<p>My D just found out that she was assigned to the Substance Free dorm on campus. There were not enough that requested it (it is an all Freshman dorm) so they put in some that did not. She is very upset. </p>
<p>At first I thought she was just making a big thing out of nothing, but now I am not so sure. D went on-line and found an article in the school paper from last school year talking about the stigma that is associated with that dorm, even if you are one of the "overflows". The article also states that residents of this dorm tend to be socially reserved and extremely conservative. There was mention that they look down on those that are not there by choice. She found some other info too, none good, but some saying the dorm was 'o.k."</p>
<p>When D called the school, they said that she could change to another dorm after the first two weeks, but they cannot grant changes now. They did say that those who are being put in this dorm without requesting it will all be put together in one wing and would not be made to sign the substance free agreement. </p>
<p>D is a liberal, possibly an aethiest. She is quiet, but loves being around social, outgoing people. D wanted the "typical" dorm experience. She is going to school on the East Coast and we live in California. I am starting to worry that she will not be happy. If she can switch in 2 weeks, there must be some openings somewhere - why can't she get one now? I try to tell hre the positives - no big parties on your floor - can come home to a quiet room after the party, cleaner bathrooms, etc., but she is devistated. Anyone have a child that went through a similar experience? Any adivce?</p>
<p>I have no experience with this, but it seems that just because it's "substance-free" doesn't mean it's "fun-free." Just because kids choose to live in a dorm that isn't flowing with booze and drugs doesn't mean they are anti-social losers.</p>
<p>If she can move after two weeks, then I think the best advice would be for her to be open-minded and patient.</p>
<p>ETA: Concur with franglish that if there's a waiting list she should hop right on it.</p>
<p>Perhaps she can also put her name on a waiting list for another dorm now, so that if something opens up soon, she can get a jump on the process. I agree that she can try to look on it as a potential positive, but also that she may very well be able to change. Another thing to consider, social culture and climate really change from year to year, so what was true before may not be true now. And, kids often spend relatively little time in the dorm, besides sleeping. My D didn't really get to know her unit-mates at all, because she spent most of her time in the art building, the after hours caf</p>
<p>what school is this?
My daughter actually chose sub free on purpose ;)
We decided that it would be quieter than the quiet dorm- which had a quiet after 10 pm policy.
Id say * aren't all the freshman dorms sub free*?
Some students are in recovery- or allergic and it would be a health issue for them to be around substances, including cigarettes.
Sub free- was not ostracized at her school- and in fact she chose to live there for two more years.
I could say alot about students who would ostracize others for making a choice not to use drugs/alcohol.
I would also say that from my daughters experience- the sub free dorm, may have had more of the gregarious types that didn't need to be fueled by substances to be that way.</p>
<p>I expect that some students may move off campus- that is where the openings are- but two weeks is not long- I expect she can " tough it out" until then.</p>
<p>My D was also in a "substance free" dorm her freshman year. It was not her choice, but because she didn't make her college choice until the end of April that was all that was left. She managed just fine and made friends in her dorm and elsewhere.</p>
<p>The reality is that "substance free" usually means that many of the dorm occupants do not imbibe IN THE DORM but that they do go out and imbibe elsewhere and come back to the dorm with such substances in their system. At least that was what our D's experience was.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Part of the deal with college is that the college gets to fill all of its dorm rooms, even the less desirable ones. There's a lottery; some people win, and some people lose. You can't whine too much if you lose. </p></li>
<li><p>The campus paper has got to be b.s., or at least semi-satiric. In my experience, kids tend to respond to each other as individuals, not as members of involuntary associations like the dorm to which they were assigned. Thinking back to the 18-year-old me, I cannot even conceive of the possibility that I, or any other boy I knew, would turn up my nose at a cute, interesting girl because her freshman dorm was uncool. And the girls were much less into my-dorm-is-better-than-yours.</p></li>
<li><p>The dorm to which my daughter was assigned as a first-year has a similarly shady reputation, according to the campus paper -- for weirdos (all singles), anti-social, keeps to itself, a hotbed of dormcest and weed. It was fine. Nice kids, some who became friends and some who didn't, a great kitchen, a lovely RH family. It never became the center of my daughter's world, but she certainly didn't hate it, and she retains several friends from her corridor three years later. Living there didn't affect her social life one bit.</p></li>
<li><p>Substance-free does NOT mean fun-free. Even if you think substances are fun.</p></li>
<li><p>If all the dissenters are put into a separate wing and not asked to take the pledge, then I question whether they are living in a substance-free dorm. If I were a straight-edge kid, I would be upset about this too.</p></li>
<li><p>Does anyone else find it sad that some college's substance-free dorm is short by an entire wing of students who want to live there?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Well I for one would very happy that my D was in a substance free dorm. Nothing is worse than the smell of vomit in the hallway! I agree with emerald...kids who don't need substance to have fun are usually more comfortable with themselves and can have a great time. My D was the one who didn't indulge among her friends.and was considered the most fun. Again I believe 18 year olds are suppose to be substance free! Advise your daughter to be comfortable with herself and confident that she will find friends who won't care where she lives...it will all work out.</p>
<p>for his sophomore year, S chose a substance-free dorm. Within one week, he was complaining of the smell of smoke. Other than that, he was happy with his choice.</p>
<p>If your daughter is a social person, she'll make friends anyway. BUT most people do become very close to their dormmates, so if she doesn't think she will be happy then why not change. Now, no one probably will agree with me on this...I would call Housing myself to get it changed before she gets there. My daughter also tried to get her room changed last year, they told her to do it after she moved in. I made a call next day, got a nice lady on the phone and she got a new room.</p>
