Help...daughter committed but now uncertain

Colleges and Universities A-Z Tulane University
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<p>My daughter attended one of the Honors Weekends and committed to Tulane over the weekend. However, she is now having second thoughts. Of most concern to her are the students at Tulane. She has lived in Northern California her whole life and unfortunately didn't meet too many Tulane students while there for the weekend. Her host was nice but an upper classman who she didn't have too much in common with. She has heard negative comments about "east coast" kids and doesn't know what that means but is concerned she won't meet friends. This may all be "typical" anxiety about going to college. In general, she does tend to have a hard time making important decisions.</p>

<p>She has other good options but would most likely choose the school her sibling is at which is a large west coast university. </p>

<p>I am at a bit of a lose on what to do and how to help her. Anyone have any thoughts/advise? I'm failing in the parent department right now.</p>

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<p>oops, meant loss</p>

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<p>Did she join Facebook group of admitted students? My daughter is from SoCal and met many there and even arranged a lunch with two girls on the west side…things like this may help…however some kids simply get cold feet going so far away…
Staying in Ca. Is predictable and safe…exposing yourself to something so different and new is a real growing up adventure… She must decide whether there is a risk taker in her, you just can’t push…she must want it.</p>

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<p>Not all East Coasters are bad, I promise. :-)</p>

<p>I’ll be serious now, definitely encourage her to join the Class of 2017 Facebook group and get to know some of the other incoming students. 33% of incoming Freshman last year were from the Northeast. That leaves an entire 67% of students from other places.</p>

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<p>A few thoughts. Your daughter sounds like she is on the quiet and/or shy side. Forgive the radical assumptions, obviously I don’t know her, but I figure otherwise you wouldn’t be needing to start this thread. Depending on the degree of this, Tulane will either be a real opportunity to be more outgoing, or it will be a poor fit because she will feel isolated. Experience shows that the latter is less likely. Most kids either decide to be more assertive or adventurous (for them, anyway), or they find a group of similarly more low-key students. Only a very small percentage end up feeling like they should have stayed closer to home.</p>

<p>I will also point out that since she is an honors student she can live in Butler. I strongly suggest she pick either that dorm, where there will be mostly other students that are likely to fit her personality best, or Wall where there is an immediate sense of community. In fact at Wall I believe you are required to be on a couple of committees that essentially run the dorm, which means a guaranteed group of acquaintances at least. Either of those might be the best choice. The more “highly social” dorms, Monroe and Sharp, might be a bit too much immersion into the party culture.</p>

<p>California is one of the fastest growing regions for Tulane. There are really quite a few students from there. Sure the Eastern region dominates to some degree, that is indisputable. But as ExeterMama says, there are 2/3 from elsewhere, and also Tulane’s definition of East includes large areas of non-coastal parts of these states. For example, Pennsylvania includes not only Philly but also Pittsburgh, which is far more Midwest in character. Same for Syracuse, Buffalo, etc.</p>

<p>But I continue to think this whole “East Coast personality” thing is overblown. Like most stereotypes, there is some truth to the brash New Yorker image. That was true even when I was there. Have a good story about that, but a distraction for now. Anyway, depending on what your D decides to do in life she will run into more aggressive personalities all the time, most likely. It is good to learn to deal with it now. Besides, the other truth is that behind that bravado, in many cases that student is just as nervous about making new friends and succeeding in college as your D. If you can convince her of that, it might help.</p>

<p>All freshmen go in with the strong desire to make new friends. To some greater or lesser degree, that is why so many chose to go so far from home. New friends, new adventures, new life. This is a nearly absolute truth and if your D can really internalize that, she will have a wonderful time at Tulane.</p>

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<p>I think it is fairly normal to have second thoughts when you are making a big decision like where you will be spending the next four years. Most kids don’t meet that many students or potential classmates over Honors Weekend because they are busy taking it all in and have their parents with them every step of the way with the exception of the student panel. Orientation is a different matter. The beauty of a school like Tulane is that everyone arrives on the same footing. Very few, if any people come to Tulane knowing more than a few people and most know no one. My older son was pretty scared venturing out on his own, but the first time home for a break, he said multiple times it was the best decision he ever made. </p>

