<p>I am in a very frustrating and odd situation here. All I need is some advice on how to deal with my over-controlling and stubborn parents.</p>
<p>In 2007 I moved from my mom's house in Northern California to my dad's in Southern California (parents divorced) so that I could have a better chance to do well in school and participate in sports. While that certainly has happened and it is the best choice I have ever made in my life, my dad and stepmom have become increasingly controlling.</p>
<p>They aren't necessarily overprotective, I can hang out with my friends virtually whenever I want within some limits, but everything else is controlled. Before senior year started they gave me a list of dates with exact, detailed instructions on what they wanted me to do for the admissions process. Also they gave me extremely strict criteria for college I could apply to.</p>
<p>They had to be either Cal States or UCs, and if out of state they also had to be at or below the average cost for UCs. They also had to be within "a reasonable distance," whatever that means. Basically they had nothing to say when I mentioned UC Davis. This severely limited my choices and while I understand budgeting, because I've been doing it myself now for two years, I know that there are opportunities for scholarships at DIII schools who want athletes. The problem is that I can't even apply to places like that. This creates a rift between my college choices. I have applied to colleges that I have liked, but there is such a wide rift between, say, CSU Long Beach and UC Irvine. My schools are either what would be considered safeties are slight reach to full-on reach schools.</p>
<p>It also extended into majors. While they say I can choose whatever major I want, they put a bunch of pressure on me if they don't think it's right (just like the way they said I could go to whatever college I want to but it has to fit the criteria). I am not a math person, and I have never been. This means I have chosen history, sociology, english, and political science as my potential majors because I'm not sure what career path I want to take yet. Dad's first response to all of these was, "what the hell are you going to do with it?" I have now settled on anthropology as my major of choice, and not telling my dad about it because I will receive no support.</p>
<p>I have applied to three Cal States and UCs with every school receiving my application. I need to know how to approach this parental issue. Both my dad and stepmom are extremely stubborn and my dad especially will just get ready to explode if I so much as suggest a school in Colorado. Little advice please?</p>
<p>Division III schools aren’t allowed to give athletic scholarships. Are your stats good enough to get merit aid? Merit aid might bring the cost of a private LAC down near the cost of a UC. I think your parents need to be a bit more specific about what constitutes “a reasonable distance.”</p>
<p>Most schools don’t require students to select a major during their freshman year. Take a variety of courses and see where your interests and talents lie, then decide on a major. Don’t major in something you don’t like, or you’ll be miserable.</p>
<p>As stevensmama pointed out, by NCAA rules, D3 schools do not give out athletic scholarships. D2 schools can give out athletic scholarships, but much fewer than D1 schools, again by NCAA rules. </p>
<p>All schools will give out merit scholarships, as their budgets allow. CA state schools don’t have much merit money and so it only goes to the very top students. Private schools typically have much more merit money available, and available to more students.</p>
<p>One thing you should look at is any school’s 4 year graduation rates (my pet pieve). My son goes to Cal Poly SLO and their 4 year graduation rate is 22% (according to one source), 15% according to his department head. That’s horrible. It isn’t from lack of trying by the students, it is class availability that’s the issue. </p>
<p>So 5 years at a state school may end up costing more than 4 years at a private school or an out of state school (basically the same thing as a private school as far as costs go) especially when considering the merit aid picture. </p>
<p>You should also look at what your parent’s contribution would be (ie’ the FAFSA forms) and the amount (if any) of need based aid.</p>
<p>Can you do some research into the schools you’d like to apply to and what their costs and scholarships are like? It’s getting very late in the year for merit aid at some schools (many December cutoffs) but if you do find a school that would meet their cost criteria, and you’ve already applied to the UCs/CSUs, I’m betting they’d allow another app…in fact, it might be good to have a private school to compare awards (and grad rates) with.</p>
