Help for Introverted Kid Who Doesn't Get the HS Awards

<p>Quiltguru - Have you looked into the Presidentrial Scholars Awards? It's very prestigious and is geared to honoring scholars who are also artistic...since she appears to be talented in drama and also smart, this might be just the ticket for her...google their website (it's federally-sponsored)</p>

<p>My youngest S will not accept awards. If there is a ceremony he will not go. He has won awards and never told us. He says he doesn't believe in awards; that other kids do as much or more than he does. He asserts that an award (outside of his individual sport) doesn't mean much to him because he often can't figure out why he got it except that he speaks up, is out-going, and friendly.</p>

<p>I appreciated how my D and S's h.s. handled this sort of thing. The teachers and administrators reinforced from the time they entered the notion that these kids were notable by virtue of their being there and accepting the challenge of attending this rigorous school. Then, all through their four years, the school officials constantly demonstrated their pride in the kids' academic/character growth and varying achievements. This was done in the form of sincere, little things treasured because they came from fair, intelligent, well-educated people who had a discerning eye for true accomplishment. These things included a pat on the back; a timely, well-thought-out remark; smaller recognition luncheons within a smaller, pertinent body; beautifully crafted notes from teachers, a written offer by the school library to purchase the kids artwork, etc. Significantly, the school officials reinforced esprit de corp so that the kids felt part of a larger force, in which each contributed something unique. At the end of senior year, there were a few awards given, but there was already a strong platform built so that the kids who didn't win could truly glory in their friends' awards while being quietly aware of their own achievements. Like in the movie Babe, the farmer's gentle, understated pride in his statement: "That'll do, pig, that'll do." I felt it much more meaningful and satisfying than any of the splashy awards ceremonies I'd experienced in other places. I'm not usually large-minded, but this had a profound effect on me as a parent and I learned a great deal from watching how this was done.</p>

<p>I am currently a junior and my school recently passed out the harvard and other books awards and medals. But I did not receive any. I was devastated knowing that I am more accomplished than some of the other people who did win awards. I was wondering how they chose the recipients. Can someone tell me info regarding the selection process?</p>

<p>Yes, crash. They are ARTS awards by NFAA. She's going over repertoire with her voice teacher today, as a matter of fact!</p>

<p>hyp9- The high schools choose the recipients of these awards. The colleges may give them guidelines, but - interestingly - they aren't always followed. For instance, Wellesley, where I went, wants its book award to go a female which seems to make sense as Wellesley is an all-women's college. A local private school in my area wanted to give it to a male. I don't believe it's given at that school anymore since the college and school were at an impasse on this issue.</p>

<br>


<br>

<p>My D got one of those awards (from a southern college we never heard of). She said the only ones present at the ceremony were the students who were getting the awards. Looking around, she saw the other kids who were top scorers on PSAT, so maybe that had something to do with it.</p>

<p>My D's school gave out Harvard Book Award, Wellesley, and Mt. Holyoke Book Awards to the 3 most popular girls in the class. The one who got the H award is convinced it means she'll be accepted to H. Anything's possible.</p>

<p>quiltguru,
I wish your daughter the best with NFAA. As for HS, it's hard to be unappreciated in your own country - maybe remind her of the lack of honor that many composers recieved at her. Since she is quiet, her work is going to speak for her at some point. </p>

<p>At our senior awards night (you are invited if you will get something), about a quarter of the senior class received at least one award - a plaque for participating in the freshman mentor program. Another batch - with quite a bit of overlap - received plaques for acheiving the Ohio Honors Diploma. Senior members of most of the academic and arts clubs were recognized. Most $ went to needy kids. So far, we're cool. </p>

<p>But then we get to the Courageous Althete Award. The kid that received it is not the problem - he is a talented young quarterback and decent enough person. But he was receiving it for playing a session without his ACL attached. Brave of him, certainly, but the morons in the athletic department (to say nothing of his parents) let him play that way. He is going to a local college on a partial scholarship - and will get it reattached when he has time. I truly do not understand this one.</p>

<p>Yeah, I guess that makes him more of a man playing injured. Of course, when he's 40 yrs old and needs a knee replacement, he can look fondly on that award.</p>

<p>Wow ! We had a different experience. The kids that received awards at my son's school were leaders throughout the 4 years of high school.
( senior class of 55-Private High School). They put the school on the map and went above and beyond any task required of them. My son and his friends coasted through high school and constantly took the easy way out. While I could say some of the awards were political or inclusionary in a sense, once we heard how much the person achieved and the form of leadership they displayed, heck they deserved the awards. The proof later on was in the college acceptances- many of these kids went on to the top schools and the complainers who said "those students kissed up" went onto 2nd,3rd tier LAC's and state schools. So the teachers pulled the strings with the college admissions boards to get the butt kissers into top schools? If so I am naive. </p>

