<p>Son is a Sophmore at Emory. We live in PA. Older sisters went to college in PA. Check out Cheap</a> Tickets for College Students and Faculty: Airfare, Rail and Hostel Deals Great student flight prices but you have to be on top of it. Except for daughter who was only 45 minutes away (other 2 hours), we saw them all basically same amount of time. Flew down to Atlanta for fam. weekend, suddenly Thanksgiving, Christmas, then back for summer. Technology makes a big difference. Our son goes back on Monday after a month with him. I will miss him. But all is good! Good luck!</p>
<p>Having just put my Boston D onto a plane bound for CO, I mostly endorse the above. She is loving it and is getting bombarded by emails from new friends who want to know when she is getting back. The distance problem is mostly financial ($300-400 RT), logistic (as she notes - she will be waayyy over the weight limit when its time to come home for summer) and psychological (fact is- she can be here faster than her friends in western NY - and she has been home just as much). But that does not make it easier, and email/cellphones don't help when you want to sit on the couch together and watch TV. One good point was that she needs to be (or needs to want to be) a good solo traveler - its pretty much always an adventure these days.</p>
<p>Gee, I thought my daughter ( s ) being in Boston from south Jersey seemed far, but when I think about the west coast ...well, I look at it this way :
They are a flight away. They are close to several relatives and love to be in New England, where their roots are.
I too raise them to be independant and I remind myself of that often. The sad reality will hit me when my first daughter heads out to LA , with not much hope of coming back to the east coast. I am still hoping she finds a job in NYC !
Daughter 2 will not get there til Sept..but I doubt she will leave once she sets her roots. I hope to be back there some day too.</p>
<p>D is a Jr, and went from TX to Mass. No problems. She was the only one of her friends to go there, and she knew no one. I was concerned. But, she made wonderful friends, and is doing Study Abroad. Mass. doesn't seem so far away anymore, when she is in Spain and Germany. As to the additional cost of airfare, etc., the school took all of that into account in determining the FA package.</p>
<p>DD goes to school in CA (we're on the east coast). She really wanted something different from where she grew up. Her school is terrific and she is very happy there. We miss seeing her more often. In fact, she just left to go back and will be there for the summer. We won't see her here until next Christmas. Going to college where she is has proven to be a wonderful opportunity for her.</p>
<p>College is a great time to see the other coast. My then boyfriend (now husband) went to Caltech while I went to Columbia. Flights to LA weren't that much more time consuming than trains to Boston. I ended up joining him for the last few years of his Ph.D. program and I think I liked California even more than he did. We thoroughly enjoyed our time there, but did end up back on the east coast eventually. (Spent a few years in Germany really far away from our families first.)</p>
<p>Greta...I had to smile at your post. Our girls don't neccessarily want to be east of the Rockies but the school that may turn out to be the best fit for one or both of them smack dab IN the Rockies. I think the east coast would be more convenient from a travel POV than getting in and out of Helena Montana in the winter.</p>
<p>OP, something that was discussed on these boards this fall was getting over the "missing" one of the ideas that made the most sense to me was to try to think about how you will fill your days now...get a hobby, plan on a new pet or both! Me, I'll be shipping off two at once and though I will be so so sad to see them go I look forward to learning to knit/spin and the boxer puppy that will be filling my lap/bed/heart and time when fall 09 rollls around. In addition there is always the added benefit of the extra closet space :-)</p>
<p>I live in New Orleans and i go to Syracuse U...lol. my parents would definitely be happier if i were close to home but they've gotten used to it and supported my decision 100%! I don't this parents should limit their kids but i do understand that's it's a little difficult (both on the parent and CHILD side) being farther away from home and not being able to be a hop, skip, and jump away. I don't go home as much as the other kids. i only went home for this winter break. i don't mind though. OP, make sure your daughter doesn't mind not coming home more often. It's really up to her and long distance colleges are not for everyone. k</p>
<p>D is on East Coast. I DO talk to her more now than I did when she was home:).</p>
<p>Key to the ease of actually seeing her however is the SFO-Newark route. Continental is the bomb.</p>
<p>As for the future, well, I never would have felt right constraining her to stay near home. I have told her however, that I put my bets on the fact that Northern California is so wonderful, and I am a good babysitter, to bring her back when she thinks seriously about having children...She laughed.</p>
<p>Via IM, I mean laughed, i.e. hahahaha</p>
<p>when kids are seniors in high school, they think their HS friends will be their "best friends for life".They can't see past their immediate routine.Freshman year when they come home to visit,they still click but seperation starts as they all discover new worlds.Things really start to change by soph year, when they start studying abroad,internships,etc.They develop new friendship patterns, they aren't all home on the same schedules,etc.Jobs/relationships start taking them diffeernt places on different paths.
