Help for Introverted Kid Who Doesn't Get the HS Awards

<p>Donemom, my point is this. Set some criteria for an award.Publish the criteria. Measure that criteria in a fair fashion, let the chips fall where they may. D does win UIL awards, off campus awards and at our school those are announced at awards night (unlike some other schools on CC). Also D's school does not pit AP against Honor's or Regular. Each against only students on the same track.</p>

<p>Let's get it specific. Example. This event did not happen. Student A has the highest test average, highest daily grade average, highest class participation average in the AP Biology class. Student B has none of the above. Both student A and student B qualify for regional science fair by winning their divisions at District Science Fair .Student A is an officer in the Band. During the regional science fair the Band is in a competition. Student A is unable to attend. Student B attends , qualifies for state and wins state and the medals, scholarships and newspaper clippings that follow therefrom. Time comes for the science award for the class. B gets it. Why?</p>

<p>When questioned by my D about a similar situation my daughter was told by the teacher that "The award goes to who I say it goes to and my reasons are my own and personal." Sounds fair to me. (It did however provide a teachable moment that I used wisely. LOL.)</p>

<p>I got timed out on my edit ,donemom. I am not disagreeing with parents who feel their child was ignored on award's night. I will not defend a school that fails to mention an Intel Winner or Math Olympiad participant. I think that is absurd. </p>

<p>So, luckily most of the problems mentioned don't apply to D's school. Thank goodness. That's why I didn't post until now. It was your comment that your student received the English award but didn't feel he deserved it, that prompted my posting. I believe he did deserve it and I believe some districts ignore students like him, also. The other student deserved a creative writing award which IMHO is not the same thing as an English award.</p>

<p>somemom, the system you describe doesn't sound fair at all! Maybe I'm misunderstanding it, but it seems to be simply a forced way of maintaining status quo: guarantee that the kids who are tracked into non-honors classes stay at the bottom, by giving them a final exam they cannot possibly do well on, since it covers material they have not been taught; and guarantee that the kids in the APs reap all the rewards because they have an easy exam that they don't even have to study for. So that is the most rigged, unfair, demoralizing system I can imagine. If you think it is fair, you probably have a kid who was lucky enough to be tracked at the top all the way through. </p>

<p>If you had a kid who was in a lower "ability" level class who was working his butt off for an A, and ended up with C's in all his classes because he couldn't pass the hurdle of doing well on the same test that is given to the AP kids... I think you'd be pretty ticked off.</p>

<p>I see what you're saying, curmudgeon. I think your remarks concerning my English award example are the same as my conclusion: have awards that recognize different attributes, and that will create a wider net within a real, merit based system.</p>

<p>Interesting discussion. While colleges may not give a hoot about the awards, I still find it sad that an institution such as the public school system teaches my child nepotism and hypocrisy. Also, I think the student cares a great deal how he is perceived by his school, teachers and within his peer group at this point in his life - the culmination of 4 plus years of very hard work. I agree with curmudgeon that the selection process should be published with specific criteria. Believe me, when Grandma or neighbor Sue reads the list of awards in the local paper, neither is thinking it is nepotism, each is thinking of it as an accomplishment. I hope it does not discourage my son from committing himself in the future. I know that he did not do anything for recognition - he has been campaigning for our school override since leaving school with nothing to gain personally, that is who he is - but I know he would have been thrilled to be recognized. One thing I have realized about teachers and administrators through the years - they often don't know much about the students really. For example, I am sure that no one teacher or administrator knew the many things that my son, and others like him, have done for the school. A criteria based award would make everything much fairer.</p>

<p>We just left the Junior High of Favorites-
lots of awards to teachers' pets</p>

<p>but awards that came from out of the schools power- acceptance with honors, scholarships, essay contests- all went to kids not teachers' faves...just goes to show you</p>

<p>I did send off my Ds scholarships award information to a couple of local papers, who knows, a couple of newsletters are announcing her FULL RIDE to the private highschool of her choice!!! YES!! even covers books!!! It was a national scholarship given to 15 8th graders nationwide!!! Okay, now the CC family knows!!!</p>

