Help on College App Essay!

Applying to College
1

<p>Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you’ve had to that area of study and/or your future career goals. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.</p>

<p>I feel as if it might be a little too much (not in words)? What should i add? what should i remove? Should it be more straight forward or should i keep this little anecdote? </p>

<p>As I drove towards college in my blue car, I thought of all the possibilities I would have instead of starting a career straight out of high school. I now had a chance to be a noble doctor saving lives, or on not so bright side, an old man accountant filing taxes in a cubicle. Of course, my luck of the draw was the boring old accountant, while my brother turned out to be an athlete and my sister, a heroic doctor. Two professions that were looked upon in aspiration and inspiration, while mine was shunned as uninteresting and nerdy. I thought about ending it there. Drive my car off the path and call it quits on life, no point in continuing if my life would be as dull as the old man’s.</p>

<pre><code>We finished late at night and put the game board away. I went to bed staring at the ceiling thinking about the accounting field trip I had the next day to the Plante & Moran CPA firm. Will it be just like that Life card with the two old people acting all happy working on some taxes?

We arrived there in downtown Chicago and went up to the Plante & Moran floor. A place that I assumed to be very dull and gray turned out to be very lively and young. The employees were friendly and claimed to be happy about their job and what they do. There was not a cubicle in sight. My upmost fear about becoming an accountant was the work environment and the tediousness of the work. However, this trip to the firm dispelled those fears and gave me the confidence and ambition to take my education of accounting to a higher level and become a CPA. This trip was the GPS that reassured me that I was on the path I wanted to be on and that studying accounting would lead me to my ambitions
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2

<p>… Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.</p>

<p>One thing, don’t post your essays directly on the website.</p>

<p>Another thing, so accounting or road trip?</p>

3

<p>It lacks focus.</p>

4

<p>I think it’s kind of a cute intro, but as it is, a bit confusing. You need to be more clear in the first paragraph that it’s a board game. That part is also too long. You need to spend more time explaining specifically what you found exciting about accounting. Your last sentence talks about leading you to your ambitions, but we have no idea what those actually are. </p>

<p>Also, it’s “utmost fear” not "upmost,’ and “two professions that were…” is a sentence fragment.</p>

5

<p>Pro tip: don’t imply that the thought of your major once made you suicidal.</p>

6

<p>I just have to respond to this, because I can see you are struggling. You don’t want to be an accountant. Your entire essay reeks of that. Instead, write about what you are truly interested in. </p>

<p>Schools want to see someone who’s focused, who has a plan, even though they recognize that that plan might change, but overall - and this goes for any student reading this post - they want to see that something in your background or experience has turned you onto a subject area, that you are clear where that “foundation” comes from, and that you have a plan of action to pursue your goal *(even though as you go through school, that might change).</p>

<p>But, it is obvious you do not want to be an accountant, and this essay will not get you past the admissions committee. You need to rewrite.</p>

<p>Hope this helps!
Jillian</p>