<p>Boxmaker - we don't know your daughter, and while I agree with everyone else that these are normal feelings, particularly after a serious talk about workload and finances, only someone who knows her well, and has actually heard her can really have a feel for what to say to her.</p>
<p>When my DD starts to have these cold feet, my answer will be - the state uni will always be there, and will always be cheaper (maybe not free if she is turning down a scholarship, but cheaper), the admission to the LAC is in effect time limited.</p>
<p>Extremely good point, Cangel, and one I may use with my S, who won't let me send the enrollment dep even though he wears a university shirt daily and we talk about how he needs more shorts for the warm climate he'll be going to. I think it is part buyer's remorse, and part concern that even after the merit money it costs a pretty penny. Now I wish it was May!</p>
<p>Happened here too. D talked for most of a year about going 'far away' to school for new experiences, new friends, etc. Applied to high-octane schools East & South, got into most of them. About 3 weeks ago she timidly asked my wife if it was too late to apply to Next State Public U. (3+ hours away), where wife & I had graduated from but D had refused to apply to in the fall. Fortunately, she got the online app in with 3 days to spare, even got a scholarship & into the Honors Program if she wanted it.</p>
<p>Last Saturday we set all five of her acceptance folders out separately on the kitchen table, with accompanying sheets showing costs, including scholarships & travel. You know the rest--she picked Next State U. & the Honors Program there without batting an eyelash.</p>
<p>It's a great value for us because it was the 2nd cheapest choice out the door, and like a prior poster said, the Honors Program will 'ramp up' the academics, so to speak. D never really said why the change in heart, but she's been relishing her relationships with her friends lately, and I suspect that is part of the reason. But I truly believe & have stated before that she had to visit the far away universities to make a clear decision on what made her comfortable.</p>
<p>My son applied to and was accepted to schools all over the US and it wasn't until almost all the notifications were in that he said he really thought he wanted the Boston-DC corridor. All along he had said that it didn't matter whether he was 9,000 or 12,000 miles from us, but once his friends all decided on east coast schools (I think) and once he realised that it might be nice to be near our family, all on the east coast, he was sure this was what he wanted.</p>
<p>I think it is fine, but wish he had had this epiphany a year ago so that he could have looked at a wider range of schools in the area. Because he imposed virtually no geographic restrictions initially, I think we had to spread ourselves a bit thin...</p>
<p>He also seems impressively blaise (sp?), I must say. I think it is feeling a bit overwhelming now that he will be going 12,000 miles away...soon. I am not sure it is cold feet...he hasn't really decided yet...first we have to take a 12,000 mile trip!</p>
<p>I wonder if our issues deal entirely with "cold feet", or if just maybe our kids actually LIKE us! In some ways, totally giving up a caring support group would be a loss, even though new exciting things await at college. My son always thought he'd like to be less than 4 hours from home, in case he needed a dose of family TLC. After all, they are only 17, not entirely adults yet. There will be graduate school and job offers, and plenty of time to finish growing up.</p>
<p>Roby, I sympathesize, and I think it's why I've posted frequently here that sometimes the visiting is an overrated experience. Kids often fall in love with schools they won't get into, at the expense of thinking through some options which make more sense but don't have the "wow" factor.</p>
<p>Fingers crossed you all end up with an option that works for him!</p>
<p>Blossom,
I love the schools he was accepted to but is probably not going to attend, so does he...but they are just in the wrong time zone for his new vision of college. At least he has figured this out now, and not 8 months from now...but had he known last year, we would have expanded our looking in the "currently preferred" region. He has great choices, or he might not be able to be so picky!! Thanks!</p>
<p>I think you're exactly right. Much as they want to repel us at every turn at this age, they unconsciously don't want to lose that support group. My wife is thrilled at the prospect of being able to talk to D on the cell, and when she says she just finished listening to a lecture at MacBride Hall, my wife (having attended the same college) will be able to envision her location.</p>
<p>boxmaker - Lots of good advice here. Anxiety is the norm for Seniors this time of year. Your D's worked hard for several years in order to achieve this opportunity (i.e., the LAC). So even if her anxiety is warranted (and like other posters here I don't think it is) she owes it to herself to try the more strenuous option for a year. So I'm with cheers, chocoholic and jasmom.</p>
<p>$25-30K is pretty substansile amount of debt- "</p>
<p>I agree. IMO the teen may be having cold feet for some very realistic reasons. It may be better for her to go to the lower cost college and then, if she wishes, to transfer to a LAC that would not cause her to go into such deep debt.</p>
<p>With all due respect to "fit" and "social life" issues, I still feel that getting the best possible education is the primary goal of going to college. I agree that kids will get better education at schools that provide a better fit for them. But I would not support a decision of going to a state school because there they can keep partying (just like at HS) instead of going to LAC because they would have to actually study there. I would rather pay 40K for top notch education then 15K for "social life".</p>
<p>However, also remember the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. It might be a case of "I liked Mike but now I know I really love George." If it is really wrong for her, she may notice a tight knot in the pit of her stomach or a similar, equivalent physical manifestation. If the anxiety continues and she is open to it, this might be a great time to see a counselor - as other posters have said, the key is to help her differentiate between baseless, o'erweening fear versus a message from her intuition that the LAC just isn't the right place.</p>
