody you can trust. It sounds to me like she was leading you on when she told you that she and her BF were just good friends. She liked the attention from you and she didn’t want it to end, so she avoided telling you about her BF. </p>

<p>As hard as it is, I think you should move on from trying to be friends with her. I went to a very small college years ago and I remember how hard it is when you keep running into somebody that you have an awkward relationship with. You’re a little lonely anyway, and she was the one person you thought you were connecting to, and that makes it a really tough situation for you. </p>

<p>Is there any way you can try something new, join a new club, get a part time job, help out with a school play or something, just to meet some new people who might have more in common with you? You seem to be on a path to depression and you need to do something to get off that path and form some deeper friendships.</p>

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<p>Thanks yea Im involved with the theater program. I work for them. Its like a small campus job. But theater kids are “weird” at least at this school. Im also involved with this small group on campus we host parties and things. Im on the track team. I mean yea I have friends, but Im not really close to them. For example, everything I said in that post, I would not share with them. But thanks for the reply</p>

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<p>Maybe the way to turn some of the casual friendships into something deeper would be to share more with them. You say that you wouldn’t say all the stuff in your post to any of your friends, but maybe you should give that a try. Something like “This girl is driving me nuts. What do you think I should do?” and then tell them the story. People might surprise you. They might be looking for closer friends too…even those “weird” theater kids might turn out to be great listeners!</p>

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<p>Yea your probably right… Thanks.</p>

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<p>Stay away from her. Going after her now would make you look desperate and she will hurt you.
There are plenty of kids in your situation. Hang in there and you’ll come across someone to hang with. You’ve got to put yourself out there.</p>

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<p>Yeah stay away from the girl she’s just gonna cause trouble and pain lol. Since you have friends that’s a good start I guess you just need to connect on a deeper level with them,
Try to hangout with them more and get to learn more about them and let them learn some things about you. That way you will have a better friendship and create a more trustful and honest relationship. You definitely do not have to drink to have fun and your real friends won’t care if you choose not to drink at parties. I guess that might be a disadvantage of a small school there are only so many people you can meet.</p>

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<p>Yes gettingridofson your right. I felt like I would be despreate trying to talk to her.</p>

<p>thanks gettingridofson and invader71. Man thats the advice I need. I felt as if I was the one that was wrong. But thanks guys. That helps alot.</p>

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<p>It takes courage 1. to make new friends & 2. to move on from a girl"friend" . When you are couregous you are usually rewarded. </p>

<p>It sounds like you use caution when you make friends but maybe you need to put yourself out there (by sharing & talking) without being too much of a dork. If you can develope your communication skills it will come more easily. (Not public speaking but comm 101) </p>

<p>Comm 101 goes like this: When your friends are talking if you are really listening to what they say - you can often ask them another very relevant, petinent question, then they keep talking & think you’re the best guy to be around. Be careful not to interogate. Sometimes you might need to be the conversation starter-- nobody likes to hang with boring people… </p>

<p>Get some books or take a Comm 101 course. Don’t stay in your room playing video games byself- that’s dull. Good Luck!</p>

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<p>I agree with what others have already said. Move on and know that you did nothing wrong in this situation. You are caught in a vicious circle though and that’s what I’m more concerned with here. You play video games and stay in on weekends, because you haven’t felt real connections/friendships with people. You don’t feel real connections/friendships with people because you stay in all weekend playing video games by yourself. Difficult to say which came first. You have to make yourself join a club or organization of some kind. The only way to really find your nitch is to break out of your comfort zone. This isn’t’ working --staying in by yourself. I have a lot of respect for you and know that you will go very far in life with the kind of character you have.</p>

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<p>Once again thanks, Ill try harder</p>

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<p>You don’t need that girl. If you feel distrust for anyone use as a sign to move on. I’m going to be a freshman in college this year and I’m not a drinker like many of my peers today. But i wouldn’t let that aspect of me alter my way of thinking. Bottom line, everything happens for a reason.Learn from this experience and move on. There are many real people that will like you for who you are unlike that fake using girl u spoke of. Good luck and never let anyone put you down and in this situation u should have NEVER apologizde for something u never did</p>