HELP!!! Am I stuck in community college???

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>Hey guys, I'm really freaking out right now. I know I have no shot at the IVIES, but I want you to chance me anyway, since I need some self esteem boosting!!! I don't want to go to my state school and have to learn among the unwashed masses!!! I NEED to go somewhere good. Help. HELP. HELP!</p>

<p>Senior at Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology
GPA: 4.0
WGPA: 4.8 (it would be 5.0 but I couldn't fit AP Gym into my schedule, will that ruin my chances?)
Rank: Valedictorian</p>

<p>SATs: 2400 (800 M, 800 CR, 800 W (11 E)) -Retaking because of that horrible essay score.</p>

<p>ACT: 35 (I suffered a nervous breakdown after getting this score back, maybe I'll write an essay about it???)</p>

<p>SAT IIs: Spanish (800), French (800), Korean (800), Chinese (800) USH (800), WH (800), Physics (800), Lit (790, I suck at English, I know, first my SAT essay and now this???)</p>

<p>APs: 17 5s, but again, no AP Gym, that's really going to kill me, right?</p>

<p>MCATs and LSATs (took them for fun)- 40 and 180 respectively,</p>

<p>ECs (by far the weakest part of my application)</p>

<p>President of the United States
Secretary-General of the U.N.
EU President
Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court
CEO of 4 Fortune 500 corporations
Adopted 15 starving African children and raised them without parents or guardians (will explain later)</p>

<p>(I'm worried that these ECs aren't focused enough and lack depth. Also, I only have 7 leadership positions!!!)</p>

<p>MAJOR AWARDS: </p>

<p>Nobel Peace Prize, Nobel Prize for Literature, Nobel Prize for Economics (but I DIDN'T WIN FOR BIOLOGY, I'm SUCH a failure)</p>

<p>RECS: One from the current POTUS, my successor. Also one from Paul Krugman, my econ teacher who I tutor in other subjects outside of school. Guidance counselor rec was only average :(.</p>

<p>ESSAYS: My CommonApp was a hypothetical philosophical discourse between me, Nietzsche, Sartre, Foucault, and a bunch of other pretentiously-named European philosophers. My other essays were about winning the presidential election; I'm afraid that it reads like a "big game" essay.</p>

<p>ADDITIONAL INFO: I'm a bisexual Pacific Islander/Native American with polio. My parents were killed in the Rwandan Genocide when I was 3 and I have raised my 5 brothers and 15 adopted African children.</p>

<p>DO I HAVE ANY CHANCE AT ALL? All these profiles on College Confidential are SOOOO intimidating!!!</p>

2

<p>I’m gonna be honest, I think a clam fart has a better chance at a decent college than you.
Note the reference/joke haha</p>

3

<p>Man, you’re screwed.</p>

4

<p>Now that you mention it, I’m an accomplished clam-farter. Would that be a hook if I put it down on my Yale Application?</p>

5

<p>ohmygod how could you possibly to sooooooo terribly?
Yeahh… def community college for sure…
good luck man…</p>

6

<p>this is soooo funny!!! I almost laughed… then realized youre a loser</p>

7

<p>DUDE YOU SUCK, 25 african children is the minimum at ANY school!</p>

8

<p>@seniorxcbro I know I am. I just needed confirmation from the rest of you losers.</p>

9

<p>I had similar stats to yours but my I got 2380 on my SATs (I was never good with CR).
My school also didn’t offer as many APs as yours.</p>

<p>I got wait-listed at Cornell and later rejected. Didn’t bother applying to higher Ivy schools because our fellow CollegeConfidential community members told me I wasn’t good enough.
Right now I’m attending Temple University.</p>

<p>Hope this helped :)</p>

10

<p>Ok, I cracked up at the additional info part.</p>

<p>Well played, sir.</p>

11

<p>What a comic relief.I LOLd all through</p>

12

<p>Sorry, you fail. You need to be at least the president of the world to get a decent chance at Ivy.</p>

13

<p>That 11 essay is gonna kill you. Do you have quintuple legacy at any ivies, its a must. You didnt mention whether you were the heir to the Vanderbilt, Whitney, or Johnson and Johnson fortunes, I’ll assume all three. I recommend you donate a building before and after admission to the school of your choice. Try to gain some international awards before admissions if you want any chance.</p>