<p>DS had a disastrous first semester, grade-wise. </p>
<p>From what I’ve been able to piece together, he fell behind almost right away, then was too embarrassed/ashamed/proud to ask for help.</p>
<p>I’ve suggested all the usual sources for help: A&S College Adviser, Instructors, TAs, roommates, church, classmates. (He is not in a frat.)</p>
<p>Anybody have ideas? Anybody have particularly good experience with CAS or other helper-organizations?</p>
<p>Any hidden gems other than the answers that are right in front of his nose? PM me if it’s too personal to share in this thread (names of counselors, local life-coaches, etc.).</p>
<p>Ultimately, it’s his problem to solve. I’d just hate to see this experience end on a negative.</p>
<p>I have done a lot of research into the Office of Disability Services and the Counseling Center that’s part of the Student Health Center (preparing for my son, who has some pretty significant anxiety issues). I’m not sure if either of those fit your son’s needs (as far as what was underlying the struggle) but they are available on campus.</p>
<p>Did he not let you see his midterm grades on MyBama?</p>
<p>If I remember correctly, he’s not on a scholarship.</p>
<p>What’s his major? Was it too hard for him (STEM??)</p>
<p>Yes, he needs to go to the free tutoring right from the get go (not once he feels behind). The link is above. My kids were tutors there and the place offers tutoring in a number of subjects. Also, depts also offer tutoring.</p>
<p>Billthepoet…my experience tells me that kids who don’t turn the work in typically don’t go to class either. Do you have access to myBama?
What type of student was your son in High School?</p>
<p>my experience tells me that kids who don’t turn the work in typically don’t go to class either</p>
<p>Completely agree. I highly doubt that he went to classes that he wasn’t turning in work. Doesn’t make sense, so not likely.</p>
<p>I would ask Bama for a semester off. I wouldn’t just pay and have him return. The classes weren’t too tough. He’s distracted or not yet ready for college. I’d have him work this next semester and only return if you’re certain that he’s ready. And, when he does return, have him use some of his earnings to reimburse you for the failed semester.</p>
<p>Bill, it can be hard to come on here where everyone’s kids <em>seem</em> to be amazing, genius students sailing through college. Kudos to you for reaching out to this very knowledgable group. I hope you are receiving lots of encouraging and informative PMs. </p>
<p>I have a child who also surprised us at the end of his first semester, in spite of being a D1 athlete with all the built-in support of that system. It’s no fun. In spite of that (and it was at a different school), I don’t feel like I have much to offer besides encouragement. Well, and maybe a suggestion to really do what it takes to get to the root of the problem in order to determine the best path. There may be issues that need dealing with before he can be successful.</p>
<p>Bill, has he done some honest self reflection on what went wrong and shared that with you? If not, I would want him to do so before I shelled out another semester of tuition and related costs. What he needs to do (and the services he needs) to improve will be different if he fell behind because he was out partying or playing video games, vs. falling behind because he underestimated the amount of time required to get things done, didn’t have good executive function/organizational skills, study skills, etc. He may not be able to give you a fine tuned plan if he doesn’t know all the resources available, but I would ask him to give you a basic plan of what he’s going to do to make sure spring semester is a success.</p>
<p>I did this in college. Looking back, it is clear to me that I was DEPRESSED. I chose to sleep…a lot. I still struggle occasionally, but with help, went on to earn three degrees, and had a wonderful career and marriage.</p>
<p>I think that sometimes the transition from one major lifestyle to another unveils issues that the sufferer had heretofore covered with coping mechanisms…and often things come on so slowly that they are part of “normal” when they might otherwise be considered suspect.</p>
<p>On the other hand, there is a lot of serendipity to one’s life, and I believe exposure to the RIGHT or WRONG people can affect an individual who is vulnerable. A strong role-model or fellow-traveler can make all the difference.</p>
<p>I am sorry this is happening. I morn the semesters I “lost” in college and never really “took” with classmates in my major because I failed to bond initially. Grad school was different and much better…but I was more “positive” by then.</p>
<p>Bill, all of your posts indicate that you are a great Dad. I think that you need more information from your son so that you can find the source of the problem. Giving him lists of tutoring assistance won’t help until he is ready internally to accept the help. If you have him home over Christmas it is a good time to have a heart to heart to really get through to him. Any parent knows that there are bumps in the road on the way to launching your kids to independence. I bet all the parents on this thread wish you the very best.</p>
