<p>Hi. I got admitted to UCSC, UCM, and UCSB. UCSB seems better and I want to got there (and I already submitted my SIR to UCSB) (and the fact that UCSB is a party school is NOT one of the reasons). I'm gonna major in business. And everything seemed great.</p>
<p>But yesterday my parents drove to Santa Barbara and it took like 5 hours. My mom came home and told me to think about UCSC because it takes only about an hour to drive there. We live in the bay area. She just came into my room and gave me all kinds of reasons to choose UCSC... And she told me that it'd be difficult in the case of emergency if something happens because SB is so far away. I still want to go to UCSB, but my mom keeps mentioning UCSC. She's kinda saying the opposite of what she'd been saying before she went to SB. What should I do??? If I tell her I still wanna go to UCSB more, she'll ask me why and give me some reason to think again. She also told me that it would be better to go to UCSC because it's easier to get in for my younger sister, so we could go to the same school....and that it would be easier for me to get better grades than other students because the admittance rate is 80%!!! I guess she just said that so it sounds like there are many reasons to choose UCSC lol. I don't know what to say now. My mom is so influential! I'm so confused. She also told me to go talk to me counselor tomorrow. Any advice? </p>
<p>What do parents here think? Please help me :'(
Sorry for the long post, and thank you in advance.</p>
<p>I think perhaps your mom is having a little anxiety about your leaving home. This is quite normal. Just tell her that you would keep in touch a lot and you will be the one who's going to college, not her. Tell her to let you try it for a year, in the hopes that she will get used to your absence. </p>
<p>To tell you the truth, I think she is the one who needs to go to the counselor, not you. Sorry if I sound harsh.</p>
<p>Is there any practical reason why traveling might be difficult? For example, my husband works two jobs and I work a more-than-fulltime job, so a five hour trip each way would be nightmarish for us. If you can assess your family's situation and say with certainty that there isn't a good reason, then you can talk to your mother about keeping in touch, but if you find that she has a really good reason, think about that and what possible solutions might exist.</p>
<p>My mom thinks that it is just too far. She said that if I suddenly get sick or something they wouldn't be able to come see me right away because it would take 5 hours to drive.</p>
<p>I wouldn't mind taking a train home during breaks instead of having my parents pick me up, though...</p>
<p>1) Your mother loves you and you need to respect her, but you need to go where you want to go -- particularly since it's only 5 hours DRIVE away, not a flight away.</p>
<p>2) UCSB and UCSC are really different places. If you know you prefer UCSB, I simply can't imagine you liking UCSC. So don't go to UCSC.</p>
<p>3) Work with your mom to help her solve her anxiety about you going away: save up to buy a car so you can visit. Promise to come home every couple of months, or something. I don't know where you live [EDIT: oh wait, it says clearly you live in the Bay Area, sorry; a train ticket from Oakland (Jack London Sq) to SB costs $50 if booked in advance -- a great place to read or do homework or just take in the incredibly beautiful sights),END EDIT] but a train ticket to the Bay Area's not that bad -- though the trip takes awhile (but is hugely beautiful). Or you can fly from Burbank for not so much if you plan in advance. And Burbank's about an hour and a half drive from SB (I think).</p>
<p>4) I can't comment so well on UCSB -- other than knowing it's got certain kind of reputations -- but I have had several close friends go to UCSC and the fact is I think it's too laid back and too permissive (I'm not talking about sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll), I am talking about a kind of mindless political correctness. Look, I'm as liberal as it probably gets on this board, unapologetically so, but I think one should go where one will be challenged and pushed -- whether one is conservative or liberal. I have some really smart, impressive friends who have gone to UCSC, but I think it's not a place that pushes people who aren't particularly motivated.</p>
<p>5) The notion of you going to the same school as your sister: is this what your sister would want? Do you want this? Is this a good basis to choose? I don't think so at all. If it happens, great. But that should happen naturally. What if your sister doesn't get in there or doesn't want to go? </p>
<p>6) The notion of going to the easier school: If you were trying to get to med school and PREFERRED UCSC, I could see making this argument; otherwise, forget it.</p>
<p>Good luck at UCSB. What a great place to go to school.</p>
<p>Thank you for your advice =). My mom just talked to her friend and her friend also recommended UCSB. And about my sister, you're right, she doesn't even know what she wants, and who cares about going to the same school. My mom just can't see her being without me (awww ~_~), or she can't control my sis without me lol. </p>
<p>Maybe she's just worried about me leaving home. I and my sis have lived abroad without her for two years so I thought she'd gotten used to it...</p>
<ul>
<li><p>UCSB really isn't all that far relative to how so many students end up on the other side of the state or the other side of the country. They won't need to drive you back and forth like they might be doing now since you can take the train or a quick flight or drive yourself at some point.</p></li>
<li><p>If you become ill, the school has a health clinic and there are hospitals in the area so you'll be taken care of. If you have an illness that needs immediate treatment, like you break an arm or are violently ill, you couldn't wait the hour for your parents to show up anyway, you'd have to get taken care of on your own (and with the help of roommates, dormmates, RAs, friends, etc.). </p></li>
<li><p>Who knows what your sister will end up doing for college?</p></li>
<li><p>If you wanted the least mentally stimulating college I'm sure you could find something within a few miles of your house but that's not really the point. Most people want to go to a college they think will be ''more' mentally stimulating/challenging. Most on this board try to get into the most selective college that'll accept them. (this is regarding the 80% comment)</p></li>
