Help an HYP-aspiring freshman going through an existential crisis out?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>All my life, I have been at the top of my class and was considered to be "the smartest kid" who was beyond competition and comprehension. I have aspired to attend Harvard even before I knew how to multiply a two-digit number by another two-digit number, and I have worked towards becoming a lawyer ever since 2nd grade. Up till middle school, although I was never inherently athletic, attractive (whatever that means in 5th grade), or well-liked, I was deeply respected as an intelligent and superior individual, and if I never worked crazy super hard like many other Asian kids, I still always made at least a significant effort to excel both in my studies and my personal intelligence. </p>

<p>In 7th grade, my performance, which had always been superior, skyrocketed. I was praised massively by my teachers, as well as other students who noticed my work. I worked very hard in my 7th grade year, and while I was not the most popular, I always justified this by saying that I sacrificed my social life by working as hard as I could for the sake of academic success, and in turn invoke some great change or revolution when I became an adult. I began to believe that I could do anything if I worked as hard as I could. I worked harder than anyone, and that I was okay, because I was sure to become better than anyone as a direct result of my hard work.</p>

<p>In 8th grade, I moved, and my studies decreased again, and I ended up with one or two Bs. I concentrated mainly on making friends at my new school and combating my newfound depression. I did not work as hard as I had in 7th grade, because the other students in my class, while a few were recognized to be very smart, presented themselves to me as very, very stupid. I knew I could outperform them if I worked as hard as I did in 7th grade. I did not worry about bulking up anything extracurricular, and just played tennis as I had always had; time would come in high school to worry fully about college. Towards the end of 8th grade, I woke up, and decided to make again my transition to the hard-working student, this time for real, for the sake of my long-living ambitions for the ivy league, law school, and beyond. I took several classes over the summer to bulk up my freshman year course load.</p>

<p>As a freshman, I have been excelling in all of my classes, and earned the favor of most of my teachers, as a result of very much hard work. I am also self-studying two AP classes, participating dominantly in 4 clubs, and searching for volunteer opportunities. I am also working on a novel, and thinking about other ways to boost my extracurricular appeal towards highly selectively colleges like the HYP. I am also considerably popular, having made many friends during my 8th grade year. I am working as hard as I can at my studies, my sport, and my extracurriculars, and, even though I am not the number 1 most liked, or the most attractive, or the most athletic, I am the hardest working, and have thus received the esteem and respect of my fellow peers. Even though sometimes my happiness is negatively affected from all this work, I am satisfied in the long run perspective, because I am performing extremely well and I will most likely get accepted to a very nice college and eventually make a change in the world during my adulthood. It is a perfect emotional system. My deficiencies in free time and fun are mentally justified by my inevitable success and ultimate superiority, all as a result of my very hard, humble work. The only way to make a distinction from myself and the rest of humanity is my effort. My meaning to live is built solely on my notion of hardwork.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, this year, in running for class president, another candidate, will most likely win. The election results have not arrived, but I am trying my best to force myself to assume she will win, as she most likely will. She is extremely popular, and supposedly intelligent, (although I cannot say for sure, since I do not personally know her yet.) She is from a different middle school filtering into our high school, and she is regarded as more or less of a perfect goddess. She is considered to be intellectually and academically amazing, and is also popular in the stereotypical high-school-clique sense. I am not sure how smart she actually is, but given the amount of parties she posts pictures of on instagram, she clearly has very little time to work as hard as I do. But the biggest thing is that she is involved in the student government association for our entire county, which I have not even heard of up until this point, but apparently she holds a very prestigious leadership title, among a leadership board of all seniors. Everybody knows this, and thinks she's inherently perfect and even over-qualified to hold a title as "low" as class president. I had just moved in 8th grade, and I was given no real opportunity or awareness of such things.</p>

<p>She will most likely win the election, and also win all following elections in the high school years to come, for progressively more important and thus college-impacting positions, on basis of her previous election, as well as her involvement and success in the county-wide student council. Given that my entire premise for satisfaction of life as well as existence rests solely on my hard work and resulting superior success, my entire philosophy is bulldozed by this girl's existence, who clearly is coasting by on the great things in life, enjoying widespread popularity, and will also win this election, and all elections to come. In normal circumstances, I would simply work harder to attain my own superiority and essentially use my rival's success as a motivation tool, but in this case no amount of hard work will actually allow me to overcome her popularity, and her early success with leadership position. She will most certainly use her popularity and her position to her advantage, and she will be met continuous student government success. While this does not necessarily destroy my chances for HYP, it does certainly impair them significantly, since she will constantly be topping my performance, at least in terms of being elected, and no amount of my hard work will be able to change this. Furthermore, my windows for future opportunities will be narrowed, if another student is holding the most esteem adulation of the class; All opportunity will either go to her by default, or split between us. Of course, my chances for HYP are barely affected from the big picture perspective, and I can always distinguish myself to the admissions board via another means than class prez (although I had really been counting on winning this class prez position for years). But, more importantly, her entire existence lie contrary to the justification behind my own existence, my own hard work, and my own happiness. She is showing herself to be far more superior to me in a category of which value I place significantly high regard, and she is doing it with far less hard work, far more popularity, happiness, and free time than me, and she is thus tearing apart all my self-justification for living, and all my self-justification for any imperfection. And she is doing this all the while significantly impairing my chances of the biggest dream and aspiration of my life, HYP. </p>

