Ok so I graduated last year and spent a year at home to help with my siblings and parents (all 8 of us are all homeschooled ) with school and our family business now a year later I’m ready to do my own thing and go to school to become a nurse. Every time I want to talk about it I get brushed aside or they don’t have time or want to talk about it right now, so I brought it up last night, School 1 is 30 mins from my home I could live at home and commute which wouldn’t save money because my other school I like is 5 mins away from my grandparents who have a apartment I could rent for little to nothing the only problem is they live 5 hours away from my family. Which to me is no problem because I want and need some time alone after 19 years together in one house with such a large family !! Anyway my parents when I talked to them about this said they were not going to support me or financially help or approve of anything but the school near me ! First is that wrong to say that when this is what I want ? The money would be the same and I would be near family. Secondly my parents won’t give me my collage transcripts so I can’t apply to any schools till I have them what do I do about that ? Sorry for the long post just need some help on how to work with my parents on this ! Thank you !
Have you applied anywhere or is this for next year’s cycle?
Can you afford the school near your grandparents on your own? Do they offer full tuition scholarships and do you have the test scores for that?
Have you taken any external classes (oe.s at a community college)?
I agree that you should be able to choose between the two schools if the cost is the same; in particular, I’m worried your parents may want to use you for free babysitting and prioritize that over college (that happens in large families, especially if the eldest is a girl). However depending on their financial status, they may actually need you for their business. Try to figure out what is what - how much it is wanting to keep you close, how much it is that they really need your help because they’d struggle without it, how much it is that they don’t want to pass up on free babysitting and such.
Is there a school - any school - nearby that’s on common app and is the other school on common app?
What are your test scores? Do you have a GPA?
Light reading: the novel Roommates. One of the protagonists is a girl in a family with 6 children and she just can’t wait to get away. In fact she wants a single and she’s upset to be assigned a roommate. 
Can you just move to your grandparents and get a job for a while and see how that goes? Would your grandparents be on board with that? I’m sorry your parents are being so difficult. That sounds really challenging.
What are the cost differences between the 2 schools? Is tuition the same? How much would you pay for rent, transportation expenses, and food? Who would pay for utilities? Unless your grandparents will be totally supporting you, I don’t see how costs can be the same.
Unfortunately, they are paying. Any education is better than none at all. Go along with it. Let them know you respect their wishes, and let them see how well you are doing at college. Then, broach the subject again after the first year. Let them get used to you not being around so much. Let your siblings get a little older and become more responsible. Do your best to get involved at college and meet people. It’s sounds like you are a tight knit family. Your parents know you ahve to grow up, but itmight be hard for them to let go. The best thing you can do is succed atheling as independent as possible. It isn’t necessarily fair to you, but that’s what it is at the moment. Give it a little more time.
I commuted from home for all six years of college. It wasn’t ideal, but things work out the way they are supposed to. You will be fine.
Hey thank you for all the great replies I really appreciate any help I can get ! So to answer some of those questions…
yes I do have good enough grades and SAT score for a scholarship but my parents have not really helped me on this I think they want me to just stay and help but I don’t want to do that I want to go to school !! I have thought to just stay and put up with living at home and going to collage but I want to also get out and enjoy my life which I won’t be able to do at home! It’s a really hard decision to make and either my feelings are hurt or theirs are !
What are your stats?
Not ‘they’re good’ but exact numbers.
Have you taken any dual enrollment classes?
We’re you enrolled in a virtual high school?
Are those sufficient to get a full tuition scholarship where your grandparents have they apartment?
Will they help you with the costs of food?
Do you have a job and are you allowed to keep the salary? Do you have a bank account to deposit your salary?
Is it legal for a homeschooling parent to withhold releasing their child’s transcript? I understand that parents have no obligation to pay for college, but refusing to release transcripts sounds insanely unreasonable.
Are you a boy or a girl?
Do you know your EFC? (If you don’t, look up EFC forecaster)
Did your parents say they’d help with the cost of books and transportation to the nearby school?
@madgemini4, if OP takes the TASC (formerly GED), I don’t think they’ll need the transcripts. As a long time homeschool parent, I’ve never heard of a parent withholding transcripts or any law that addresses that. If the parents had to submit them to the public school, like we did, maybe OP can get a copy from them. But if the parents won’t file the FAFSA, I’m not sure it will matter. OP doesn’t have any money.
That’s a great idea! OP, can you take the GED/TASC? That’d solve the transcript problem. And if you took some CLEP exams between now and September, it’d not only demonstrate competency but also provide potential transfer credit so that you can “skip” some intro classes and thus have less to pay for tuition (possibly) or less time to spend to graduate (possibly).
If parents refuse to file FAFSA, does a child have any legal rights (e.g., emancipation)?