</ul>
<p>So, what it really comes down to is anxiety on the part of your parents as they realize you're not going to be just across town but rather, further away and 'on your own'. This isn't that unusual and they'll likely work though it mentally. Stick to your guns on your reasons for choosing UCSB and your desire to go there but understand the emotions your parents are going through so try to go easy on them and reassuring to them that you, just as many thousands will also do this year, will be fine and will be able to manage the logistics of being that disatnce from home. Explain to them what a fine job you think they did in raising you and that you believe they brought you to this point in your life where you can start exercising more responsibility for yourself. They'll likely come to terms with it.</p>
<p>I wondr if it the distance or if your mom had a reaction to the living situation at UCSB. I bring this up because a relative just visited there and did not like the fact that so many students live in Isla Vista. I attended UCSB in 1978 for one year but was in a grad program (and too long ago) so do not really know how things are now. My niece goes to UCSB and really likes it. Anyway, a thought-ask your mom what her other impressions were of the school and see if there is not more to her reaction.</p>
<p>You can also fly from SB to the Bay area. United flies direct to both SFO and San Jose. Also someone told me you can now fly Santa Barbara direct to Oakland. Not sure what airline. You can also fly Express Jet direct from Santa Barbara to Sacramento for as cheap as $69 each way. SB airport is truely a gem of an airport for ease of travel and it is just minutes from UCSB.</p>
<p>Does your mom really think she will visit you if you get sick? Is she expecting to take care of you if you?</p>
<p>That is something I would wonder about....the likelyhood of you getting so sick your mom needs to come is pretty small and to pick a school on that basis seems silly, and I am a mommy</p>
<p>Choosing a college because it is close to home would be at the very bottom of my list of criteria. </p>
<p>You could make a spread sheet with the pros and cons for each school. See how they rate before you look at the distance (BTW, Santa Barbara is not that difficult to get to from the Bay area.)</p>
<p>Is it really so much to ask that this young person speak to his/her mother and find out what the reason for the request actually is, rather than assuming that the mother is irrational? Perhaps she has a legitimate reason or concerns that should be addressed in some fashion.</p>
<p>
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Is it really so much to ask that this young person speak to his/her mother and find out what the reason for the request actually is, rather than assuming that the mother is irrational? Perhaps she has a legitimate reason or concerns that should be addressed in some fashion.
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</p>
<p>Absolutely true, but as the OP presents it, mommy is not coming clean with her real reasons if she does indeed have some real reasons. Given that she was in support of UCSB earlier, either something on the trip changed her mind but she's not really saying what -- or, as most people here suspect, she's confronting the hard reality of her child leaving.</p>
<p>FLIGHT COSTS: The best I could find were $272 round-trip to/fro Oakland. Didn't try SFO-Santa Barbara.</p>
<p>28 years ago, my dad, in a rare fit of parental concern, came into my room the night I was making my decision. I had been accepted to UCSC,UCSB and UCSD. Unlike you, I had no set criteria (other than proximity to a beach) for my application choices. I had decided on UCSB. Partly because the beach was easier to get to but also because it split the difference distance wise.</p>
<p>I had a brother at UCSC and another who had graduated from UCSC and was by then enrolled in Law School. My dad told me he wanted me to go to there too, largely because he liked the idea of me having family in the same community. I don't know why but I did what he asked. I have always wondered what would have happened had I followed my own heart. I made wonderful friends and overall had a fantastic experience in Santa Cruz but I still wonder.</p>
<p>I would follow the recommendations given above re nicely and sensitively continuing to plan on UCSB because it is your life, your college experience and your decision.</p>
<p>ucsb is a good school, and I think the experience will be beneficial for
you, which is what matters. I think after a while, your mom will realize this, and support your decision.</p>
<p>I think it behooves the student to ask the mother straight out if there is something he/she should know. If so, deal with whatever it is. If it's just a matter of mom being afraid to let go, then deal with that too because it matters. I know several young people who are so wrapped up in their own lives (good kids) and busy-ness that they aren't as aware of family circumstances as they could be. It's entirely plausible to me that mom may have something to say to her child, be it about money, maturity or something else.</p>
<p>If your mom spent the time raising you for the last 18 years, I think it is your responsibility to respect her opinion... This board has much too much emphasis on what "you" want. This is not like you're choosing an ivy over a state school. The differences in going to UCSC and not UCSB (went to SB myself) academically will not ruin you're career prospects. Actually the impact will probably be minimal especially since this is just undergrad. </p>
<p>From this perspective, I think to respect your mom's opinion, you should really talk to her seriously. If the reason is simply, she wants you to be closer to home (a legit one) so be it. I think it is sad that the prevalent ideology of young people on these boards are so selfish. Your college decision will indefinitely effect your family, so you need to be wise and try your best to mitigate the impact on your leaving. </p>
<p>These decisions are part of growing up. I'm not that old, but this is what I think and you should try to view it from your mom's perspective.</p>