<p>Is there anyone who would be willing to look over my essay for me and provide feedback? I am applying early decision on December 1st and it would be a great help. My main concerns are the second paragraph and the ending. I was trying to talk about how other aspects of my life were affected, but I feel like it came across as me just listing other things that I have done. If there are any suggestions on how to fix this, please let me know.</p>
<p>Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.</p>
<p>Sweat drips down the back of my neck as I glance at the other students kneeling at attention along the edge of the training mat. After all the work that brought me to this point- nearly ten years of training, a written paper, and this grueling four hour test- the only thing that stands between me and my black belt is two minutes of free sparring. My name is called, and I roll from my kneeling position to the center of the mat. After bowing my respect to Shihan, our master teacher, I confidently pick my mother as my opponent. After all, what better way to display my martial arts skills than to spar the woman who had signed me up in the first place, and who had been training alongside me for years? Together, we backed into our fighting stances, and the fight began. </p>
<p>I was first signed up for Ju-Jitsu when I was four years old. My mom had come from an abusive home and hoped that learning to protect myself would mean that I never had to endure what she had. I was signed up to learn basic self-defense, but learning to block and throw punches was only the beginning. When I was young, I was extremely shy, to the point of not being able to speak in front of strangers. Ju-Jitsu gave me confidence, first through learning how to stand up for myself and avoid conflicts, and then as I got older by student teaching for the childrens classes. Eventually I was able to get up in front of a class of over twenty adults and children and lead them through stretches and warm ups. As I was given more responsibilities, progressing from leading the warm ups in the beginning of class to teaching full techniques, I gained experience in talking to others and became more confident in myself. </p>
<p>This newfound confidence carried over into many other aspects of my life. I was able to give presentations in school without stammering and fidgeting, as I once had. I was given solos in chorus and, once I reached high school, I auditioned for the school musical. Although I did not get a main part, my audition did earn me a small speaking role, and opened the door to my love of theater. Ju-jitsu also helped me on the lacrosse field. As a goalkeeper, it is important for me to be able to communicate to my teammates clearly and confidently at all times. Teaching techniques at the dojo built my communication skills and in turn made me a better goalie.</p>
<p>Ju-Jitsu also gave me the tools to learn responsibility and dedication. For as long as I can remember, I had been working towards the goal of earning my black belt. That had always seemed to me to be the end of the road as far as my training went. But as my mom said in her black belt paper, much the same as graduating from high school, earning a black belt is not the end of a journey, but the beginning. The Shodan (first degree black belt) is like a high school senior at graduation, facing a new and exciting world with open arms, an open mind and full of expectations of what yet lies ahead for them to learn. The goal that I had worked toward for so long was, in reality, a new beginning. Earning my black belt led to a new level of training in preparation for the second degree black belt. This taught me that there is not one ultimate goal in life. Life is made up of dozens or hundreds of small goals that all converge to make a person who they are.</p>