Help! My s is having major room mate problems!

<p>Hsmomstef- that's so funny- my 9th grade boy is also out cold by 10:15 pm every night- doesn't matter where he is- dorm, home, car...he's out! The rigorous sports at bs 6 days/week have completely done him in. Interestingly, his advisor focuses a lot on health in their discussions, including sleep. His siblings stayed up much later at that age doing work and socializing until late at night, then catching up on the weekends.</p>

<p>My daughter had some roommate issues in the beginning too - but they were resolved by the school. They were serious enough issues that they did split them up. D has a new roommate now with new issues, but they are mild ones.</p>

<p>After what period of time did they split your daughter up from her initial roommate?</p>

<p>Roomate compatability is very important. Perhaps you can make a difference in your child's school by making a list of issues that would increase the fit between roommates. Then post it on CC!</p>

<p>Things we would do differently if we had the opportunity:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Look closely at how each school manages dorm life. Is there a light's out policy? How is it enforced? Is there a culture at the school of staying up all night? Is it uncool to go to bed before midnight? If there is a roommate problem, does the school have enough space to switch kids around? Are there any extra singles available to accomodate kids with roommate conflicts?</p></li>
<li><p>On the housing form, have your child specify a time he normally goes to sleep. On our child's form you had to designate whether you were a night owl or a morning person. One kid who says he is a night owl might go to bed at 2:00 am where another child might say 11:00 pm. That should be clarified/specified.</p></li>
<li><p>Many schools put all freshman in one dorm together. This helps hedge against roommate problems. The more kids there are on a floor or dorm, the more opportunities there are for successful friendships. Our child lives in a dorm with upperclassmen too and has only has 4 freshman in his dorm, so has fewer buddies to hang out with when things aren't going well with the roommate.</p></li>
<li><p>Some schools put all freshman in singles on a hallway, so they have privacy yet are not too isolated. Differences in sleep schedules would be less of an issue in this case.</p></li>
<li><p>Hindsight is 20/20, it's hard to know what issues are going to be the ones that make or break your child's experience. It would be great to have other parents post their advice on CC. Finding the school with the culture that fits your child best, is extremely important. More important than going to the school with the best matriculation statistics, highest test scores, etc.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I didn't ask any of those questions, Annabelle, and I think now that they are good ones.</p>

<p>Because my daughter has always gotten along easily with assigned roommates in summer programs, I really didn't consider the issue of roommates at all. The again, I don't think the roommate issue is going to make or break my daughter's year, it's just less than optimal. </p>

<p>One way to think about it, how many grown-ups would be happy with a randomly selected roommate for next year?</p>

<p>Always good to try ahead of time to avoid RM problems by asking the above questions, being very specific on roommate questionaires ect..</p>

<p>None the less there will always be problems between some roommates. It seems like most if not all of the RM issues reported here were eventually worked out. Boarding schools have seen many RM problems over the years and have a good idea how to work them out. I am sure it's never fast enough for the parent of the child involved.</p>

<p>I know a lot of people have commented about how the dorms at Groton are "weird" but I really think they were designed to avoid a lot of the roommate issues that come up. They've got 12 or so new kids all under the same ceiling. There is a common room and off of that are "cubes" with beds and stuff. The walls are about seven feet high. This is how it is for 8th and 9th grade, but I think that in 9th grade there is a desk separating you from a cubemate. Not sure, as we didn't see them on the tour. My son's tour guide said that it was the most fun he had, like camp. Each boy (or girl) has privacy for sleeping and changing but isn't isolated. By the time they are in 10th grade and know their form mates well because they have lived together, they pick who they want to live with. Neprepgoer can correct me if I'm wrong on any of this. My son considers it the best of both worlds, not having to live with a total stranger, but not being all by himself. </p>

<p>St. Pauls seems like such a wonderful place to grow and learn and dream, but neither me nor my children are comfortable with the whole freedom with responsibility thing. I have to remind myself fairly often that even though my son can hold adult conversations and is intellectually closer to most adults than his agemates, he is still a just a boy. Furthermore, he doesn't want to be an adult yet.</p>

<p>I think no matter what option is chosen, there are bound to be roommate problems a certain percentage of the time. Heck, even when students are allowed to choose their own roommates, issues crop up. </p>

<p>I agree that getting more specifics on the roommate form could help, but kids patterns will change when at BS as opposed to home. I could envision a kid putting down that he goes to sleep at 10 pm, but faced with a dorm environment or more homework than they were previously used to, that could change. </p>

