Okay so second semester is about to start and my roommate just moved out because she transferred to a different school. I am friends with my neighbor who lives across the hall from me. She recently found out my roommate moved out and she keeps telling me how excited she is and telling me that she wants to help rearrange my room and that she is going to be in my room ALL the time now and that she is going to use my roommates old desk to study so she can hang with me . Now I love this friend a lot, but i was kind of looking forward to having a single myself and I don’t particularly want her to be in my room all the time. Shes a person I can really only take in small doses because she always likes to talk and i get distracted easily when im studying…or sometimes i just need me time. She is basically trying to move in by saying she wants to bring her stuff in and sleepover all the time. I need help!!! I really dont want her to be in there all the time bothering me!! please tell me what i should say. She is not very good at hints and she is really pushing it by facebooking me everyday about how she is excited to come in room.
Thats tough, I would just tell her that you won’t be in your room much and study/hang in the library, at other friends’ rooms, etc. until maybe she will come over less? Good luck!
Tell her you don’t mind hanging out now then, but her constant presence is making you feel suffocated. Tell her that you really would like to enjoy the experience of having the room to yourself.
Sleepovers…just say NO!!!
Just tell her the truth. You value your privacy, you don’t want to be distracted, and that you would like to separate the time you spend in your room from your “social” time. You like her as a friend, not as a roommate. And if she can’t understand that, you maybe need to reconsider your friendship and give her time to learn some boundaries.
Don’t feel bad by telling her exactly how you feel. Just say that you need some time to yourself every once in a while. Do not let her bring her pillow and blankets over because then she will think she lives in the room now and that you are okay with it. It is okay to say no.
You need a backbone if you don’t want to be taken advantage of. Let her know that YOU are excited that you now essentially have a single, and look forward to your own quiet study space and no one disturbing your sleep with their alarm clock, etc. Say, yes, maybe we can have a couple of weekend sleepovers a month. She can only take advantage of you if you let her. Helps that only you have a key to the room, I assume.
A parent’s viewpoint here…I sympathize with your situation. Yes, it will be awkward to have to speak the truth to your friend. Find a short phrase that can’t be argued with. @intparent has some good ideas. “Well, actually I am looking forward to having my own quiet place to study.” Use I words instead of You words. “I need more quiet when I study.” Make it your issue, not hers.
I would not promise any sleepovers. I would be firm on “staying single” in your single room for at least 6 weeks, long enough to establish boundaries, before you ever invite her into your room. You can go to her room, or invite her to hang out at the coffee shop, etc. if you want.
Remember, if you let her into your room even once, and you don’t tell her the truth about how you feel, she will assume it is okay and will keep coming and keep asking. You want to speak to her so boldly that she gets the message. “No, it won’t work for you to sleep over.” “No, I can’t study with you in my room.” Don’t apologize, don’t hold out hope that “maybe next week” it will happen. “I enjoy your friendship, but I need my own space in my room to focus on my studies. And that’s the whole reason we are here at college, right?”
Your goal is to have this conversation once, and not have to repeat yourself every week as she asks if this weekend would be okay to sleep over. Best of luck to you as you gather the strength to speak the truth to your friend.
I think it would be weird to block her out completely. I assume the neighbor hangs out sometimes now in the OP’s room (I mean last semester when there was a roommate there). You are going to have to be more direct about when you need her to leave, or not have her come at all because you need to get some stuff done.
I don’t mean to rain on your parade but are you absolutely sure you aren’t going to have a new roommate assigned to you? Often kids returning from a semester away and find themselves without a room on campus and then have to wait for an assignment until Residential Life figures out where there are vacancies. This happened to my daughter, who like you, was all set to settle into a single. Maybe it’s not going to happen but don’t rule it out quite yet. Her roommate was assigned a week after school started. In any event, you might want to mention it as a realistic possibility to your neighbor before she starts rearranging furniture.
I agree with everyone else as well. Tell her as much as you love her, you really need and want this quiet space for study.