<p>njres, a good while back. I'm vintage 1956. A Virgo. Year of the Rattler, I believe.</p>
<p>1956 as well. Libra. And it's Year of the Monkey. I know this by heart.</p>
<p>Well, Alu it should have been Year of the Rattler. Or the PufferFish.</p>
<p>To the OP. Sorry about the OT.</p>
<p>Actually, I enjoy the OT. I think I'm the year of the boar (lovely, I know). Again, I posted in large part because I realized I was in stage one of losing my marbles. Getting upset that he didn't get a higher 99th percentile is a little nutso. But, it's also a real feeling that I wanted help dealing with before I let it take over. All these posts, whether supportive or a little kick in the behind, have been greatly appreciated. I'm going to need many reality checks before this is done!</p>
<p>You have the right 'tude, BurnThis. You may survive. </p>
<p>Now back to this monkey thing. Alu, I decided I could go with your whole 1956 Year of the Monkey thing if </p>
<p>1) we only pronounced "monkey" like Peter Sellers would in the Pink Panther movies and</p>
<p>2) it would be a big, macho, scary-a%$ monkey.</p>
<p>Burn, the whole college admissions process is severely schizophrenic -- you have to be unfailingly optimistic and realistically pessimistic simultaneously. If you don't go for what you really want with all your heart and soul, then, for sure, you won't get it. If you don't believe that failure is a possibility then you'll never seriously consider alternatives. So, fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a bumpy ride.</p>
<p>BTW & OT, my Chinese horoscope book says the upcoming dog year is not so hot for us boars. I'm sorry I looked.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>My son and I only ever call our primate cousins MINKEYS much to the bafflement of my husband who does not get Peter Sellers.</p>
<p>I am a well trained monkey. Usually pretty docile, in fact. But, after thinking about this for quite a while (especially in CC terms) I have to reply to the comments Alumother made. I suspect I feel...gosh, how to say it...oh no...'described as being a slacker mother' for suggesting a parent of a child who scored at the 99%ile on the PSAT's NOT freak out. </p>
<p>So, in the spirit of clarification:</p>
<p>"And, if you want to set the values in your family for academic achievement - go ahead. It's between you and your son." </p>
<p>Academic achievement is among the things my family values very highly, in fact. I am sorry you confuse an unwillingness to condone or encourage freaking out about a 99th%ile performance with lack of interest in academic achievement. I can really see how those two go hand in hand (( sarcasm intended)). </p>
<p>And then we have this comment: "And one day he will bring you a grandkid and then what else will matter? But don't feel bad about your high expectations. It is OK."</p>
<p>To which I can only say, "HUH?" Because, in fact, earlier this week I had a very lengthy conversation with a parent whose daughter is no longer living with her because the mother pushed, and pushed, and pushed..in fact. Imagine, she was only pushing for Brown, not even Princeton or Harvard. ((what a waste, huh? sarcasm intended))</p>
<p>You see, what I know from my work is that you CAN in fact push TOO MUCH. Let me tell you what that looks like...cut wrists, stomachs being pumped, severed relationships, ended lives.</p>
<p>And finally we have: </p>
<p>"You are experiencing the CC community swat against those of us who break the collective more against overt high achievement sweating. And you are experiencing the CC back channel telling you it is OK to freak out no matter how well your kid does. </p>
<p>Just enjoy your high stat kid. Like I said. It's OK"</p>
<p>Before I retreat to the slacker side of the enclosure, I just want to say that I was responding to the posting of one parent who was asking for a reply. I was not taking a swat at any one else or their 'side' on this apparently divisive issue. I didn't even know the 'collective' had a 'more.'</p>
<p>As Momrath so aptly described, one has to have a bit of both 'frames of mind' to approach and cope with this process effectively. I guess it is all in the balance you choose, and as importantly, how you communicate that to your child. </p>
<p>Time to go enjoy my "why would I even care about the stats" kid. (a 'piglet' who is planning on having a fabulous year, thanks!).</p>
<p>Good post, Robym. But feel very sorry for kids who feel that no matter how well they perform, their parents are never satisfied. There is a recent thread about "Asian" parents started by kids that contains these sort of complaints -- I put "Asian" in quotes because of course any parent who has overly high expectations can put their kid in the same bind. </p>