<p>Personally, I do like vertical dorms - I think it builds unity at the school to have various grades together and its nice having friendships with kids in other grades. </p>

<p>I do like how Deerfield has all singles for freshman. Since they're all in singles, I would imagine they are all out looking to make new friends and then, the following year, can chose to room with someone they are more compatible with.</p>

<p>My D didn't get a roommate questionaire at all. The school said they had all the info they needed from the applications process. I think it might have helped if they had sent a questionaire.</p>

<p>I guess my personal opinion on the freshmen dorms is that I personally prefer that the dorms be mixed grades. It seems much healthier to have friends of all ages, and in a mixed dorm the older kids can look out for the younger ones. I didn't like Groton's junior dorms at all but I'm sure they can be tolerated for the short time the younger kids are stuck in them.</p>

<p>Not all Deerfield freshmen have singles. My son's freshman dorm has mainly doubles but he is very compatible /happy with his roommate (who shares his love of team sports...) . Perhaps most of the females and upper class males have singles, over time we will find out .</p>

<p>annebelle - any improvement in the relationship between yourson and his roommate? </p>

<p>nervedoctor - when we toured Deerfield they said freshman got singles (perhaps they meant most or perhaps it is girls?)</p>

<p>We are still having the issue of roommate keeping my son up at night. Problem is that he has not been officially "caught." I say take his computer and look at his history and the times...then they will know when he's been up...
Not only does he stay up after lights out (actually, he gets BACK up), he sets his alarm for 5:30 am so he can IM with his mom in Asia. So, it's a double whammy for my son.<br>
We have talked to their advisor, who has talked to him and he says he's sorry and he doesn't mean to keep my son awake....doesn't change the fact, that my kid is sleep deprived, and his grades will soon suffer. Not sure what to do from here.</p>

<p>When we toured Deerfield last year, they absolutely said all ninth graders got their own rooms and we were shown a ninth-grade dorm with all singles for boys. Our tour guide said that the school policy was not to try and match people they didn't know. I guess they have changed their philosophy.
On the SPS housing and sleep thing, there was a lot of discussion about that on various threads last year, as well as on the vertical housing. I'm not sure how easy it is to find old threads, but I suspect they would be a great resource to new members.</p>

<p>My son is not at SPS where there are pretty much no rules about sleep. It's one reason we didn't apply there. He's at a school WITH lights out. (I realize the op is talking about SPS).</p>

<p>Linda,</p>

<p>My question is why does the school have the wireless enabled in the dorm at 5:30 in the morning? I know at my D's school it goes down at 11 and comes up at 6 including weekends. I am going to assume here for a minute that roommate does not have a cellular card (which should be banned at most boarding schools as it bypasses the control of the school to monitor what their charges are viewing on the internet).</p>

<p>I think your next call should be to the computer support person. There is no reason for the wireless to be active at that time at a school with designated sleep hours.</p>

<p>That being said, goaliegirls ex-roommate used to get up at 5 AM from time to time to make cell calls home, but had the decency to leave the room.</p>

<p>Totally agree with the suggestion to check with the tech people. Bypassing a school's internet firewall is an honor code violation at a lot of schools. Keeping a roomate from sleeping is just wrong. At my son's school, the freshman boys having been asking for "early lights" (as opposed to late lights.) They are exhausted!</p>

<p>goaliedad - I checked with my son. Internet gets shut off at 11:30. So roomie is Im'ing until then. Lights out is 11, so while it's after that, not horribly so. He has turned the display down to as dim as possible, but it still bothers my son, that and the keyboard clicking. After 11:30 he plays games on his I-phone. Sometimes my son will wake up in the middle of the night (2 or 3) and the kid will be playing and he can't fall back asleep due to the light or the clicks. I think they turn the internet back on at 5:30 which is why he gets up then - to communicate with his mom.</p>

<p>At this point, my son is getting physically ill. Football coaches must think he's a real wimp (which is not good since one of the assts is the head lacrosse coach which is he main sport), but now his back hurts. Yesterday he went to the trainer and they put heat on it (tried ice previously and it didn't work) and he slept on the trainer's table for pretty much off of practice (2 hours). I think he needs to go to the health center at this point as well. They may be of some help to him as someone "outside" confirming a problem.</p>

<p>on another note, I hate to hijack the thread - how's the OP's son doing?? Any progress there?</p>

<p>Creativ1</p>

<p>My son and his roommate are finally getting separate rooms.</p>