HELP!Please grade my SAT essay

<p>Hey guys,
I need great SAT help!..usually I go over time and can't proofread my essay..please mark my essay to tell me where I'm at atm and suggest ways I can improve.Thanks!</p>

<p>PS:I didn't have time to proof read my essay (since I was doing it in timed conditions) so some mistakes maight exist.</p>

<p>Prompt and question: "We though that he was everything to make us wish that we were in his place"</p>

<p>These words from Edwin Arlington Robinson's famous poem "Richard Cory" descrive what pepole often feel when they see others who apparently lead happier,riche and more content lives than they do.</p>

<p>The kind of envy to which Robinson refers may serve as a stron motivating force for some poeple to improve their condition and place in life.On the other hand,envy may be a self-defeating and ultimately frustating emotion because it may lead people to strive in vain for unattainable goals.In your view,is envy a generally a positive or na negative force in people's lives?</p>

<p>Even though I'm actually for envy having a positive imapact,I chose the opposite since I had examples for the latter.Here's my essay :</p>

<p>Envy,being a negative emotion only leads to negative consequences.It caused people to emulate another person's actions in order to be in their role model's place.However,what people don't realize is that the same path doesn't leads to the same destination each time and that sometimes,people are just victims of fate.This naturalistic theme is illustrated in Mice and Men where George and Lennie emulate successful people to live the "American Dream".Also,many small scale companies such as budding search engines set up big goals in order to emulate big companies such as Google,only to results in negative consequences.</p>

<p>The American Dream is an undeniable proof and example of where envy leads you.John Steinbeck in Mice and Men narrates the tale of George and Lennie,who like many other "dreamers" during the Great Depression wanted to as happy ,rich and content as th flds they saw on the other side of the grass.This caused George and Lennie to set a goal to earn around three hundred dollars by working in ranch in Soledad.However,with the intention of leading a better life,George and Lennie only faced more adverse circumstances and misfortune.This included several deaths such as those of Curley's wife and Lennie himself,resulting in a tragic yet realistic ending to fate of most striving to achieve the American Dream.Therefore,Steinbeck clearly shows how emulating others, in this case,affluence and successful people can only lead to dire consequences and futile dreams as in the case of George and Lennie.</p>

<p>Similarly, as many as 25% of emerging small scale businesses go bankrupt in hopes of becoming successful as their large business competitors.An example of this is the competition with Google.Various small scale,less popular search engines strive to become as popular as Google by spending money on extensive advertising,highly skilled expertise and employing the most advanced (and also the most expensive) methods.Needless to say,all this costs more money than the companies can afford which causes them to borrow loans.However,mostly,none of the tactics used by the new company enable them to achieve their intended goals even though they result in the end of the business.</p>

<p>Therefore,envy is ultimately a self-defeating and ultimately frustrating emotion which causes people to set unachievable goals for themselves which ultimately leads to failure and other detrimental consequences.</p>

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<p>i’d say anywhere between 9-11…the examples are good but the errors are preventing your pathway to a 12 :D</p>