<p>Btw, I do not view this behavior as “helicoptering”. You are far better off than those kids whose parents tell them to apply anywhere they want and then find out in April that they can’t afford any school on their list! Your folks obviously have a budget in mind and mean to stick to it. As regards the choice of major, it sounds as if their budget does not extend to grad school, which would typically follow for any of the majors you mentioned, and they may not wish to have you take on a lot of debt. As stevensmama said, your major isn’t something you need to have decided upon for a few years.</p>
<p>I too put a limit on what I would spend for college for my son and told him upfront. I didn’t limit where he could apply, just said he only had a certain amount to spend. So, I like that your parents are thinking about cost upfront.</p>
<p>Perhaps if you went to them in an adult way and asked, “how much do you feel you can spend on college for me?” They might respond in a good way. The more you can be clear about expectations, the better off you will be. That also might give you an opportunity to ask if you could find a non-UC school that would cost the same if you got a scholarship, would that be ok?</p>
<p>So, they want to make sure you don’t miss any deadlines for getting into college and they’re not made of money, so they’re telling you there’s a limit on what they can afford. In my book, that’s parenting, not helicoptering.</p>
<p>You have an honest disagreement about the practicality of certain majors. I’m sure you have gone to the professional websites, such as the American Association of Anthropologists, to find out what likely career paths might be, and have had a mature conversation about those possibilities with your dad and stepmom.</p>
<p>I wish you all the best in your college search.</p>
<p>Do you want your dad to pay for your college? You couuld enlist in the Navy and then get out after four years of service with G.I. Bill benefits and pay for college yourself. (Forget the Army or Marines - they have thousands of helicopters.)</p>
<p>Your parents may not realize that an out of state or private school could end up being just as affordable as an in-state school. I had assumed that my daughter would have to go in-state public until I want to a seminar by Peter Van Buskirk where he talked about how many people assume they aren’t eligible for need-based aid or don’t know how merit-based aid works. I believe he has a book (I think it’s called “The Admission Game” or something like that) which discusses some of the same issues) as well a blog that perhaps your parents would be willing to look at. And you should definitely have them look at the Western Undergraduate Exchange ([Western</a> Undergraduate Exchange (WUE) | Western Interstate Commission for Higher Education](<a href=“http://wiche.edu/wue]Western”>Save On Tuition | Western Undergraduate Exchange (WUE))). You can go to any public western state school (including Colorado which you mentioned) for 150% of in-state tuition. Even a relatively small scholarship could bring that down to CA cost (maybe less, considering the current state of CA public universities).</p>
<p>As for majors, it seems a bit early to worry or argue about that. Lots of students change their major. You may be better off giving in on the major selection at this time, since there’s a good chance you’d change your mind down the road anyway.</p>
<p>My older D went to an Ivy for just a little more cost to us, her parents, than the state Univ would have been. She received needs-based aid, and also merit scholarships from outside sources. </p>
<p>Don’t assume that just because there is a big scary number on a school’s webpage, that is what it would cost your folks. If your Dad does not believe that, have him PM me. </p>
<p>This is just as true of non-Ivies. Schools that have the funds in their endowments will find aid for the students they really want. Find schools that have the funds.</p>
<p>Although WUE is a great program, this statement is not accurate:
</p>
<p>The WUE website has details but the list of participating schools does NOT include all the publics and at some of the schools, spots are limited, and sometimes limited to certain programs. From the WUE website
<p>The issue isn’t “helicopter parenting” so much as it is affordability. Within the CSU’s and UC’s there are many excellent schools. When I was in high school, my Dad took out a map and a compass, and drew a circle around our house with a radius corresponding to what he considered a “day’s drive”. Half of the circle was out in the ocean, and at first I despaired at my choices being limited. Until I looked within that half circle and found that in addition to the UC’s and CSU’s, there were other schools with great financial aid such as Occidental and the Claremont Colleges. When my parents pushed back on me applying to private schools, I did it anyway using my own money. When my college acceptances came in, my parents were absolutely thrilled to see the scholarship that Pomona offered me. However, if they’d had to pay full price, I would have happily gone to a UC instead.</p>