<p>Of course I realize that many of you stated that your kids were shining stars (and my son and his friends were not) ;maybe it is political in some schools- heck politics is rampant everywhere why not in school also? It is just that our experience was different than what is described above.</p>

<p>hyp9: Exact quote from my daughter earlier this week: "I really am hoping for a book award, but I don't think I'll get it because I didn't put in enough face time with teachers this year."</p>

<p>Don't be devastated. Look at it the way my daughter does - as something that requires a certain amount of effort on the social front to achieve. </p>

<p>I'd also like to add that this is true in life as well - it isn't always the best-qualified person at work who gets honored as "employee of the month" or who gets the promotion. You don't need to change your approach, because awards aren't particularly important -- but you do need to recognize that they often go to the people with strong interpersonal skills, not necessarily the person who is "best" at anything else.</p>

<p>calmom is exactly right. This reminds me so much of some people who worked for me wondering why they might have been overlooked for promotions. They certainly viewed themselves as qualified for the promotions, but these other factors were extremely important in the work place.</p>

<p>songman - do you believe the guidance counselor could be biased in his/her recommendation if he/she has a positive relationship with the student (cheerful, cooperative, not the kind who takes a different point of view), lots of "face" time with one student versus another, or knows the parents from temple, church, PTA, etc, if applying to the same school? We live in a very small town - the GC hangs out with some of the parents. While I don't believe that this is true across the board in any way, I do believe that counselors and teachers cannot write the same glowing recommendation for all 10 kids who are applying and therefore will have some bias. OTOH, I feel very strongly that outside of the top 1 or 2 students, the ones who secured top school acceptances were generally good students who understood the concept of packaging themselves (or their parents did) and who didn't listen to the GC's advice to aim low!</p>

<p>digmedia - if the awards were based on interpersonal skills, the criteria should have noted that. I work in healthcare and while it's important to have some interpersonal skills, it's also important to make a correct diagnosis. I again find it sad that so many parents are complacent with the well, this is life, routine, it's a lesson, etc. What happened to doing things the right way - shouldn't we hold the public school to some standards of practice?</p>

<p>digmedia - presumably your employees have reviews and you do your job by alerting them to their strengths and weaknesses - these kids are sitting there quite clueless</p>

<p>So here's a new twist. My introverted D actually won an undergraduate award tonight in Art. Unfortunately, the school never sent us a letter, so neither she nor my husband and I were at the event to see her receive it!
Oh well, there's always next year!</p>

<p>Rileydog, there ARE no "criteria" for most of these awards. I don't know how it is done at every single school, but generally there is simply an announcement to the effect that Hermione Granger has won the Hogwarts Book Award for Excellence in Divination - no one put out a set of rules at the beginning of the year, nor were there any application forms to be filled out. The teachers generally rely more on gut level overall feelings about who they want to acknowledge.</p>

<p>I'd like to point out that "interpersonal intelligence" is the 6th of the 7 basic intelligences originally identified by Howard Gardner. It can be defined as representing the inherent capacity to understand the intentions, motivations and desires of other people, allowing an individual to work effectively with others.</p>

<p>It may not be something that is meaured in grades and SATs, but it is an important life skill, and to the extent that schools play a role in socialization, it is very valid for school awards to recognize students who display strength in that area, among others. </p>

<p>Your kid may not be able to figure out the "face time" requirement without having it spelled out, by my daughter can. That's not because my daughter fawns all over teacher or always aims to please -- on the contrary, she is quick to confront a teacher who she feels is wrong, and loves nothing more than a good debate in class. But she is very socially adept and knows what she is doing and how people are responding to her. </p>

<p>My son was different - he really had to work to learn those things - his strengths leaned more toward logical-mathematical and intrapersonal (introspective; self-aware) intelligences. But now that he is employed rather than in school, his interpersonal skills are the most important - and fortunately he has developed them, in part because he has been very open to the training he has received at work. That has opened a lot of doors for him.</p>

<p>Also, if a high school age kid is "clueless" as to the simple aspects of social interaction that make some kids win the elections and get all the awards, then that says something about their overall abilities. Every kid has their own sets of strengths and weaknesses, but teachers generally make clear when they want and value class participation. It tends to be written in rubrics that describe grading criteria. </p>

<p>I'm not saying that the introverted math genious who can't manage to utter two words in class is stupid -- but I am saying that maybe the kid in calculus who actually showed up to class, had to work a little harder for an A but also took the time to ask questions in class when she was confused and, once she got a concept offered to help other kids who still needed help - really did deserve the math award more. </p>

