Help me pinpoint the problem in my common app essay!!

<p>So, I've been on CC since freshman year and JUST found this spot on the site lmao. But I wrote a lot of common app essays and think I know which one I'm gonna send. i know it needs work, but I need help knowing where it is. Something just isn't right about it yet. Could some people please read it and give VERY constructive criticism?? THANKS!! I'll PM it :)</p>

<p>I’ll try to help, PM me</p>

<p>I’ll read it</p>

<p>I’d love to help. PM it over :)</p>

<p>I’ll help.</p>

<p>PM me those essays. :)</p>

<p>Ill read and make some comments PM me</p>

<p>i’ll read it =)</p>