Help, I have unsupportive parents!

Parents Forum
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<p>do you have a phobia of public schools? I do not understand why your targets are from coast to coast? Is there a specific major you are looking for and if so, how committed are you? as many ppl on cc had pointed out, student changes major at least once in their acadamic career, have you thought about the flexibility if you attend a small private school?</p>

<p>as all the other poster said, you should inventory your stranghths and weaknesses, put your family financing in consideration, take the list to you highschool counsoler and have a candid talk among your parents. I have a hunch that if you put in state public schools on your primary list, your parents will likely be more supportive.</p>

22

<p>What an interesting mix of colleges. My daughter has a friend at Ohio Wesleyan and she really likes it there. Same thing for Rollins, another friend, really enjoying it.</p>

<p>Are there two safety schools, schools that you can definitely get in and definitely afford?</p>

23

<p>If your parents want to pay $30K/year, you need to look at:
1- instate publics where your cost will be under $30K
2- privates that are commuting distance where your parents’ money and maybe a loan or part-time job will cover all expenses
3- privates with lower sticker prices (google-- there is a list out there)
4- schools that do a lot of tuition discounting/give a lot of kids merit scholarships which means they are likely to give you the $10K/year scholarship you’re looking for </p>

<p>One other idea:
Since you have lots of APs, you may want to look at how colleges will view them. You need to really look because a lot of top colleges do not give much credit. But if you are able to take a few classes this summer and attend a college that is liberal with giving AP credits, you may be able to do your schooling in 3 years depending on your major and the school.</p>

24

<p>“Same thing for Rollins, another friend, really enjoying it.”</p>

<p>My son is at Rollins and he loves it. He is getting a better education than I got at Harvard. I am floored at the assignments that he cheerfully does. The campus is gorgeous, and is right next to the downtown of a safe suburb of Orlando.</p>

<p>Rollins has excellent merit aid – including full rides – for top applicants</p>

<p>Since LACs have a hard time attracting males, if you’re male, you will have a better chance at merit aid at LACs than you would if you are female.</p>

25

<p>By the way, design a strategy for each college and show it to your parents. It doesn’t have to be long. Just list a few reasons why you want a specific college (e.g. certain major, co-op program, project-based, etc) and how you think you can afford it (e.g. would need $9K in scholarship/grant, school offers 30% of kids merit aid). That way your parents will know you are being realistic about $ and your choices. All that said, 12 schools is a LOT of work. It may be a good place to start but you may want to trim that down to 4-8 schools.</p>

26

<p>By the way D. is senior at public in-state. We did not have to pay tuition because of Merit $$. She graduated #1 in her HS class, never had a single “B” in her life including college. She loves her UG and is going to Med. School next year. She has always wonder whu people spend $$ on UG. I do not understand this either.</p>

27

<p>I can comment on 2 of your schools - Rollins and New College of Florida. I know each school a bit, and on the whole, I can barely imagine a creature who would be happy at both of them. (For those of you from the northeast, think, say, Bard and Hamilton. Not for the same kid, right?) So your list right now is all over the place. </p>

<p>Other people on CC are very knowledgeable about more of your schools - but even more important, give us a sense of your selection process.</p>

28

<p>After reading the post, I would like to see a few things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>What are the major driving points for you choosing schools? We could help suggest more options if we understood your desires. And if getting away from your parents is one of the goals, heck, there are plenty of folks here familiar with study abroad programs too!</p></li>
<li><p>You and your folks are just beginning to communicate about college. I understand your initial frustration (I’m a long term planner), but your parents may not understand the time line of everything. Just get them to go with you to some local residential colleges on visits – even if you are not interested too much in the school. A visit or two will get you all in the mood to communicate more. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Be realistic and don’t expect to visit schools in every region of the country. </p>

<p>Give them a time line of when you need to complete everything (tests, visits, lists)</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Allow your parents to choose 1 school for you to apply THAT YOU WILL NOT QUESTION, in turn they must permit you a school or two without question. </p></li>
<li><p>Come up with a financial plan. Knowing how much your parents are willing to spend is a good start. Add all cost of Application & Attendance – for the CA & FL schools this includes travel. Don’t forget laptops if the school doesn’t include it in tuition. Look at Application fees; cost to send test scores to each school; etc. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>You know how much your parents will pay, but do you know how? Do they have to liquidate and worry about market fluctuation? Will they take a Home Equity loan? Often it isn’t as simple as cash sitting in a savings account. Maybe they told you $30k because the EFC of $35 stunned them and now they need to figure all this out. Believe me, even thos of us who have a college degree are not prepared for some of these price tags.</p>