<p>Thanks for letting me share. At the school, they just said, so and so scholarship. Blah.</p>

<p>citygirlsmom, so cool!! Congratulations to your D. Where will she use the scholarship? at a local high school or can it be used at boarding schools,too?</p>

<p>Either, but she is staying local at a college prep....we suggested boarding school because we could have save even more money!!!! It makes sense in a twisted sort of way@!!!</p>

<p>And congrats to all the great kids talked about on this thread...know that you have done great things and will do well in college. We lived through it in Junior High and the ones that got all the accolades are just doing so so in highschool, while those that worked for works sake and did well without all the awards, are shining in highschool!!!</p>

<p>congrats to your wonderful D!</p>

<p>quiltguru -</p>

<p>I have not read all of the posts in this thread (except for some of the first ones), so I apologize if I am about to repeat something someone else has said.</p>

<p>I also apologize in advance if what I about to say is blunt. I hesitate about writing this, but I have to say it. Your original post - paraphrased in my head - is something like: "My daughter was passed over for high school awards. She was devestated (and I feel terrible as well). I need to find her some outside awards she can apply for to help her self-esteem."</p>

<p>While we all agree that the awards (best French student, etc) that are handed out at these events are meaningless in terms of college applications, we also agree that it can hurt to be overlooked. Yes, there certainly are factors that come into play that range from teacher's pet to nepotism (Did you see my post on the math department chair giving the math award to her son?).</p>

<p>But the question about finding outside awards for your daughter to apply for is exactly the wrong thing to do. There are two problems with that: First, it reinforces the feeling that you find these awards VERY IMPORTANT - important enough that since she didn't get any from the high school, she'd better find some other ones to get. Secondly, think about the time and effort to find and apply for these other awards, and most importantly, what it would do for her "self-esteem" if she does all of that work and doesn't get any of these awards. It's not the right thing to do.</p>

<p>I would just move on. Disappointment is a part of life, and disappointment over relatively small things like the HS awards is fairly easy to put behind oneself. But if you bring up other awards and push for those, then you are sending the wrong message.</p>

<p>Please forgive me if I have been too blunt, but it is with the upmost respect and care and well-wishes that I'm saying all of this.</p>

<ul>
<li>Bob</li>
</ul>

<p>


I went back and read the posts and I see NSM has already made this point.</p>

<p>Calmom: It is difficult to explain it succinctly, but in our region, every single student must pass the same final exam in certain classes (English, math, etc) It is the same exam at both public and private schools. The various ability-grouped classes are designed to help the lowest kids pass the thing while allowing the kids with higher ability to excel, score well and learn much more than is covered on the exam. I have kids of various ability levels, one who is tippy-top, others who score lower and they have friends who are lucky to pass at all in some subjects.</p>

<p>It took me a while to understand the system here, but the more I read on this board and others, the more fair it feels. These kids must pass that English 12 exam in order to graduate, public or private school- any level, same exam. By having a class geared for their level, they get a high enough class mark to average with the lower exam mark that they pass and they have understood the basics. The higher achieving kids are able to learn more than that basic curriculum and still be successful. In this area APs are not the mad crazy obsession they are in other places- you might take 2-3-4-may be 5 if you're amazing, that's it. No APs are taken before 11th grade and it works fine and gets get into high calibre schools.</p>

<p>One of my kids is tops in her grade and believe me, she studies for all the exams, they are 2-3 hours long and lots of work, but she has learned more than just that info during the year.</p>

<p>The school does not honour the top 10, and they grade in exact percentages, so an A is not an A, it's a 93% or 95% or whatever. They also don't rank in general, but every one knows who is on top and the very top students also are in the toughest programs. A slightly less than stellar student could take easier classes and bump up their ranking, but you rarely see any one thinking that way. So, #12 could be "better" than #8 but have taken the "wrong" classes for the accoldares. My oldest always wants to do things the hard way, she could have gamed the system to excel in ranking, but she wanted to be in the tough track with the other top kids, she was ranked lower than she might have been if she had elected a slightly different set of electives, but that was her choice.</p>