<p>Bear in mind that many of the kids who apply for substance-free do so at their parents' insistence. Accordingly, they go to college without any personal commitment to being substance-free, so the hall or wing may or may not turn out to be different from others. The two-week waiting period is standard for campus Housing programs. Probably half of incoming students will find something about their assignment to be nervous about, and would ask for a change over the summer if they could. One change upsets a roommate assignment elsewhere, leading to a chaotic chain reaction that would take all of Housing's time if they let it. Eventually, 90% of those who were nervous move in, like their roommate, and bond with their neighbors, and wouldn't dream of changing two weeks into the fall semester. So the two-week waiting period turns out to be a win-win-win for the students, the hall communities,and the Housing office.</p>
<p>And you may be interested in Harvard's change policy: You'll get your assignment about three weeks before you arrive; it and your assignment of roommate(s) are non-negotiable. Learning to work through the challenges is part of the curriculum.</p>
<p>We had a friend whose son signed up for the substance free dorm...his choice. When he got there, he asked to be moved. He told his parents that MOST of the kids in there were there because their parents wanted them in the substance free dorm...and it was "less than substance free". No one used substances in the dorm...and they were discrete when returning to the dorm after the parties...but this kid felt that the only thing he gained in the sub free dorm was the extended weekday quiet hours in the evenings and early mornings.</p>
<p>My d was in the same situation last year. Forced into a similar specialty floor that she didn't want. She made friends with a few kids in the same situation (luckily, she loved her roommate) and then made friends with kids in other dorms where she spent her "social time". </p>
<p>She did regret not having the "typical" experience - she had many fewer "floor activities" and those that they did have were of a different quality, and didn't get along with most of the kids who had chosen that floor. But she made good friends elsewhere and made the best of it.</p>
<p>My guess is that she's just nervous overall, and this is a focal point for nervousness. As others have noted, all freshman dorms are substance-free anyway, and she's going to be with others who didn't specifically request such a dorm in their housing application. Nerves would be kicking in whether she got assigned a dorm on the "wrong" side of the campus, a room-mate that sounded undesirable, a class at 8:00 a.m. instead of 4:00 p.m., etc. There's always something.</p>
<p>She won't have any trouble finding lots of friends and people with the same attitudes. As Thumper1 noted, many of the kids in the substance free dorm are going to have been signed up by their parents anyway. Since the kids in her part of the dorm won't have signed any contracts not to smoke or drink, they won't face additional repurcussions if caught doing either (LOL). And college is all about new experiences, so she should face the year with humor and excitement. Next year she'll be able to try something different.</p>
<p>One of my kids was assigned a roommate who declared that he was a "Warrior for God" (evangelical Christian), who would convert my son. They made it through the year together peacefully, which some might view as a miracle of sorts. Neither boy converted the other and they'll never be best-buddies, but it was definitely a learning experience for both of them. Tell D to see how it goes, and not to worry overmuch.</p>
<p>There is a tendency to ferret out online opinions and to focus on the negative. I'm sure what she read is not the whole story. It also sounds like the school will be very amenable to her switching in two weeks. That's great.</p>
<p>My D agonized this year over whether to pick substance free housing. She doesn't use any substances, and doesn't intend to start in college. But she was worried about the "no fun" reputation that she thought substance free housing has. She is attending a school that does have a reputation for partying (and in fact almost didn't attend for that reason, but she decided the generous merit aid was too good to resist). She ended up not going the substance free route, but she did (1) agree to be in a "learning community" with other students with some similar academic interests, hoping that those students might have a little more of an academic leaning, and (2) marked on her roomate preference form that she likes to get up pretty early in the morning (she thought this might deter them from matching her with the hardest-core partiers). She gets her roommate assignment this week, so we will see...</p>
<p>As to your question of why she could request a change in two weeks, but not now?</p>
<p>At least the schools I'm familiar with assign dorm rooms until all are full. At this point in time they are probably all full. Colleges know that there will be some students that don't show up despite signed contracts, etc. After a couple of weeks they will really know where there are vacancies. In addition some students may arrive on campus and request a change. It can take some time to recognize and schedule all those changes.</p>
<p>Oh, I just posted on the specific forum for the college in question, and see that much of what I said there has already been said here. Again, I'm not sure whey you and D believe that being on a non substance-free floor or wing will make her experience atypical -- it will be the same as being on a floor or wing of a "regular" dorm. More importantly, being able to adapt to something different than what you expected/hoped for is a huge part of what college is all about. If she goes into it with a really negative attitude, she may well end up with just that. I tend to believe it won't be such a huge deal -- this is just her initial reaction.</p>
<p>She's off to a really great school, which I hope she enjoys as much as my D.</p>
<p>I think all freshmen dorms should be substance free for obvious reasons.
However, I think your d if she gives it a chance will find a very good group to LIVE with. Like you said, she can go to parties and whatever but it is very NICE to be able to sleep. My D could not sleep because her suitemates partied hard until 3-4 a.m. on school nights.....weekends were nonstop. So, explain to her that just because the other students don't do substance may not mean they aren't cool.....they just want to sleep or study some..... after all the drinking part of college is not where real relationships form....its the other part.</p>
<p>My advice is that your D forgets what she read online about the dorm she will be staying in. Otherwise she will be going into her dorm with a negative attitude that will be obvious to her fellow dorm occupants. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, she will have a difficult time being happy with what she got. I share your daughter's political and religious views, but conservatives are people, too. It'd be a good experience for her to dorm with other students who don't necessarily share her political or religious beliefs.</p>
<p>Also, substance-free sounds pretty good. She can go party at somebody else's dorm and come home to a nice, secure haven with no drunken bodies on the floor.</p>