<ol>
<li> Have your parents come join us here!</li>
</ol>

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<p>I disagree with the suggestion that you apply to as few as 4 colleges, especially if you are looking for merit money. I have read too much on these boards about how unpredictable money offers are, you need to have several offers on the table to compare. I’d aim to get your list down to 8 if you can, but 12 is not completely unreasonable. I think you should also look a few more of the LACs in your neck of the woods that share some of the characteristics of the colleges on your list. The only characteristic I can figure out is small - so I can understand that you don’t have public schools (except for New College of Florida) on the list since they tend to be large. Note however the estimated cost of attendence for OOS there is more than $40,000. It’s a great deal in state though!</p>

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<p>It is reasonable for your parents to put a limit on how far from home they want you to go. Don’t take it as a negative. My husband was in quarantine for 8 weeks his first semester of college. My parents got an emergency call to come and get my sister because she had an enlarged spleen from mono and they were afraid it was going to burst her first year in college. My oldest daughter was an instrumental performance major who broke her elbow her 3rd semester at college and needed extensive rehab. These things happen and are hard to handle from the other side of the country. We have told our other daughters there is a 9 hour driving limit or they are within a 2 hour limit of other close family members for the first 2 years. After that with maturity they may transfer anywhere. For our kids this rules out the west coast and the north east but leaves hundreds of excellent schools of all types in the midwest and south east. </p>

<p>If you want to experience California many universities and colleges have exchanges with other schools after the second year. Maybe you could look for one in the midwest that does this with one of the California schools.</p>

<p>I’m sure your parents are very proud of you for being a 1st generation college student. They may not know how to express it. The advice others gave to work with the guidance counselor is excellent.</p>

31

<p>Also wanted to say don’t get overwhelmed by the stats of other kids on CC. They are often trying for the ivys. Some of the schools on your second list will give you quite generous merit based on your ACT and GPA. Check out Carthage and Augustana if you haven’t already. They have automatic merit for good students like you and it is posted on their website. Many midwestern private schools are several thousand dollars less expensive than the coastal schools. I know several students and alumni who go to (or went to) Auggie and love it. It is a very affordable school. </p>

<p>Again depends on what you want to major in etc.</p>

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<p>It’s not unusual for parents to object to their kids going far away for college. As a parent, I don’t like it either. I think 4 hours by car is as far as I would like them to be. Of course, all of my kids chose schools at least twice as far as that. </p>

<p>There are a number of reasons for not wanting kids that far away. First of all is the fear of the unknown, the helplessness if something happens out there, the time and expense to get there, the inability to visit as frequently and be a part of this college experience. As a first generation college student, your parents are going to be even more uncomfortable with you being away in some unfamiliar area. There fears are grounded in reality. My son broke his nose at school. If it had happened around here, I could have helped him. Being as far away as he was, I had no idea of who the doctors are there, and anything about the medical facilities. My neighbor’s daughter got into a bad car accident, and it took them 13 hours before they could be at her side. These are real fears we have.</p>

<p>When you were researching your schools, what criteria were you using to pick the schools you did? If you have good reasons, and also possibilities for some scholarships, you and your gc may be able to convince your parents that those choices make sense. If you are just picking schools that sound “cool” to you, well, that may not cut it. My friend made her son dump all of the beach schools off of his list. She was not about to send him to UHawaii just because he wanted to go to school there. </p>

<p>My current college student is at school that is not even within driving distance in a day, maybe two. It takes two planes for him to get there. It is a pain. But he had some good reasons for picking the school. We did visit it and another far away school during the app process because both of those colleges did have something to offer that other schools did not. Also as geographically out of our area, they were schools where he had a good chance of acceptance and even merit money possibilities. </p>

<p>So write down each college, and the reasons why they made your list. Are there closer schools that meet those critieria? Any bonus to applying to those schools over the closer ones? Do you feel you want to get out of your area and see some different parts of the country? Get your reasons in order.</p>

