Help! My s is having major room mate problems!

<p>LindaS- that's not good. I would have some serious conversations with the school over parents' weekend. My kiddo (same age) absolutely loves bs, is the most academically and physically challenged that he has been in his life, but is sleeping like a rock for 8-9 hours/night no matter where he is. Boys this age are growing and need their sleep!</p>

<p>Linda: The problem is that policies only address part of the problem. Personally, I like lights out times, but the fact is if you have an inconsiderate roommate, they can always violate the policy. My son had an issue with his roommate his first year (strange study habits and endless video games). Predictably, by parent's weekend that boy’s grades reflected the problem. The school started cracking down on him and ultimately the roommate had to go to required study halls. In the interim, my son had found better and quieter places to study. Not surprisingly, the following year my son found a more compatible roommate and the problem became ancient history.</p>

<p>When I was in boarding school I was a Senior Proctor in a dorm of 9th grade boys. Every night we had to check lights out. And every night we played cat and mouse with boys reading under covers, under beds, in closets and even in toilet stalls. So some things never change.</p>

<p>Tough problem. As usual, Dyer offers some good advice. Part of the BS experience is kids learning to work these issues out for themselves. In my experience, most schools are very reluctant to allow kids to switch roommates. I think the best you can do is to contact your child's adviser and/or the dorm parent and let them know the problem. </p>

<p>Also, I know this sounds simplistic, but has your son tried earplugs/mask? I know it shouldn't come to that but if it helps to solve the problem.</p>

<p>Finally, give it time - things may improve. My son had some roommate problems last year - although it was mostly that he and his roommate were very different kids. We explained to him that he didn't have to be best friends with this roommate, just find a way to get along. By the end of the first term, things seemed to calm down and he and his roommate managed to pretty much work things out on their own. Never really became friends, but they both learned to live with one another, learned to compromise and, I think, became better, more mature people as a result.</p>

<p>Things have not improved.<br>
Working with the Dean of Students at the moment.<br>
Will update soon...I hope.</p>

<p>Linda - I hope you get a resolution to this problem soon. It sounds like the roommate is up half the night. That's just crazy. I could never survive if I had someone in my room like that. Your son must be exhausted. Obviously, the roommate is choosing to ignore your son or is having some type of communication issue. good Luck and let us know how it goes.</p>

<p>Linda-they should take baseballson's roommate and put him in a locked room with your son's roommate! Make them stay on their computers 24/7 until they've both had enough and drop out!</p>

<p>Linda
I think your son has to take some defensive action too and put himself in his roommates shoes. The RM "needs" to do the things he is doing and has apparently tried to dim the lights, etc.</p>

<p>Your son definately needs to get an eye mask like they give out on airplanes and some earplugs (they make some that my wife uses against either my or my dog's snorring). </p>

<p>I definately think your son should go part way too.</p>

<p>Thing is, roommate is breaking rules. Lights out for 10th graders at 10:45. He's up on his computer/internet until 11:30. And then on his phone playing games/texting in the middle of the night sometimes. I don't think my son should have to use ear plugs or a mask when the kid is doing something against the school rules.<br>
And, when the other kids alarm clock goes off at 5:30 to "talk to him mom" or "study" that would be fine, if HE shut it off and got up. But no, it doesn't wake him up. It would never get shut off, he would sleep right through it if my son didn't get up, wake up the kid and make him shut it off. At which point the kid goes back to sleep until 7:30.<br>
I would have NO problem telling my son to use earplugs and a mask if he wanted to sleep prior to 10:45 and if the kid was actually getting up at 5:30 to actually study. But that's not the case.</p>

<p>Linda, I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes it just makes more sense to take a practical approach to try to solve the problem, rather than standing on principle. If your son's roommate is determined not to follow lights out rules, short of checking the room several times a night it's hard for dorm advisor to make him comply.</p>

<p>Sometimes the best approach is to try to find an acceptable compromise. Maybe roommate could agree that if he needs to speak with his parents/study at 5:30 a.m. he could go out into the common room. Son could wear earplugs at night.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Maybe roommate could agree that if he needs to speak with his parents/study at 5:30 a.m. he could go out into the common room