<p>quiltguru</p>

<p>I have read this whole thread and I see that many parents have an issue with the way awards are determined (and from another thread the way NHS is determined). There is also an issue on the other end of the equation, students that the teachers "don't like", but are quite bright. These students are often the ones that have a different opinion and speak up. It really depends upon how the teachers handle it.</p>

<p>If you are looking for advice I would suggest what many of the other parents are suggesting, look for things that your child is interested in that may have an award that goes with along with it. It is my belief (perhaps it is really just a hope) that colleges know that HSs do not always reward the best and the brightest so they look to the regional and national competitions that have more objective criterea. It also enable them to compare students between schools.</p>

<p>I understand that your heart may be breaking but I am sure with your help and support your daughter will be fine. 10 years from now she will look back at this and see how silly some of it was.</p>

<p>This thread resonated with me, but hey, I'm still sizzling over a pre-school birthday party that my son didn't get invited to. :).</p>

<p>My son's high school had a "private" academic awards program. Only those receiving awards (and their parents) were invited to the ceremony and they were notified just a few days beforehand. During my son's Freshman year, no awards; we didn't even know the program existed. </p>

<p>Sophomore year he received an award in some arts-related class; none for hardcore academic achievement. Going to the event and seeing all the "insiders" up on the stage was like stumbling into an alternate universe or a secret society of achievers.</p>

<p>Junior year he won the jackpot -- a whole bucketful of awards, one in almost every discipline; he had arrived. </p>

<p>Senior year, zilch, zero, nada. Same kid, even better grades (his best year), same courses, many of the same teachers! Even though it didn't matter on the college acceptance front, being 100% passed over was disappointing and discouraging -- and baffling.</p>

<p>Although my reaction (perhaps defensive) was to discount the whole system as meaningless and political, what concerned me was that the teachers and administrators who determined these wacky awards were the same people who wrote my son's recommendations! Had junior year been the no-recognition year, the general consensus that he wasn't a "winner" may have seeped into the recommendations. This is why the whole arbitrary awards system gives me the chills. </p>

<p>Quiltguru, since your daughter has so many non-academic talents and interests there should be a way for her to her get recognition for her achievements, even without "official" high school awards. Having writing published, being cited in a newspaper or magazine article, receiving an award from your local community are ways to highlight an achievement and all of these are good add-ons to a college application.</p>

<p>digmedia, I absolutely agree with you...as noted in my post #11. As the other posters have sorted out, I don't know about the offerings for students of her caliber and interests in objectively adjudicated competitions and was asking for guidance here. I appreciate all the support and suggestions from the parents on this board. These parents are the greatest and have given me some places to look. We also scheduled a meeting with her advisor...NOT to discuss any of this, but to explore opportunities outside school (he's her choir director) for participation for her.</p>

<p>Quiltguru, I still have to write you about the NFAA award stuff, I will. </p>

<p>Momrath, I don't know if you recall past threads on this topic but I told you that my D who graduated last year (as val) had a similar experience with the award ceremony as well. In ninth, none, though was not really eligible for much then. At our school, which teachers give awards out is up to their discretion and some do it and some don't and in her tenth grade year, none of the HONORS level teachers gave any out and so the whole ceremony was kids in lower tracks getting awards which I think they richly deserve for achievements in their classes but the top kids in the class were all passed over. In essence she was not eligible for any cause her classes/teachers did not opt to give them out except in one subject and she got it. In eleventh, admittedly she got many but some of those had specific criteria, like top junior or top science student which became book awards or Baush and Lomb award (not based on popularity but on grades). Senior year she was not even invited! And she was first in the class...this was an academic award ceremony. Last night I was driving by the school with my current senior and there were a lot of cars there and she said it was academic award night....did not know that as you must be invited....she has never been invited any year. She is not the top student in the class but one of the accomplished ones.</p>