33

<p>"It’s not unusual for parents to object to their kids going far away for college. As a parent, I don’t like it either. I think 4 hours by car is as far as I would like them to be. Of course, all of my kids chose schools at least twice as far as that. </p>

<p>There are a number of reasons for not wanting kids that far away. First of all is the fear of the unknown, the helplessness if something happens out there, the time and expense to get there, the inability to visit as frequently and be a part of this college experience. "</p>

<p>Most college students in this country go to college within 250 miles of their home, and the college they attend is a public one.</p>

<p>I was a fourth generation college student, and wanted to apply to colleges in California – 3,000 miles away from NY State where I lived, my mother said she wouldn’t pay for college if I did that. I happily went to college in Mass., and believe me, that was far enough away from home! The culture was distinctly different from my hometown, and I learned a lot about adapting to new places.</p>

<p>Most of the students whom I know – and I know lots of young people-- go to public college in the state where I now live. Their parents insist that they stay in state for undergraduate. Many take advantage of study abroad programs while they are an undergraduate, and many go far away for grad school and have their parents’ blessing to do that.</p>

<p>It’s only on CC where it appears that most parents are giving their kids carte blanche to apply all over the country. That’s not normally the case .</p>

<p>There are many good reasons to keep students within several hundred miles of home for undergrad. Expense, and the ease of being able to travel to and from home (including parents being able to help students move in and out at the beginning and end of the year, and parents being able to afford to attend graduation, and family weekends) all are good reasons for such restrictions.</p>

<p>What state do you live in? What do you want from your college experience? Providing such info will help us help you.</p>

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<p>I don’t think 4 colleges is too few if the student is willing to go instate. $30K a year is enough to pay for any instate public and probably (with a Stafford and part-time job) for most local privates. These are the most common college plans in the country and may be what the parents what for their child. If, however, the student is trying to get enough merit to go away, it makes sense to apply to more schools-- but choosing the right schools is more important than even the number.</p>

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<p>That’s an interesting list of potential college destinations. My curiosity is not more directed at what you intend to study and why these schools fit that bill.</p>

<p>I also wonder why you aren’t looking at a number of more “local” options:</p>

<p>Marquette seems like a similar school to some of your choices.</p>

<p>Lawrence University, St. Norbert College, and Loyola (Chicago) also seem like they merit a look based upon your list.</p>

<p>Carleton College might be a reach academically but is a great school, far enough away for a buffer zone but maybe close enough to be a good compromise. Ditto Washington/St. Louis, Oberlin, and Kenyon.</p>

<p>As for state schools, with your stats I would think at least looking at Illinois is a worthwhile visit and application. </p>

<p>If you’re looking at an EFC of $30K+/- you need to be very realistic about having parental buy-in to all of this. </p>

<p>Finally, and I don’t mean this to be harsh, calling your parents “unsupportive” in the title of this post is a touch over the top. For most of us, “unsupportive” means not being willing to offer any help or encouragement. Parents willing to pay $30K are a far cry from “unsupportive.”</p>

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<p>As a parent, my own reasons for wanting my kids to go to colleges not too far away were convenience for me and my own unabashed selfishness. :)</p>

<p>I wasn’t concerned about the extra costs of going further away, about any trust issues, any health issues, or about any safety issues. It was just that closer would be more convenient for me and also somewhat for the kids. </p>

<p>Given the above though, I didn’t actually restrict them based on it - I would have supported them going to any location. I was fortunate in that one chose to attend about 30 minutes away and the other about 2 hours away - strictly their own decisions. However, even with the one 30 minutes away, since she was living in an on-campus dorm or nearby campus apartment the whole time, and since we made a point to never drop in on her cold, it really wasn’t much different for her than if she had been 8 hours away or on the other side of the country. There were times we’d go quite a while between seeing her because she was so busy. It was nice though to sometimes pick her up along with some tacos and go have a quick picnic at La Jolla Cove and get to see her for an hour or so every now and then.</p>

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<p>Truthfully I would like thank every single one of you for giving your opinons and I have gone over my list of colleges again and think this list may be slightly less random. And for those asking, my criteria for school is:</p>