I knew from the start my two wouldn't be staying home for college, or coming home after college.They both have career plans in which they have to be willing to relocate(college professor, sports management).The area we live in (suburban NYC)is almost impossible for new grads to afford to start a life.
when I see how happy and well adjusted they are its gratifying.I don't need them living around the corner or down the block.</p>
<p>S is a freshman at a college in North Carolina; we live in Texas. It has been a great, great experience for him so far. Texans tend to be a bit myopic at time; college in NC has really broadened S's horizons and exposed him to fresh views and perspectives. He has described his first semester at the most inspiring time of his life.</p>
<p>Being away from HS friends and GFs is a good thing. S's HS friends who now attend Texas colleges nearby tend to continue hanging out with HS friends, either at their same college or back home; they tend to come home most weekends; and they tend to try to continue HS or hometown romances.</p>
<p>As much as we miss S, breaking the apron strings is an important part of growing up. None of his friends at college are from Texas, in fact several are from foreign countries. When he came home for winter break, we were surprised at how much his awareness of national and international issues had broadened, as well as his maturity and independence. That said, he spent the better part of winter break hanging out with his HS friends also home for break, and I think he keeps up with them at college via IM and Facebook.</p>
<p>I will say, to my surprise, his return to college after winter break was harder for me than when he first left in August. I don't know why; I guess I got used to him being home in the three stress-free weeks he was here, and I hadn't really braced myslef for his departure. But he's happy and healthy, and that's what matters.</p>
<p>OP, I forgot to add to my earlier post that your emotional response to her looking at schools far from home should be internalized. It can't help for her to know how you feel. It can be helpful though to honestly tell your D that far from home = fewer trips home including for Thanksgiving and other shorter breaks but only if that is really true.</p>
<p>We are from CA and our D attends school in PA, so I know what you are facing. We actually encouraged her to attend this school because of the strength of the program and the reputation of the University. She is a senior now, going back tomorrow :( However, I have to say that she is closer to us than she was before and very appreciative of her time at home. Finding affordable airfare is a challenge, especially at holidays, but it has been worth it. Being away from home helps young people to mature and bond with their new classmates, which is part of the point of college as well. It was sad for the first month she was away, but then things evened out. She plans to come back to CA after college, so she is going away for the last time (she said she isn't getting on airplane again for at least a year). It goes fast and the sadness you feel at their absence is made up for by the pride you feel at their independence.</p>
<p>I will note that this "Apron strings are for breaking" culture is very American. The Chinese I work with have said to me that they think Americans do not have close relationships with their children. They can't IMAGINE we would think it good for our children to broaden horizons. One of the young women who visited the US had to spend a lot of time with me in the car. I talked to my D a lot on my cell. She commented, saying that she thought I was different from other American parents....I said no, not really.</p>
<p>Alumother I don't think I understand what you are saying. I do wonder if the apron string idea is cultural. My maternal grands left the West Indies I to make a better life in the US but almost all of their 12 children ended up settling within a block or so. Some even in the same Brooklyn brownstone! To me, the kids that were most upwardly mobile moved the farthest; Queens or Long Island. I ended up moving to California and my mom didn't bat an eye. My H parents also moved from the WI to the US; exrended family followed first to Canada, then New York, and now GA. My H would love to be near them. I tend to think of moving to be close to family as kind of regressive/dysfunctional. At the same time, I can appreciate the value of extended family. I guess just not every day. What's your impression of "American" apron strings?</p>
<p>In my experience, the American culture (not all Americans of course) places a lot of value on independence in children. We are doing a good job if we shoo our kids out the door to independent lives. Men who stay close to their mothers can be labelled mama's boys, in extreme cases. Whereas what I know of the Chinese culture, from working for the past four years for a Chinese company and spending a fair amount of time there, the Chinese culture around parenting has traditionally held that good parents and good children stay close.</p>
<p>One young woman, upon arrival in the US, called her parents to tell them she had arrived safely. I said, "Do you need to call your husband?" And she said, "But the parent relationship is the closest, the first". Which I doubt a young American woman in her late 20's, married, would have said.</p>
<p>It is always dangerous to generalize. My apologies if I am using overly broad strokes.</p>
<p>One of my professors in college joked that there is some sort of adventure gene woven into American DNA. His argument was that since historically we are descended from people who took a risk and came here with very little, that we have all inherited a bit of the rambling spirit (although for some of us it is more recessive than for others.) ;-) </p>
<p>In truth there are many sociological articles written on this topic. Independence is an American cultural value that dates back over 200 years.</p>
<p>In China today, the child (usually one child in China) or children of many two-career couples is watched by grandparents while the parents work. As I understand it, daycare for preschoolers is not as common there as it is here. But obviously many Chinese students come to the U.S. for undergrad or graduate school, so they are moving even further distance-wise and also from the point of view of practicality of travel, from their parents than U.S. students who go to school across the country from their homes.</p>
<p>So how many generations does it take to acculturate ( acculturize??)?</p>
<p>The hardest part is when they get sick ( and they will freshman year -dorms have a whole new set of bugs to acquire immunity to -) and you can't get to them. It doesn't matter if they are 1 hour or 10 hours away the psycho Mommy in me goes a little nuts. I have been known to fed- ex chicken soup and vitamins. Flat rate boxes care packages and my mailman became my new best friend.</p>