<p>So, Son got into one of his top choice schools, full tuition. On paper it is everything he wanted, urban, big school, great academics diversity, ability to do music without being a music major. He didn't visit before applying, so last weekend he goes out to visit. It is everything he wants and more. Half way through the visit he calls me and asks if I will drive him to visit his safety. He came home and told me he is just not sure and he wants to visit his safety school. He is in at his safety, full tuition. But is everything he said from the beginning he doesn't want (but it is safety more in that it is the kind of place he knows he will feel at home in): LAC, rural, small classes, music for majors only. So this coming week we are driving five hours to visit his safety.</p>
<p>Then yesterday, he gets the final FA package from the school he visited last weekend. It shows that they have cut his scholarship to less then half. He goes nuts. I look at the letter and I can tell right away that something is wrong: they had decreased the scholarship by the amount of Stafford Loans, work study and a small Parent Plus loan, and all total it comes to less then the cost of tuition, let alone COA. I tell him we will call first thing in the morning and get it straightened out. He stays up late last night researching scholarship regulations, etc. This morning a 6am he comes in my room and asks how early we can call. </p>
<p>Finally, we call. It is in fact a mistake. He has full tuition and Stafford loans and work study on top which will more then cover the COA. Everything's cool. In light of his reaction, I ask him he still want to go visit his safety. He responses, "Of course, why wouldn't I? I"m still not sure."</p>
<p>Just to add to the uncertainty, he is waiting on a FA package from his top choice school. I have this fear that I will drive him to his safety, spend two days looking at it and he still won't know what he wants. And then the third school's FA package will come and just stir up the pot, one way or another.</p>
<p>Take him. It’s a pain but you want him to make this decision without looking back and wondering if he would have decided differently if he just had gone to safety.</p>
<p>agree. It’s a pain, but worth it to help him feel sure. I think that sometimes it is just scary to finally make that commitment. Enjoy the drive together, I actually love that!</p>
<p>limabeans, we are thrilled that he has choices, and good ones at that. What is driving me nuts is his decision all of sudden that what he wants is not what he wants. I’m pretty sure it is just anxiety playing it self out, but boy it drives me nuts. This is my kid who is usually the soul of rationality.</p>
<p>Perhaps he just needs to see the safetly to vaildate his love of #1. That would give him the closure he needs to commit to #1. And then many of us will envy you - April is a stressful month while in decision mode!</p>
<p>Just remember … this too shall pass. It’s definitely some anxiety playing itself out. He’s probably concerned about making the right choice. It’s a big decision. Just stay calm and let him bounce his thoughts off you. Son #1 pretty much knew which of his choices he was going to select, but he kept us guessing right up until the deadline. He wanted to make sure he used all of he time he had in case he wanted to change his mind.</p>
<p>And don’t forget, enjoy the time you have with your son at home now. You’ll soon miss it!</p>
<p>It’s not even April 10! My S could not make up his mind until April 30! But we at least did not have to drive him anywhere, having visited before he applied. He re-visited on his own.</p>
<p>We are trying to be mindful of others in waitlist… starting to send No replies. But we will probably bounce around the top few for a few more weeks. I’m thinking that in May the flurry of graduation prep etc will be more a more fun kind of stress ;)</p>
<p>So, what’s he thinking? Probably went to his top choice school, wasn’t quite what he expected, so he decided maybe it’s time to look at his safety more seriously, but thinks he’ll really hate it (hence, why waste my time and drag you through something you nor I want to do). Gets the notice that they changed financial aid from his top choice school, gets worried that the door has closed for that school (which he didn’t want to close, he just wanted more information), so he tries to keep it open. Now information-wise, he’s back where he was when he wanted to go visit his safety school.</p>
<p>Seems pretty logical to me, but I’m a male of about the same age, so maybe that’s just how a teenage male and no one else thinks.</p>
<p>Anxiety, for sure. Maybe he thinks he’d feel safer at the safety and excel academically. You have to wait it out and gently nudge if you think he is letting his anxiety guide him. Don’t worry. This will be over soon.</p>
<p>My kids were the opposite. They knew exactly which school they wanted to attend, and I was the one who wanted to visit the others. They refused. I thought they shortchanged the process a bit, but they were in the driver’s seat.</p>
<p>I do think it helps to revisit top choices. There is a difference when you go to a college knowing you are accepted, rather than touring. Sometimes the rational act is to gather more information.</p>
<p>On my dime, I allowed my son to revisit 2 grad schools. After weeks of indecision, talking to students and profs at both, he was still torn.</p>
<p>Is his safety closer to home than his other choices? When it came to decision time, although my d didn’t voice it, I realized she narrowed her choices to schools within driving distance from home. I had to smile to myself because she frequently told me how anxious she was to get as far away from home as possible. I think at 18 the idea of having to get on a plane to come home was overwhelming. At 20, she transferred and now flies to and from school.</p>
<p>lololu, if you need a music perspective angle, repost in the music forum. There is a sense of buyers remorse, anxiety and the issues others have addressed. There may also be a rethinking of the musical peer quality, instruction options, and ensemble opportunities between the two.</p>
<p>Thanks guys, I am thinking QwertyKey hit it right on the head – I really hope he picks the bigger school, it really does seem to be the best match for him in so many ways.</p>
<p>H teaches at a small LAC and he has grown up in the atmosphere of the small LAC and he sees the limitations. We did visit a number of smaller schools and every time they would extoll the virtues of a small school he would just cringe. As he said “Every time an Ad Com says ‘Your Professors will ask you to dinner!’, I want to say 'And their children will hate you!”" His goal is really to disappear into the crowd of scholars.</p>