<p>I know this might sound really petty and stupid, but I've built my entire life on this notion of my hard work, and this girl is tearing it all apart, without proving me the means to fight back. I really need the input of my fellow ccers, because you guys are the smartest folks I've ever really met. This situation is poison to me. I have no longer reason to work hard-- my entire work-hard thinking has been completely dismantled. I know I sound morally repulsive and selfish and childish, but my feelings are real. I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do.</p>

2

<p>This is the most pretentious thing I’ve ever read on this website, and that is saying something.</p>

3

<p>@dopecake okay I understand that what I’m saying utterly nonsense. So can you help me and specify where my flaws in thinking and lifestyle are so I can open my eyes and dig myself out of this hole. Be real with me, I need it, but I need the eye-opening support and help also. Simply making fun of my post doesn’t really accomplish anything. I wish you could really specify what I can do or think. </p>

4

<p>You say you’re one of the most hard working and inherently talented individuals in your entire county, but this seems odd. Most people could do all the things you said with little to no effort (although why a high school freshman would take time to seriously author a novel is beyond me). If you were as talented and hard working as you think you are you would definitely be #1 in your class, be captain of several varsity sports and president of several honor societies, and be massively popular. There was a kid at my school who did all these things and it didn’t take considerable work to do them all and he was intelligent but not genius. Based on this post it seems you have a pretty dull and sad life while the other other girl comes off as vibrant and fun. Why should your classmates vote for you?</p>

5

<p>Calm down.</p>

<p>First of all, you don’t even know the election results yet, so I wouldn’t automatically assume that you’re going to lose. Second, HYP evaluate you in the context of your school and the opportunities it offers, but they don’t compare you to others at your school. If she has more leadership positions than you do, no big deal. Just make sure you have something (and you will). Believe it or not, not all the opportunities will go to her “by default.” She can’t do everything. She’s human too (shocker). Plus from the sound of it, she’s probably not as smart/hardworking as you are. There <em>will</em> be opportunities for you too, and you should take those instead of dwelling on the fact that she might be “better” than you. Hate to break it to you, but there’s always someone better than you. In fact, there are tens of thousands of people all over the world who are just as good or better than you and who are aspiring to HYP just like you are. This girl is just one of the thousands.
Forget her. This sounds incredibly cliched, but be the best YOU can be, and judging from the work you’ve done up to this point, the your best will definitely be competitive for HYP. And, if/when you get into HYP (or any university, for that matter), everyone around you is going to be this girl. Everyone will be just as smart, just as hardworking, and just as accomplished, if not more so, than you are. If you view all these people as competition, I promise you will go CRAZY. You will be even more unsatisfied than you already are/seem to be. So if you want to make it through college (and life) without crushing your self-esteem every five minutes, stop viewing others at your level as competition and start learning from them.</p>

<p>TL;DR I’m sorry if this post came across as harsh, but this is how the point gets made haha. Don’t let this one girl bring you down just because you <em>think</em> she’s better than you. Don’t compare yourself to her. Your purpose in life is not to outdo her in everything. Just do the best you can and you’ll be great. Good luck :)</p>

6

<p>“My meaning to live is built solely on my notion of hardwork”… “my entire premise for satisfaction of life as well as existence rests solely on my hard work and resulting superior success”… “combating my newfound depression” …“her entire existence lie contrary to the justification behind my own existence, my own hard work, and my own happiness” " I know I sound morally repulsive and selfish and childish, but my feelings are real. I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do. "</p>

<p>You have some very troubling ideas and attitudes. I think you need professional help. Please see a counselor.</p>

<p>Regarding the election, which really isn’t the issue here (the issue is your longstanding attitudes and depression), I would ask, why do you assume that someone who studies the most would make the best class president or should win such an election? Why would you expect to win such an election when you weren’t involved in anything but tennis the previous year, whereas your competitor sought out the county position (and it’s also probably clear to kids who know you that you are just doing this to get into college, though they might vote for you anyway since you’re their friend)? And on top of that you are fairly new to the community whereas the girl almost certainly knows many more people. These elections are mostly about who know more people anyway. As you recognize, you can’t spend all your time studying and also have the most friends. Friends require time too.</p>