<p>Picking up on what Eagle79 wrote: "There is also an issue on the other end of the equation, students that the teachers "don't like", but are quite bright. These students are often the ones that have a different opinion and speak up." I can relate to this. I know some here have posted the dilemma of having a top student who is quiet or introverted and maybe not as "noticed" by teachers. But that is not an issue with my kids (though I can relate to the award thing itself). My kids are not quiet though the older one is more than the younger one. Teachers loved my older one. The younger one...either a teacher loves her or HATES her. This has nothing to do with her work or how bright she is (is quite gifted in fact). She is surely one who speaks up. My other one did too but this one does even MORE. Some teachers might truly dislike a kid like this. I know some of her teachers have. So, it is not just quiet ones passed over but sometimes the ones who "hold their own" so to speak, also would never be picked for an award. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

<p>For a number of reasons, my kids have not tended to get HS awards. As Susan points out there are a number of reasons kids get passed over for such awards, and I have had those as well. So I look at these award ceremonies as a nice occaision to see my kids' classmates, teachers, parents and enjoy them for that without my breath held for ANY recognition. If they get something, fine, but no big deal. And I don't make it seem like a big deal to the kids either so that they don't feel that way either. We moved so much that some of my kids were disadvantaged that way, some like the OP's situation were introverted, some too extroverted. You name it. Congratulations to those who get awards, I am happy for them. It is so nice to see everyone at this gathering. That is the way I look at these things and it seems to take the edge off for my kids too.</p>

<p>Quiltguru,
I have a younger child who experiences some of the difficulties that your D has. She's very shy, doesn't participate as much as she should and it seems that she is always passed over for recognition. My older child who is also shy but very likeable (something my D is not always) seems to receive more recognition but is not the student that my D is. I won't go into the boring details but I feel that her personality is such that she is not recognized but passed over for more "likeable" students.</p>

<p>My D, like yours participates in an activity that is not "popular" at her school. Therefore she does not receive any recognition for her talents. We found that finding outside activities for her was the best thing that we could do for her. She has grown both more confidence and musically. There are many vocal opportunties that would help your D in ways that she might not even know. I agree that it is so fustrating to not see recognition for obvious talents. Or to see others recognized and yours ignored.</p>

<p>"Junior year he won the jackpot -- a whole bucketful of awards, one in almost every discipline; he had arrived. </p>

<p>Senior year, zilch, zero, nada. Same kid, even better grades (his best year), same courses, many of the same teachers! Even though it didn't matter on the college acceptance front, being 100% passed over was disappointing and discouraging -- and baffling.</p>

<p>Although my reaction (perhaps defensive) was to discount the whole system as meaningless and political, what concerned me was that the teachers and administrators who determined these wacky awards were the same people who wrote my son's recommendations! "</p>

<p>Maybe he didn't get awards senior year because he had won so many junior year that the teachers wanted to give someone else a chance to be recognized. It's not as if your son never had had any recognition. My guess is that, too, parents/teachers may have noticed how many awards he got junior year, and they may have felt that it was unfair to other kids who also were deserving. Thus, even though your son performed better the next year, other students were given the awards. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, your son had benefited from all of the awards he got junior year because the timing allowed them to be listed on his college apps. That's not true with school awards given senior year.</p>

<p>Reading this post gives me a new appreciation for my Ds' Catholic girls school. At Class Day every student is recognized in some way. For some it may be most improved in algebra I or a community service award. For others it may number to 10 awards including a book award or other national recognition. When a students' name is called all of the awards are announced and then they come forward. While some awards have more meaning in the college arena, all were thought out by the faculty and staff and in doing so each girl is appreciated for who she is and what she has accomplished. While it takes a bit longer, it is well worth it to see the smiles of the kids who try just as hard but may not achieve the same objective benchmarks. I understand the senior award assembly is the same idea.</p>