<p>Now that you’ve added a bit more description, I’m going to chime back in with the counseling idea. You have described my high school senior to a T. I have shared info about him privately with several folks on here, who have been hugely helpful (no surprise there). He is taking 4 AP’s and a directed study, so his workload is tough (his choice – maybe not the best idea but it has revealed a lot about how he might have approached college without some support). I don’t advise looking for a diagnosis in every situation, but his “stuckness” for lack of a better word sets off my mom triggers. Depression does keep a person from being able to self-motivate, and if the workload appears overwhelming my son just can’t figure out where to start. So yes, he ignores things like they are going to mysteriously disappear (which just turns into more depression and anxiety). His counselor has worked very hard on teaching him new strategies (i.e. just get something down on paper and worry later about quality – sometimes it’s just getting started that’s hard). And, by the way, he was in class every day except one. He therefore did well on almost every single test, because he learns well by listening. But he struggled with larger projects (i.e. papers – he hates to write). Beth’s mom mentioned executive function issues, but unless he had some struggles earlier in school I’d be more likely to say depression (which has symptoms that look a lot like executive function – planning, initiating, judgment, sustaining focus, etc.). </p>
<p>Again, this may be more my experiences as a mom talking, and it may not be your son’s issue at all. But I just figured I should share our experiences, which are still very hard to talk about, in the off chance that it might be of some help to somebody reading this (even if it’s not your son). </p>
<p>The transition to college can be very hard, and it can lead to depression – I believe the stats listed on the counseling site say that 1 in 5 college kids will need treatment for depression or anxiety. Although tutors and professors can support academics, it might be more important to look more closely about the underlying cause.</p>
<p>I am so glad that others have put the “depression” word out there. It is one of those topics that people don’t often want to talk about. This may or may not be the situation for your son. What is important is that you and he are able to communicate this break and have a plan for next semester.
You need to be able to have an open and honest discussion with him about many things, including what some options are for him. He may not want or be ready to go back to school next semester. This particular school might not be the right fit for him. Or, this might not be the best time for him to be away from family. He needs to know that you love him and want what is best for him. He needs permission from you as a parent to make decisions that right now may be weighing heavily on him. It would be very hard for anyone to say to a parent that what the whole family has planned for is changing. He needs to know that he is not letting you or anyone else down, no matter what decisions are made. If he is depressed, he may not be able to make a good decision, and you or a professional might need to help in that area.
Please also realize that students sometimes develop habits and addictions in college. No matter what he says to you, try to keep your focus on what is really important, and that is helping him to help himself.</p>
<p>Is there any kind of accountability program at UA? I think this would be a great resource for many kids. Kind of keep them in check. Different than coming from a parent and even a close friend that might not be completely honest all of the time.</p>
<p>Yes, I agree that having him speak to a professional makes sense. 18 is the age at which a lot of mental illnesses show up. With my son, it came TOTALLY out of the blue when he was a first-semester freshman. If a stranger had told me my son might be ill, I would have said, “No way! He has always been the happiest, most enthusiastic kid I know!” It was like a switch was flipped, literally.</p>
<p>And even if it’s not clinical depression, a counselor might be able to figure out what’s going on with him.</p>
<p>The other advice that has helped me tremendously is that college is not a RACE. I agree with NaperMom - focus on what is important. You want to make sure that the ball is kept in play, so to speak.</p>
<p>Is there any kind of accountability program at UA? I think this would be a great resource for many kids</p>
<p>I know that there is a program for those who enter as frosh on Academic Probation (those admitted with borderline stats). However, I don’t know if there is one for a current student who is struggling.</p>
<p>Since it sounds like he failed each class, I don’t know what would be needed for him this spring semester to stay on…would he need to average a 2.0 by end of spring? If so, that means straight A’s…that doesn’t seem likely AT THIS POINT. So, best request a Leave of Absence while you figure out what’s really going on.</p>
<p>This could just be a case of maturity…first time being away from parents, getting caught up with staying up too late - gaming or socializing (not necessarily partying)…and then sleeping in and missing classes (which is why I don’t like Fall Frosh taking 8 am classes…to easy to skip that class, and then skip the next). </p>
<p>Or as ML suggests, 18 is the age that many “issues” tend to surface…Depression, Anxiety, and other disorders.</p>
<p>I really struggled writing my post on this thread – it is very hard to talk about our experiences, and there is a stigma tied to mental illness that sometimes keeps me quiet. Bill – I absolutely don’t want to create issues if they really aren’t there. But I figure out of my mess needs to come a message, and if anybody reads this and realizes it is a common and treatable issue then it was worth posting and telling a little of our story.</p>
<p>A friend’s D started having troubles in high school…Depression! Grades became an issue. But, with counseling and a psychiatrist things are really going well 3 years later. She’s doing well in college and hopes to go to grad school. </p>
<p>However, you may have an issue that my friend didn’t face. Your child may not be a minor anymore…unless he’s still under age 19 in Alabama (where you live). If he is, then you can force him to get treatment. Don’t wait till after 19 because you’ll have no power then.</p>