7

<p>I think you need to check your attitude and get over yourself. But I suppose my advice isn’t valid, since I’m nowhere as smart and brilliant as you are, huh? </p>

<p>You can work as hard as you want and go to a top tier school and all that, but at the end of the day, you need to realize that no one’s going to like you or have a lot of respect for you if you act like how you’re acting.</p>

<p>You know why she won? Because she probably didn’t act like she’s so above everyone else. Popularity aside, she’s probably a lot more down to Earth than you, because if you act like how you sound in real life, people probably think you’re pretentious and think you’re better than them. And if you’re going to let someone beating you in a class election (which means literally nothing) make you freak out like this, then you have a huge problem.</p>

<p>Tl;dr For as smart as you think you are, you’re lacking in a lot more important traits.</p>

8

<p>You come off as, I deserve this because I’m better than everyone else, but why am I not succeeding? At HYP they measure CHARACTER along with academics and other things.</p>

9

<p>You aren’t qualified to be class president. That won’t affect your admissions to HYP, but your attitude will.</p>

10

<p>ERMAHGERD PANIC!</p>

<p>But seriously, how is this ONE girl preventing your chances from going to HYP? You sound like you are overreacting a bit here. There is also something that I’ve learned from (good) people like you. You are obviously very hardworking, which is a great trait to have in life, but unfortunately, success isn’t a one way ticket. </p>

<p>There are these things called people skills, creativity, and character that someone who aspires to things like you, or anyone really, needs. Take for example a certain someone I have known since 5th grade. This person is very hardworking, is taking Calc III as a Junior along with AP Bio/Chem/Physics, plays the violin and rec soccer, posted papers for research, etc. For the most part, people would like him if he wasn’t extremely condescending, unapproachable, asocial, or completely unacquainted with society. He is not looked upon highly among many in my school, and although he works harder than anyone else, he clearly has some devastating flaws.</p>

<p>You also say that you want to invoke some “great change or revolution” as an adult. If you, however, turn yourself into a robot and remove the creativity and the human element from yourself, how is this even going to be possible? Hard work and creativity are necessary here. There are people in my school who are very hard workers, yet I find them very boring to talk to because they are inept in social situations, where, ones true abilities will be tested. </p>

<p>And also, you seem like you are having a hard time that your opponent for election is not working hard as you, yet achieving greater things through her social skills and character? Accept it, and refocus your own goals, perhaps. </p>

<p>/endrant. I hope this wasn’t offensive. Your ethics are fine, it’s your attitude you need to change. </p>

11

<p>I have no doubt you’re not going to respond well to “change your attitude”.
Yet, that’s exactly what you need to do.
To quote you: “My deficiencies in free time and fun are mentally justified by my inevitable success and ultimate superiority, all as a result of my very hard, humble work.”
Humble much? </p>

12

<p>You should send this essay to Harvard as part of your college application. </p>

13

<p>Made an account to say this: please get over yourself. If you’re as great and superior as you think, then you’ll be successful. </p>

<p>This is elitist even for College Confidential standards.</p>

14

<p>The girl is actually working harder than you are when it comes to managing people. Humans are more complex than math problems so being able to master relations is impressive. However, there’s no need to despair - I’m sure HYP will have a need for her and you. You may end up working with her in the future - you can create the genius ideas and she can spread your ideas to the population :-)</p>

15

<p>

Your success and superiority at what? Hard work won’t get you anywhere unless you’re working hard to accomplish something someone (like a top college) will reward you for, unless maybe you find it intrinsically rewarding. If you spend all your time studying to get good grades and can’t do anything else as a result, you need to either start studying more efficiently or realize that you’ll have trouble getting into a lot of selective colleges because they’re looking for people who do what you’re doing while somehow being involved in the outside world through extracurriculars.

This is really tangential, but I wanted to point out that there’s no reason to do this unless you want college credit. If your high school offers a particular AP class, colleges would prefer that you take both the class and the test. If your high school doesn’t offer a particular AP class, you’re not expected to take it and you’d be better off working on your ECs or taking harder classes at your school. </p>

16

<p>I’m glad to see that satire and sarcasm are well alive in the 21st century. </p>

17

<p>OP. First the consolation. HYP may have more than their fair share of class officers, but they would be annoying schools indeed if EVERY student was a class officer. Please don’t feel that it’s a necessity.</p>

<p>Second, the advice. You sound like you are really stressing yourself out. I know because I’ve been there, and I’ve also watched it happen. You could well snap within the next couple of years. So I add my vote to the suggestion that you start seeing a counselor. Soon.</p>

18

<p>In case you don’t get into HYP you can just use Columbia as a safety.</p>

19

<p>This was pretty funny </p>

20

With some polishing, I think this could make a really great satirical piece. It made me smile for sure.