[/quote]

As I said, he is not actually talking to his parents. He is setting his alarm, not waking up, my son gets up, makes the kid shut off his alarm and then the kid goes back to sleep until 7:30 - NEVER talking to his parents or getting up to study. If he were actually studying, or talking to his parents, we would be advising our son to cut him some slack. He's not. It's gone on for 2 months and in our opinion it's unreasonable for a kid to set an alarm and then not get up until 2 hours later.</p>

<p>Linda - Instead of shutting the alarm off for his roommate, I think your son should start sticking the ringing alarm clock under his roommate's pillow! ;)</p>

<p>I think he said he actually smacking him in the head and telling him to shut it off himself. :)</p>

<p>The technique we use with our son when he doesn't answer the alarm (which wakes us up through 2 closed doors nonetheless) is a well-aimed (at his head) squirt bottle. ;)</p>

<p>Linda
As I noted earlier, my D was having problems with her RM getting up at 5 on Sat and Sun mornings to work out, study and call her mom, From our viewpoint, RM should have been shot. They had a meeting with Dorm Mom and RM had some problems with my princess too. Anyway, they worked out some compromises and all seems better.</p>

<p>My point is that I am sure your son might be doing things that **** off the RM. You should let them handle it - but get the dorm dad to sit down with them and referee</p>

<p>water gun</p>

<p>When the alarm wakes your son, your son squirts the kid with a water gun that he keeps next to his bed. The roommate is wakened, your son doesn't have to get out of bed. problem solved! I promise he'll only have to do it once.</p>

<p>works for cats</p>

<p>Seriously, send him one in a care package. Just a little cheap one he can put under his pillow. RM won't know it's there. Son can be quite covert and even feign sleep when the RM wakes up. RM will never know what hit him. They MIGHT have a good laugh over it. Does RM have a sense of humour at all?</p>

<p>My son has his alarm clock literally 5 inches from his head and it doesn't wake him up. I have gone in with my daughter's orchestra bells, playing glisses next to his head and he's still groggy. I'm getting a water gun today. Please don't call social services. I'm sure my son will laugh about it, (or I wouldn't do it).</p>

<p>Sorry Goaliedad....didn't see your post. Glad I'm not the only sadistic parent out there. <smile></smile></p>

<p>We decided on the spray bottle instead of using a boat horn, as the boat horn would finish off the job for anyone else in the house sleeping.</p>

<p>I have to admit it only took 2 times with the water bottle to change the behavior. It is amazing how he pops out of bed with the alarm blaring when he hears the door opening...</p>

<p>No need to apologize neato... This is not an original idea... Just effective...</p>

<p>If the water gun doesn't work, and the dorm head hasn't been helpful despite complaint, and your S doesn't want to deep six RM's alarm clock in a lake somewhere, then you might have him call you the next time RM's alarm goes off. You then call the dorm head at 5:30 am and complain. I suspect you'll see results.</p>

<p>Or, may I suggest that you suggest that your son reprogram the alarm for 7:30 a.m. Does the kid check to see if it's set to 5:30 a.m. each night? If so and he resets it and doesn't wake, then -- yeah -- it's water bottle time. </p>

<p>But I'd first reset his alarm clock. What's he going to do when he finds out ? Complain? If he does, and it's so important to have the alarm go off at 5:30 that he resets it and/or expresses some degree of offense at the time being changed, then he's giving your son a license to be wakened by any means necessary. The resetting of the alarm would create context for the use of a squirt or two from a water bottle, whereas suddenly injecting a water squirt into the equation without warning or some other prompting from the roommate will come across as a unilateral attack -- not a response (let alone a measured response). This is Chess. Your son's next move is to put the roommate in check and force his roommate to make a move or withdraw. If he doesn't withdraw and chooses to make another move, then checkmate (or "squirt" if you prefer).</p>

<p>Linda,</p>

<p>I agree with what Princess'dad said. Let your son talk to dorm head or even dean of boarders, they should handle things like this. You should also e-mail or phone them to express your concern.</p>