<p>I go to a fantastic school. Really great, great people, great environment, great education (but really competitive). Anyone would be happy to be here.
But I have been depressed for about a decade now. My home life isn't normal and as a result, I often feel isolated in my environment where it seems like everyone is doing so well. I'm by no means a pariah, it's just that its very exhausting going through the day trying to "smile like everyone else" and trying to relate to my peers who laugh so much, who smile all the time, and are so loud.</p>
<p>So I decided to graduate early. I talked to my counselor last week and he worked out that if I take just 1 more class in the summer, I would be able to graduate before senior year.
Its too late for me to go to universities early (the deadlines have all passed) and I would still be depressed going to community college, since its my home life and environment that is making depressed.
So I'm thinking of taking a gap year. Go on volunteer mission trips and travel for a year, gain experience and (at the risk of sounding cliche) try to "figure myself out" and then apply for college next year. I really think this is perfect situation for me because after talking to my counselor, I finally realized that woah, this could actually be a reality. I felt scared and doubtful for a few mins before elation and excitement settled in and I was kind of staring in space at the grass trying to grasp the situation when I suddenly noticed how bright the green color was and the sharpness of the outline of each individual blade and for the first time in a long time, in months, maybe years, the cloud in my head lifted. My next thought was "So this is what normal people feel like." and that's when I realized that leaving high school was the right choice for me.
The only thing is, my mom isn't as certain.</p>
<p>Let me just outline my high school career for you.
Freshmen year, nearly all Bs (I wasn't mentally mature enough to know how to study)
Sophomore year, 2 AP classes, 1 B first semester, 2 Bs second semester.
Junior year, 5 AP classes, 1 B first semester.
SAT score 2190 (I plan to retake it)
(and before you say that its a lot of Bs in sophomore and junior years, these are nearly all Spanish classes (with 1 math class in sophomore year). Spanish orals are really tough on me but I know that if I got an A in a regular Spanish class, I would regret not being in honors forever. As I mentioned before, I have to strive for the highest.)</p>
<p>If I take senior year, I (at least I believe this is the case) can take 5 more AP classes, making my total count of AP classes to 12. But I was under the impression that senior grades don't matter that much and you can only take a certain amount of AP credit points to college anywats.
So I was wondering, if I go on with my plan, graduate early and take a gap year with volunteer mission trips and traveling, versus staying in school and lasting through my senior year, how will it look to colleges?
Please be critical. Even though I would be much happier graduating early, I would stay if it meant a better future for myself in the end.</p>
<p>Ooh yikes, I didn't mean to write so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read through this.</p>