your son sounds really similar to a friend’s son- his list from what I remember was:
Syracuse
uc boulder
u New Hampshire
colorado state
James Madison
penn state
u arizona
I think he got in everywhere except boulder, ended up at Colorado state and is very happy.
Thank you. Somewhat surprising to me that he got into Syracuse and Penn State but not Boulder!
Take a look at Towson, has sports and academic support.
May depend on different things - major, when they applied, ability to pay (Syracuse). One never knows.
I know, Boulder was one of his top choices and it was a surprise- I think it has gotten more competitive recently- pretty sure he applied undecided. Colorado state has been a good fit though-
S23 is absolutely loving Colorado State. My niece loves Boulder and S23’s friend loves Denver. Three very different kids, three different schools. (I’d say your son is the most similar to S23 at CSU) The good thing about visiting any one of them is that the other 2 are really easy to see as well.
I think that you should give very serious consideration to sending a young man with poor executive functioning skills, whose schedule you have kept less-challenging so as not to stress him, to a far away school because he wants big school sports teams. For the price you’re going to pay for OOS rah-rah sports schools, you could send him to a SUNY and buy seasons tix to the Jets and the Knicks and the Rangers, and still save a ton.
I suspect that you’ve been to some degree involved in making sure that your son gets the support he needs, even at a small private school. I also suspect that there’s a very good chance that he could crash and burn in the transition. If he’s far away, it’s going to be more challenging for you to help him to get the help that he needs. He will surely continue to mature in college, but the transition from a small private school with lots of support to a large state college very far from home is probably going to be a shock.
How about SUNY New Paltz? Highly ranked for history, not too far from home. And maybe get him some seasons tix for pro sports, with the 40K/yr that you will save over public OOS schools.
Get tuition insurance in any event
This is how my son thinks. . . every time he hears about a large expense (home or car repair, out of network doctor’s fees, etc.) he calculates how many Knicks tickets that money could have gotten us. 
IF he goes to college (he’s in 9th now and it seems like a big if at this point, though he’ll probably get there eventually) he likes the idea of St. John’s due to its proximity to Citi Field. Priorities. . .
It’s the south.
I understand that geographically these locations are not all that far south. But I consider them southern schools and locations. And this poster clearly said…NO south.
There are a gazillion options that are not in what are considered southern states. Perhaps giving this parent more suggestions about those would be great.
And thank you @AustenNut for doing so!
Anything below the Mason-Dixon line is traditionally considered the south.
I think many of us have given OP lots of suggestions early in the thread. They have a lot to go with.
I appreciate the advice here and understand the viewpoint. I am hopeful that his executive functioning skills will continue to improve this year and next year and that he will be able to handle college on his own. His skills have improved a lot since 9th grade and the academic coaching he gets at his school continues to build on them. That said - we would consider a gap year or two if he is not ready. I will look at SUNY schools for him as well. Am trying to use what he sees as positives about college (living away from home, big school spirit, freedom etc) as a motivator for him to want to go and succeed. Already this year with all the talk of college around him he has started to care more about his grades which is a welcome change from the past where he could not appreciate how his sometimes lack of effort might impact his future.
good point
Yes - I have a whole list thanks to this thread (in no particular order)
JMU
App State
Marist
Quinnipiac
Temple
Drexel
Univ of Cincinnati
Colorado State
Denver
Towson
Univ of Delaware
Ohio State
Penn State
Michigan State
Univ of Oregon
Mine not so into pro sports - likes the big school spirit sports atmosphere. He grew up going to Georgia games. He also would like to be at a school that has Club men’s volleyball (he plays).
I just think the priorities are screwed up. I thought college was about preparing the kid to earn their own living, and to learn things that would enrich their lives. Seems that many families’ choices are driven by the kid’s desire to play.
Especially in the case of a student in need of support, it is just golden to have the school be within a couple of hours’ drive of the parents’ home, just in case.
Right now my goal is to have my kid enthused about going to college and having four more years to develop and learn - I understand your viewpoint and on paper - even agree with it - but that is not the world he is growing up in.
as it’s right over the border from PA (hardly bordering the south)