<p>Small to medium sized school (1,000-8,000 students)
Located in an urban or suburban area
Must offer a double major prgram with Economics/History
Would like student run newspaper and radio as well as good computer facilities
Must accept AP credit
Looking at colleges or universities in the midwest and east coast (no further south than Virgina, except Florida)
I also stress academics over partying but a nice balance is always preferable</p>

<p>That is my criteria for college searching and the criteria I used on “careercruising.com” to narrow my search. I really again must thank everyone here from the bottom of my heart.</p>

<p>Also I recently talked to my parents about college today (past hour) and they told me distance was an issue at least if heading to California, Florida and the east coast is all right. In terms of the college visiting this week I would like to clarify that it is limited to colleges in the midwest so East coast schools are out of the question at least for visiting.</p>

<p>Also after talking about finances again they confirmed that 30k a year would be the most that they could spare (possibly a thousand or 2 extra if needed) so as far as having a price limit set, there it is really 30k. I am handeling the application fees for the schools (have about 250 dollars set aside for it now)</p>

<p>And the list that i have I now (and before) still needs to be chisled down to about 8 which I plan to apply to. And useing Longhaul’s advice in haveing my parents pick one college where I can apply my father has choosen Robert Morris College located in my local mall’s parking lot. I’m not sure if he is serious or not…</p>

<p>I would like to thank everybody again from the bottom of my heart for all the wonderful advice during this crucial (and stressful) part of my life! </p>

<p>New List (still needs some cutting):
-Augustana College
-Beloit College
-Bradley University
-Carthage College
-Chicago State University
-Clark University
-Drake University
-Fairfield University
-Illinois Wersleyan University
-Lake Forest College
-Monmouth College
-Northern Michigan University
-Ohio Wesleyan University
-Providence College
-Rollins College
-Roosevelt University
-Union College
-University of New Haven
-University of Pittsburg at Bradford
-University of Scranton</p>

<p>I will visit as many as I can in the coming two weeks with my parents plus colleges I am not interested in just to get my parents used to the feel of a campus visit.</p>

<p>Thank you all for your time reading</p>

<p>PS- After reading some posts I may have offended some parents in labeling my parents as unsupportive, I typed the original post in anger. I apologize. They are just not as involved as I’d like them to be or I think they could.</p>

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<p>there you go! if you had provided all the information up front, we could burn less midnight oils try to figure out.</p>

<p>Provided you are not living in Chicago, why not try some schools in Chicago with a campus life and they will make your parents very happy. Not knowing what is RMU, you may want to visit those 7 campuses that is not across the parking lot and see if they fits your bill, at least one, if not all. I think it will make your parents happy and perhaps you will get more support from them. If it turns out not your liking, your parents can understand since they too saw what it is.</p>

<p>I was perfectly happy to support my DD to attend UCSD in San Diego for $30K(in state), however, she got in U of Chicago (first choice and off the waitelist), we were so happy for her that we doubled our support! Your parents may change their mind as well when the time comes.</p>

<p>BTW UOC will be perfect for your criteria, except the cost factor and will be a super reach.</p>

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<p>OP, if you have determined your EFC is $35k, is that Federal (FAFSA) or Institutional (PROFILE) Methodology? A FAFSA EFC of $35k may mean an PROFILE of $45-50k, depending on how your family’s assets are set up (esp. home equity and owning a business).</p>

<p>If your EFC is $35k, you can bet that the college will still EXPECT $35k from your parents. If your parents say their limit is $30, then that other $5k is going to have to come from YOU – on top of what the school already expects you to contribute through work-study, Staffords, summer earnings, etc. </p>

<p>You really need some more financially feasible schools on your list. $30k from your parents is very generous, but leaves you short at many of your schools. You may well get more back for the buck at a well-regarded state flagship. (Indiana pops out at me.)</p>

<p>Or…you start on a serious hunt for schools that will offer substantial merit $$ to students with your stats profile. You have a strong and consistent stat/GPA profile; there are schools that would love to have you.</p>

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<p>Some/many of your schools don’t give good financial aid, so even if your EFC is around $35k, some/many will expect you to pay for all/most of the COA.</p>

<p>3.4 GPA
29 ACT (retaking)</p>

<p>Your GPA could hurt you for scholarship consideration at the many schools that require a 3.5+ GPA.</p>

<p>You need to identify schools that will give you merit money for a 3.3+ GPA and your ACT score.</p>

<p>Is that your weighted GPA?</p>