<p>This is really tough for them, and for us. I am touched by her plight - any one of our CC students could be in the identical emotional quandary. Our family's decision may end up unresolved until the absolute bottom-line stake-in-the-ground D-Date, which I have decided, by executive fiat, is April 25th.</p>
<p>My kid clutched back in the fall (when deciding to apply ED) & really panicked about going far from home. This was (in her case) due to wanting to hang on to the familiar-- friends, routines, her known world.</p>
<p>The Thanksgiving vacation took care of that. Her one-year-older friends all came home bubbling over about their colleges and way too busy to much indulge their old HS pal (my D!) She realized that even the kids attending UC's within an hour's drive were MOVING ON with their lives.</p>
<p>Once she came to that realization-- that even living at home and attending the local CC, her life could not help but completely change-- she got over the notion of going away and will now be in another time zone come Sept.</p>
<p>Maybe your D needs to talk to some friends who are currently in colleges near & far. Maybe she needs to see that time marches on whether she is at Nearby U or Faraway U.</p>
<p>Final thought: there may be a boyfriend or potential boyfriend in the BG of this decision.... worth checking that out....</p>
<p>Yulsie, if every kid who had a physical knot in their stomach at the thought of leaving for college was in counseling, you'd have lines round the block! I've had two leave for college; both very happy and convinced they made a good decision now; both impossible to deal with by Spring of Sr. year. No matter how good a choice, no matter how rational the decision-making, no matter how exciting it is, leaving behind your childhood isn't an easy transition. </p>
<p>There are no guarantees in life-- but feeling anxious about college in no way means that the college isn't a wise choice. My prescription is to continue to be supportive, remind your kid that all transitions are stressful (buying a house, getting married, having a baby) and that you're there to help if they want to hash things over.</p>
<p>Right Blossom. I think a part of parenting is helping kids get through the tough transitions and push the limits of their comfort zones. I think some parents jump on the opportunity to use the moment of panic that is typical to keep their kids close to home because that's where they want them. Not saying that's the case here, but I've seen it happen often.</p>
<p>Day before son left he suddenly had some doubts that he was good enough-didn't matter that they wanted him or his stats were much highter than the average. </p>
<p>Redlands has a program in the chapel for all the new students and parents the day you drop them off. One part I remember best (but cannot remember word for word ) was when the new students were told to look at their neighbors. "Your neighbors think that you are smarter, better prepared for college than they are." The Dean then went on to tell the class they were there because they belonged and were going to become successful. I think it helped calm everyone's anxious feelings.</p>
<p>Yeah, cold feet happens. Buyers remorse. All of that. As others have said, it's a lot easier to transfer into State U from LAC if it doesn't work than the other way around. I think she'll like it there. The loans are a bit on the high side. About $20K total is what fed methodology permits and seems to be the average for most of the selective schools --2003 date from USN&WR. If you want to write the FA office, and ask if there is not a little sweetner in this area particularly since there is expensive travel involved, it may help a little. Just don't take it personally if it doesn't work. </p>
<p>Wow! Lots of terrific advice! Thank you, everyone, for responding and for the many wonderful ideas.</p>
<p>My daughter did not visit out-of-state colleges before applying. I didn't think we could afford it and thought it would be more meaningful to visit the final contenders. Unfortunately, we did not get her financial aid offer from the LAC until the other day. The on-campus program fpr accepted students is this week but the airfare would be prohibitive. (We are in MN and the school is in MA.) The last date she could visit the college is 4/28 -- as of today, still within the 14 day window for airfare but $350. I was set to pop for it but hubbie thinks it's wasted money. He feels that a 1-2 day snapshot can give false impressions and that it's up to our daughter to do sufficient research to determine whether the school is a fit. And of course, he likes that she has a tuition scholarship (plus need-based Perkins & Stafford, if required) at the local U (= University of Minnesota/Twin Cities).</p>
<p>She understandably is nervous about committing to a place for 4 years, sight unseen. Also, scared of the debt which for Year 1 will be about 5K. We are concerned about future years, knowing already that our EFC will rise due to home equity (up 50K in value for next year). With interest rates rising, she might see the max interest rates on loans.</p>
<p>The good news is that our daughter found a web site where LAC students post. She has found a few kids with some of her interests and that is helping with the cold feet. The big remaining fear (for kid and for Dad) is the possibility of huge debt.</p>
<p>boxmaker1917, I'd strongly suggest that your family bite the bullet and spend the $350+ for a visit. In proportion to the tuition expense this is a very small percentage. My son goes to an LAC in MA. He is very, very happy there, but because of its isolated location I would never recommend it to any one who hadn't visited. Some love the location, some hate it. It's a very personal reaction.</p>
<p>I think the investment in a visit would do wonders to assure your daughter that this school is right for her. And, if after visiting, she still has doubts, then I think it's better to hash them out now rather than delaying them to when she is in the middle of a demanding academic schedule, many miles from home.</p>
<p>I think the issue of the debt that your family will incur is a valid, but separate, concern. You certainly have my sympathy, but I can't offer much in the way of advice as every family's ability and/or willingness to absorb debt is different.</p>
<p>Good luck with this difficult situation and keep us posted.</p>
<p>PS, if you'd care to reveal the name of the college, most likely someone here has first hand experience.</p>