<p>Any parent whose kid scores at 99th percentile level who is upset -- on the verge of freak out - really needs a reality check. The bottom line is that kids who perform at that level DO NOT NEED parental pushing -- and the pushing at that point invariably carries a negative message: "no matter what I do, it will never be good enough to satisfy my parent".</p>
<p>We need to give our kids unconditional love and support and the knowledge that things will be o.k. if they are unable to achieve all their goals. Otherwise, if the kid is under too much stress, he really does have no where to turn. </p>
<p>I also think that the kid whose high academic achievement is simply the product of parental prodding has been deprived of the very experiences that would give the kid a competitive edge. They have never taken a risk or had the chance to develop their own,unique internalized goals. Nor have they ever had experienced the joy of taking initiative so as to exceed their parents expectations. (I'm glad I tried to discourage my dyslexic son from signing up for AP English because I thought it would be too hard for him -- it made his A+ in that class all that more special -- he had the satisfaction of proving mom wrong). </p>
<p>I also think that is why some kids with mega stats are inexplicably rejected from their chosen colleges. It isn't the grades and the test scores -- rather, it is their well-crafted essays that are utterly lacking in originality or spark, coupled with similarly lackluster references. At some point parents need to stand back and give kids the chance to experiment a little with figuring out who they are and what they want. </p>
<p>This is not to attack any parent for having high academic standards for their kid..... but what ever happened to intellectualism and the joy of learning? I'd rather set the standards by way of example, in a house full of books and active interest in what my child is studying. I used to love it when my kids would ask me to read the same books they were assigned in their literature classes, just so they could discuss the books with me and bounce off their ideas for essays. Who cares about the grades? My kids were learning, I was learning too. </p>
<p>If a kid is slacking off in school to the extent of actually falling behind... then its fine by me if a parent wants to give the kid a needed kick in the rear. But perfectionism by proxy is another thing entirely. Again.... I just feel sorry for the kid.</p>
<p>This isn't intended as an attack on any parent here. I honestly don't know how the comments posted here by way of venting or seeking advice relate to the actual home life and family relationships. I'm just saying that I think that parents need to give their kids room to stretch, and they can't do that if you are setting the bar too high to give them any wiggle room.</p>
<p>I don't know how much this ties in here... Probably pretty off topic, but I think it's a big issue that is damaging a lot of kids a lot more than it's helping them.</p>
<p>A girl at my school (yes, she was "Asian".) got a 238. She was one of the most modest about it--her and I were the only ones above the cutoff who didn't go around flaunting our scores.</p>
<p>When she got home, she was chastized for not recieving a 240. Lots of yelling. I think she came out of it punished.</p>
<p>That's just sick...</p>
<p>Robyrm -- your posts #3 and #8 are right on the money. And Calmom, I agree with what you said above -- I expecially think your comment about success by proxy rings a bell.</p>
<p>To the OP -- I understand that you want what's best for your son, like all of the parents who post here. The problem, sometimes, is in defining what is "best". IMHO, happy confident young adults are what most of us are aiming for -- not just some test score and GPA grind. You've had the chance to express your concern, and that is the ideal use of CC. But I think you've also had a reality check from parents, who may question why one score is so important. PSAT and NMSF are just tick marks on an application. What matters more is the total picture of your son that comes across. And if you read some posts from last April, you'll see that some wonderful students, with all the right stats, were disappointed in their results. So, what I'm suggesting is that it's important to find multiple colleges at different levels of selectivity and really work hard to keep your son from obsessing over one school. Expectations are what matter -- if he has many choices in spring, one rejection or deferral is not the end of the world. If all of his eggs are in one basket, you and he may be very disappointed. Finally, I know of quite a few kids who did not make NMSF (the cutoff in MA is 222) and yet attend a variety of great schools, including Harvard, Columbia, MIT, Dartmouth and Brown.</p>
