HELP! I need some revision on my appeal of dismissal letter.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I was dismissed from my university because of a low gap but I had been having problems with severe depression. I am on medication for it now and I have been referred to a counselor now I just need someone to let me know if my appeal letter is okay or if it needs any necessary changes. </p>

<p>I need to know if this Letter of Appeal to Dismissal sounds good enough to send into the University Committee. Please help!</p>

<p><em>name</em>*
<em>address</em>*
<em>city, state, zip</em>*
<em>name of University</em></p>

<p>To whom it may concern,*
My name is <em>name</em> and I am writing this letter in regards to my academic suspension. I am going to thoroughly explain the reason as to why I have fallen behind academically. I would like to be readmitted to <em>name of University</em> for the 2012 Fall semester. I am currently on academic suspension because I have failed to maintain adequate GPA. I hope that whomever reads this can understand me and my reason, and hopefully appeal my suspension.*
One of the main reasons why I have failed to academically improve is because of a personal crisis I have acquired. I had acquired this disorder when I was 12 years of age, and as I grew older, I never spoke of it much because of my family’s beliefs and their ignorance. I had attempted to bring my depression to their attention but they only seemed to believe it was a phase. I do not believe phases can last years and years. My family did not take my condition seriously, which with time, made my depression much worse. I never did anything about it mostly because of my parents, therefore I held it in and took other methods of trying to relieve myself of it, which weren’t healthy methods or methods that could help. Depression has taken a lot from me, my thoughts and consumed my mind. Since I have dealt with depression in the past, coming to college I assumed it wouldn’t be as affecting because of the excitement of being on my own. I now understand that this could be a medical condition considering the fact that it has taken a huge toll on me. I have felt that I have had no motivation because of my family’s support not always being there and some of the events that have occurred in my life. I do not bring this up for any sympathy, I bring this up because this has taken its toll on me academically. In all honesty, I had turned to self-harm and constant sleeping to try to keep myself in line. Now that I have reached the age of 18, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and seek medical help. I have been prescribed anti-depressants, and I have been referred to a counselor. My family of course thinks this is a radical idea, but they do not see the immensity of the situation. I want more than anything to be successful and reach my goal of someday becoming a nurse. I would like to show everyone who ever doubted me that someone with problems like my own, can in fact, rise to the top from the bottom.*
I feel that the Committee should appeal my suspension because I really need this chance to prove to myself and my family that I can still be successful considering the hardships I’ve been through. I would also like to be able to be given the opportunity to return to <em>name of University</em> for the coming semester because I know for a fact that I can prove that I <em>my name</em>, am not a failure.</p>

2

<p>For good mesure, I would also include a letter from your doctor or counsler explaining your issues.</p>

<p>Everything else looks okay to me, however others may have some better suggestions.</p>

3

<p>The first few sentences bore me. Catch the reader’s attention immediately and don’t say things like “now I’m going to explain why bla bla”</p>

4

<p>The committee does not appeal the suspension, that’s what you are doing. They might repeal it. The letter has too many repetitious parts in it, like “personal crisis I acquired”, “I acquired this disorder”… Why not just say that a long term depression you had not deal with due to your parents’ belief system affected your studies? Your letter is longer than it needs to be because you are repetative. The committee doesn’t want to read “blah, blah,blah.” They just want the clear explanation of why you did poorly, and how will you fix that problem. See my quick editing:</p>

<p>To whom it may concern,*
I am writing this letter with regard to my academic suspension. I would like to be readmitted to <em>name of University</em> for the 2012 Fall semester. I am currently on academic suspension because I have failed to maintain an adequate GPA. </p>

<p>I have been dealing with depression since the age of 12, and as I grew older, I never spoke of it much because of my family’s beliefs about mental health. I had attempted to bring my depression to their attention but they only seemed to believe it was a phase. I do not believe phases can last years and years. With time, my depression became much worse. I never did anything about it mostly because of my parents, therefore I held it in and tried other methods to relieve myself of it, which weren’t healthy methods and didn’t help. Depression has taken a lot from me, my thoughts and consumed my mind and energy. Since I have dealt with depression for so long, coming to college I assumed it wouldn’t affect me as severely, because of the excitement of being on my own. I now understand that this is a medical condition. I do not bring this up for any sympathy, I bring this up because this has taken its toll on me academically. Now that I have reached the age of 18, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and seek medical help. I have been prescribed anti-depressants, and I have been referred to a counselor. I want more than anything to be successful and reach my goal of someday becoming a nurse.</p>

<p>I feel that the Committee should repeal my suspension because I really need this chance to prove to myself that I can still be successful considering the hardships I’ve been through. I would also like to be able to be given the opportunity to return to <em>name of University</em> for the coming semester because I know for a fact that I can prove that I am not a failure.
I thank you for your consideration of this letter.
Sincerely,
(Name)</p>

<p>I took out references to your family…the committee doesn’t care about them. I took out the stuff about self-harm because they won’t want you back if you pose a danger to yourself…too much liability. You don’t need to double state your name, because your name and address should be at the top of your letter. Hope this helps.</p>

5

<p>Thank you so much. I will take this as constructive criticism of course and make my letter better.</p>