<p>Kids like that not only perform well, they contribute. Awards tend to go to people perceived as giving something of value to the group. </p>

<p>I'm specifically using calculus as an example because my own son regularly cut that class throughout his entire senior year, showing up only to take the exams - for which he always got A's -- and no, he didn't win any math awards and nor do I think he deserved any beyond the grades. Oddly enough, he was given some sort of award in social studies, which was not a particular strength -- but he likes to discuss politics and took government and econ that year, so maybe those were the classes where he stood out more. </p>

<p>I am not trying to dump on anyone else's kid -- I'm just trying to point out that we as parents are often making a mistaken assumption in the first place when we suppose that the critiria for these awards are based solely on measurable individual achievement or accomplishment.</p>

<p>In fairness, some awards do have criteria and it is not based on any popularity or subjectivity or being extroverted, etc. Here, there are only two Book Awards and they go to the top junior girl and the top junior boy. My older kid got it as a junior, it was from Wellesley that year. I believe the Bausch and Lomb Award she got also was pretty objective...I think the top two science kids got either the Rensaleer Medal or the Bausch and Lomb. It was more grades based. </p>

<p>I have mentioned before, however, that which teachers choose to give awards is totally up to them and it seems many of the highest level class teachers do not give them. We were not at awards night last night (was not invited) but today my D mentioned who got them (while she is graduating, she really is in the junior class so it was her peers) and she heard about the Book Awards and the science ones (like her sister had gotten as a junior) but said that no awards were given to the highest level English and History classes for juniors (the one she is in) which she could care less about (and she is going to college now anyway) but she did comment about what if you are really good at Humanities (like her) and in the hardest level classes (this integrated course is one of the most demanding at our school and it is basically the top of the class kids academically who are in it), and then you are not eligible for any awards. Right. That's kinda how it is here. My kids don't get upset because it is all such a trend and we are so used to it by now. </p>

<p>nunofyurbeesknees....that story you posted earlier tonight reminds me of last year here. My older D was a senior and was first in the class and you only can go to award night if invited. The invitations go out pretty close to the event. She was not sure if she'd be invited but since she had in the past, and since she was val, she thought there was a strong possibility (logically you might think so) and she would have a conflict because that same night was her clarinet recital that her clarinet teacher was holding and she really wanted my D to play as she was her longest and highest level student and she wanted to honor her at the recital. She held off as long as she could and then she asked the principal's secretary if an invitation was coming or not (they go out very very close to the award night) because she had to commit one way or the other to her clarinet recital and the secretary told my D that she would not be getting an invitation and she didn't. So, she did her clarinet recital (different location) and the next day, her French teacher asked, "how come you weren't here last night at awards?" and some kids were saying "congrats on the French award" and apparently she DID get an award and should have been invited but was NOT. She and her best friend had finished French V as juniors (had skipped ahead) and so as seniors they wanted to continue on and did a paired independent study of French 6 under the supervision of their French teacher and he honored them both at awards night and she missed it. So, kinda like your daughter's situation above (congrats to her by the way!! ).
Susan</p>

<p>hyp9... I'm in the same situation. I'm happy for most of the people who got it, but I'd say a good quarter of them are potheads who get drunk every weekend and/or tools who only do AP classes and work hard to get a high GPA instead of actually being interested in what they do. A little disappointing, but oh well. It's good in life to be able to feel good about one's accomplishments without outside reassurance and affirmation.</p>

<p>"It's good in life to be able to feel good about one's accomplishments without outside reassurance and affirmation."</p>

<p>Very true, ladylazarus!</p>

<p>soozievt - maybe one reason that some teachers in honors and AP classes don't give the awards is that they have so many strong and deserving students that there isn't a fair way to distinguish among them. Basically the same rationale as to why the Ivies don't give merit aid.</p>

<p>Kids who are distinguishing themselves with high grades, high test scores, high class rank, and performing well in advanced classes really shouldn't need the validation of an award to remind them how smart they are. But these awards really mean a lot to a kid who has had to work a lot harder to achieve in class, and many teachers do want to see awards night honor and acknowledge the kids who are not the superstars. </p>

<p>I'm sorry, but my kids are often friendly with kids who are not as academically accomplished as they are, and I used to help out in the classroom a lot when they were in elementary school, so I've really gotten to know a lot of these kids and really care about them. Whenever I see some kid who I know has had a harder time in school or in life get some sort of award, I think "how nice" and I get warm & fuzzy feelings inside. Whenever I see a top performer (including one of my own) get an award, I think "it figures" and I don't feel much at all. Maybe this is just me - I'm the kind of person who always roots for the underdog. So I guess if I were a teacher choosing which kid gets the award, I'd have a lot of parents of high-achievers ticked off at me, too.</p>