<p>I have to say, I am utterly perplexed by some of the posts on this thread.</p>
<p>Did people not see the title of the thread? "Help me NOT freak out". So some folks offered advice about not freaking out, and were chastised for being mean to the OP. Huh?</p>
<p>Anyway, well said, roby and calmom. but I believe that Visirale's post really says it the best.</p>
<p>And to the OP, you seem to have a good sense of knowing you're in need of a reality check (as we all are, from time to time). After all, as has been pointed out, once you've reached NM level, any higher score is utterly meaningless. My S scored 218, too, but that was 3 points under the level for our state. C'est la vie--he survived it. He didn't study, I would never have suggested it, and things worked out fine, he's in a very good school, and happy there.</p>
<p>Your S sounds wonderful; good things will happen for him.</p>
<p>Your son is in the 99th percentile. That as high as it goes. No one can score higher than that. (aside: Isn't the PSAT just a money-maker for the collegeboard?)</p>
<p>My kid is not a high achiever, but she is well above average and a talented writer and artist. She never had a chance at perfect SATs. We hoped for perfect scores, but she was never interested in that! She was too busy being herself! We've had to learn to step back and see her for who she is. She never wanted to go to an Ivy, that was our idea!</p>
<p>Stop worrying. Don't freak out. Do you want your son to view you as an Ivy Adcom, ie., he must be perfect or he's rejected? Remember, you are his support system. You LOVE him, you're not there to judge him. He's looking to you for affirmation, whether consciously or subconsciously. Let him be a kid. Enjoy your GREAT kid! He's smart, talented, motivated and he WILL get into an excellent school that will challenge and inspire him. Help him find that school. The school that is a match for him, not for your hope for him. That may be an Ivy and it may not. Good luck!</p>
<p>I think most people are too polite to say this, but I'm not:</p>
<p>Burnthis:</p>
<p>He should definitely expand his horizons beyond Harvard. Yesterday 6am, the temperature was 2 deg.
PSAT counts for some scholarships. Otherwise, it counts for getting tons of mail that you then have to recycle.</p>
<p>I think most people are too polite to say this, but I'm not: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND.</p>
<p>I'm with Bluebayou - just chill. My DD refused any kind of prep, or even to take the PSAT seriously at all - I wonder if we had really needed the money for college that she would have had a different attitude - she just took the test and was sick to boot. I could have cried when I saw her scores. But you know what, when it was for real, she made about 100 points higher, maybe more, I can't remember the breakdown of her PSAT scores - including an 800 verbal, a rarity in our part of the world.</p>
<p>I'd rather have your child, reading about Ancient Rome for fun, than one who is so perfectionist and so stat driven that he studies for 3 months for the PSAT - I know which one will have a happier life.</p>
<p>tsdad,
Need to work on those people skills -- or at least read all the posts before you reply. I think I've made it more than clear that I know my reaction is nutty, hence my request for help. Thanks for yours.</p>
<p>BurnThis,
Keep in mind that, depending on where your son wants to go to school, there may be little or no benefit to being an NMSF. Both of my children were NMSF but received no scholarships or recognition as a result - other than having their names in the newspaper. My son, who scored a 236 on the PSAT, suffered through waitlists and rejection just like most other students - and there wasn't an IVY league school on his list. NMSF is just a small piece of the big picture. Celebrate your son's accomplishments and don't dwell on the things that you think that he could have done better. My kids did just fine, based on many other things besides achieving NMSF. Yours will too.</p>
<p>Originally Posted by BurnThis
Technically, it's 99th percentile, but it's nowhere near as high as most of the CC poster>></p>
<p>Well, if it makes you feel better, it's about 500 points higher than my daughter scored on HER PSATs. She did much better on her SATs, but still no where near your son's PSAT scores. She's already been accepted to three great schools, and I expect a few more acceptances before all is done. </p>
<p>My advice: Breathe deep. Try to keep things in perspective. Then let it go. Your son is more than his PSAT score, more than his SAT score, and, hopefully, more than the college he attends.</p>