@Leftyloo98 Would your grandparents or other outside adult family members be willing to sit down with you and your parents and act as intermediaries during a discussion? It doesn’t sound like your parents are completely opposed to your attending college. Perhaps if both sides are fixated strictly on their own POV (you with yours and them with theirs), neither is really “hearing” the other. Sometimes having a neutral 3rd party present can help everyone find common ground. (Maybe you could negotiate with your parents and form a compromise like attending the local school for a yr and if you do well, then they will pay for you to attend the other school for the last 3?)
@MYOS1634 Fwiw, I am not sure how many really large homeschooling families you are around, but I am around a lot. Your comment about wanting to keep older daughters around to babysit and not attend college is a stereotype. Are those families out there? Sure. There are a lot of subculture stereotypes in existence across all spectrums, but goodness, it is so far removed from any reality I have ever witnessed that I wouldn’t ever consider it as anything other than this particular family’s dynamics. (So, your comment, “that happens in large families, especially if the eldest is a girl” is offensive. Sorry, my homeschooling mom of 8 perspective has to counter your biased stereotype.)
“What you want” isn’t the issue.
Generally, the one paying the bills gets to decide how the money is spent.
@madgemini4 – emancipation is difficult, but not impossible depending on the circumstances.
In the examples given in this article, the teen would need to gain emancipation before starting any classes and I believe that would involve a court proceeding–which can sound big but in reality can be very rapid procedures.
I’ve personally known one recent example in NYC in which the teen gained emancipation while still in high school, at age 16, worked and lived with a brother, not the parents. The teen did this through the court system, I’m pretty sure. I am not clear whether that teen needed declarations from the parents to the court of their willingness for him to become emancipated, in order to effect this. The article says that the teen is homeless or has to be in danger of becoming homeless. While it’s possible that the parents helped the teen declare this, it seems like an extraordinary step if not true. I don’t know this teen’s particular set of circumstances, though, other than he became emancipated. In OPs case the parents want her/him to stay home with them. And so it doesn’t seem likely that they would cooperate and say that s/he is in danger of becoming homeless.
thank you all for the advice and help i think what im going to have to do is just go along with what they want and attend the school of their choice for the first year and start saving so I can then just pay my own way for the next year because like it or not they are the one who have to pay the first year. I think then they will help me a lot more (hopefully) not really what and where I want to go but I want to go to school more then where I go !!
That makes complete sense!
Good luck!!
I would try to stay at the school they will pay for as long as possible. Just study at school and only come home to sleep. Having help to pay for college is huge. However, once you have a couple years of a college transcript, you may be able to transfer somewhere else with just your college transcript which your parents would not control. But where will you get the money if your parents will neither pay nor file your FAFSA? Federal direct student loans are limited so you will need to save a lot of money up front.
@dustyfeathers, I think emancipation is for minors, and OP is 19.
I agree with @Mom2aphysicsgeek that @MYOS1634 comments suggests a stereotypical view of homeschoolers. It’s unfair to suggest that we use the eldest, especially the girls, as a free babysitters. I’ve been a homeschooler for ~20 years and I run a network with hundreds of families, and that hasn’t been my experience at all.
I think this situation is driven by finances. OP said the costs between the 2 colleges are the same, but they can’t be. Commuters don’t pay extra for rent, utilities, food, or personal expenses. If they had to, they could share a car. But all of those would be additional costs if OP rented an apartment from the grandparents (even at minimal cost) to attend school 5 hours from home. The parents own a business and income probably isn’t consistent. Where does OP think the money for rent, utilities, food, personal expenses, spending money, car purchase and registration, auto insurance, and gas is coming from? An additional car alone would generate hundreds of dollars a month in extra expenses.
There are several children behind OP, which adds additional complications. Will the grandparents be able to host all 7 of OP’s siblings? It’s not fair to allow one to go away to school and make the others commute. It’s also not fair to ask the grandparents to commit to hosting students a decade from now, or fair to the parents to commit to spending the kind of money it will cost for all of those children to attend residential college. We say on CC all the time, ask your parents what they’ll pay and make your plans based on that. OP’s upset because she did ask and she didn’t like the answer. She asks is it “wrong” for the parents not to pay for her to go away to school if that’s what she wants. The answer to that is no, and the simple way around it is to get a job and pay for it.
@austinmshauri @Mom2aphysicsgeek : since this is the homeschooling forum I should have specified the large families I know enroll their kids in public school. But yes all of the large families I’ve known place more responsibility on the eldest in the family and are more demanding if the eldest is a girl. Sometimes it’s because they truly can’t manage otherwise and as soon as the next kid is old enough to relay the eldest will have more free time and may even leave. Sometimes it’s because…it’s just assumed.
I don’t know what the situation is for @Leftyloo98. That is why I advised him/her to think of the parents’ reasons.
@Leftyloo98 : what are your stats? Have you applied anywhere already?
Do you have your own room in which to study, or easy access to a library that closes late? Will your parents let you stay on campus for study groups, clubs, etc, or will you be expected home by a given time?
Make sure you don’t waive FERPA. After 3 semesters you can transfer to colleges with your college transcripts only.