<p>We are from the South, but I am going to step up here and defend the East Coast kids. My son has many friends from the East Coast, both male and female. I have met several. They may talk funny, but so do I :slight_smile: , and they just seem like perfectly normal kids. And how much fun would it be for your daughter to meet someone from Boston or New York and get to go visit over a break or the summer and explore a different part of the country with someone who actually knows their way around? Will she meet some from the East Coast who she doesn’t like or have anything in common with - I am sure she will. But the same might be true for another Californian she might meet too. </p>

<p>You might consider having her apply to the Nola Experience. It would be a great way to get to know a smaller group of people before she in inundated with the remainder of her classmates on move-in day which can be an overwhelming experience for any student, no matter where they go or how outgoing they are.</p>

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<p>Oooh, good call on the NOLA Experience, kreative. That would be a great way to start out.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for helping calm my fears! My daughter did want to apply for the NOLA Experience. That actually really excited her. </p>

<p>A bit about her may help, she is out going and friendly. She did clubs and varsity sports in HS. She has a number of friends but isn’t in the cheerleader group or the most popular/cool group at school… She is an Honors kid but is just a “normal” kid that works hard and gets good grades. She wants to live in Sharp to meet people and is a bit afraid of being stuck with a bunch of smart “nerdy” kids in an honors dorm. She goes to a competitive prep school with a very diverse student body. Lots of very smart kids, many who are wealthy. We are just average w/ a Tulane merit award.</p>

<p>Once again, I really appreciate your comments. They are helping me and making me think that her concerns may be more about going to college versus Tulane. Her brothers school is the safety net and would be “comfortable”.</p>

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<p>Well, that’s great then. If she is outgoing, then my other comments about the dorm are moot. She sounds like she will do really well. I still encourage her to look at Wall though. It may still be a better fit.</p>

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<p>Don’t forget that Tulane has a lot of Midwestern students! My son (who will attend Tulane in the fall) is one of approximately 10 kids a year from his suburban Chicago school to start at Tulane.</p>

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<p>NPCX723–Tell your D not to fret! What she is experiencing is normal. And my D, who is likely attending Tulane in the fall (8 days and counting till she puts us out of our misery)sounds a lot like your D. So pm me, I will tell you her name, and your D can chat with her on the fb page. D wants to live in Sharpe, is a bit nervous about finding balance between academics and fun, and straddles the different and often rocky social strata at her school (cool kids, HP fans, athletes, theater types, etc)…she’s a jack of all trades master of none. She loves the Tulane spirit and the wonderful community service options and the challenge of meeting folks different from herself, yet also stresses about finding a place among them all. She has a comfort choice school calling its siren song to her as well. While she would be considered “east coast” because she hails from New Jersey, she was raised in mountains of North Carolina and is diverse in thought, religious and ethnic background, etc…I bet once you scratch the surface, most students are more of a mixture than our girls believe they are at first glance. And while she somehow didn’t make the honors cut (nbd really) she is also a lucky recipient of a generous merit scholarship and very academically minded. Hope this helps.</p>

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<p>and Yay New Trier, by the way…my alma mater! Go Trevians!</p>

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<p>mofthree or newtrierdad - what is a Trevian? I suppose I could look it up, but you might have inside info.</p>

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<p>FC: New Trier’s school spirit/athletic teams are referred to as the Trevians. This is a recent innovation. The original school team name was the Indians. For about 20 years New Trier was split into 2 campuses. New Trier East (the original school) retained their name. New Trier West (my alma mater) was called the Cowboys. When West closed due to a baby bust, the combined school took a new name, the Trevians. Is this too much information??,</p>

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<p>New Trier’s team nick name is the Trevians. It is rather new: it results from a 20 year split in the school that ended in 1982. Originally, the team name was the Indians, with the temporary added campus – which I attended – called the Cowboys.</p>

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<p>Sorry for the duplicate posting.</p>

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<p>Yup…and I was, for better or worse, an appointed member of the commitee of 21 who chose the name and new colors. I was a NT West-er til my senior year. The Trevian is a roman-type warrior, “Trier” or Treves (in English) is a German town from ancient times. Okay this is probably a huge cc digression. But there you have it.</p>

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<p>Oh well, I figured we could digress at this point. I think her question was answered. And no, it wasn’t too much info. A neat new fact, what a Trevian is. Definitely a unique nickname.</p>

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<p>Yes, my question was answered, thank you all. What a great group!</p>

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<p>Rumor has it this is the best group on CC!!</p>