Help, please?

So, of course this has been done before somewhere, but I can’t find any answers.
Currently, after being accepted to four colleges, as well as receiving decent scholarships with more coming, my parents are telling me they don’t want me to go to college.
They say it’s a money issue, but I’ve gotten over twenty thousand in scholarships with more coming so far, and we are a higher middle class family with only one younger child.
They say out of state school is too risky, but I’m by far their most independent kid, and am willing and ready to experience independence.
They say the colleges I’ve applied to are subpar for their prices, but two of them are highly ranked nationally and picked out by my dad, and the other two, while cheaper, are pretty good for my field of study.
At this point, they either want me to study at our local public community college, which is basically free and has practically nothing for my major, and I’ve already taken the majority of the basic courses needed, like English and math, or not go to college.
I love them both, but how do I explain that I really need to go to an actual college with or without their support, (though it would be nice, since I am their first kid going to college and am still not entirely sure what to expect)? Neither have had any sort of college experience, and think a bit of googling is all they need to understand what’s best for me. While I appreciate the effort, it’s honestly the furthest from what I want.
Thank you!!

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice to offer, but I wish you luck, @ChesMae .

Thank you, anyway! @marvin100

Talk to your guidance counselor and see if they will meet with your parents and try to talk some sense into them. If they are having financial issues, talk to the college and see if they can increase your aid.

You’re not the first student whose parents are upper income but can’t or won’t pay for school. You can borrow ~$5500/year. If they can’t pay anything at all, you need a school that offers merit. What are your stats?

You can also try telling them you are going to take the “not go to college” option and call their bluff. You have every right to go, but you may have to pay the balance yourself with loans, work study, etc. if they are unwilling to pay.

Have they given you a reason why other than they don’t want to spend any money? Especially when they helped pick the schools you applied to.

I presume you and they had the money talk before you applied, and you also ran the NPC’s. Even though you are getting $20K in scholarships, if you are applying to schools where the cost is $65K, I can totally appreciate their concerns.

It is better to have the money talk with them now, before they decide after half a year that you cannot continue.

You may be too late to apply now to still be in the running for schools with better, more generous FA programs, at least for this fall

It sounds terribly unfair of them at this stage of the game. I am sure it has happened before, and it will happen again. Every year there are threads of kids who get accepted but cannot afford the choices in front of them. Some of them are kids who did not run NPCs, or who thought they’d magically be awarded full need at schools who historically don’t meet full need.
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Thanks! I’ve got a high GPA, SAT and ACT, but, sadly, a high EFC as well so qualify for basically no need based money. I’ll probably have another talk with them, and most likely have to take out a bigger loan. Most of my school’s are known for giving a lot of money for need and merit, so I’ll keep going for that as well. Thank you so much!

I think it’s possible that the issue really is money.

You are their first child, so they have no previous experience with college financial aid or merit scholarships. They may have expected you to get even more merit scholarship money than you have been offered. Or perhaps they have had some financial problems recently, and they cannot afford to contribute as much as they thought they could when they helped you pick out those schools.

I have a friend with a son who is a very good student who found themselves in this position last year. They overestimated the amount of scholarships he would receive, and the family had some unexpected expenses during his senior year of high school. The son was accepted at several colleges that he liked but could not afford to attend them. He is now doing his first two years at a community college – something that his family can afford with some struggle (the struggle has to do with the family’s need for a third car because it is not possible to get from their home to the community college by public transportation) but he will have no debt for his first two years. He will then transfer somewhere else for his last two years, but he and his parents will have to borrow a great deal of money to make it possible for him to graduate.

Also, like you, this young man has a younger sibling. The family is now aware that there is another financial struggle yet to come when the younger sibling (who is also a very good student) reaches college age. Your parents may be thinking the same way.

Community college IS an actual college. Residential college is a luxury.

YOU can only borrow $5500/year. If you’re applying to $65k/year schools and got a $20k grant, you can’t borrow enough to cover a $40k/year gap. Nobody will lend you that kind of money.

It sounds like they allowed you to apply to schools you like hoping your 32 ACT/3.8 GPA would garner enough merit aid to make them affordable, but they can’t afford the net cost. Yes, $20k/year in scholarships is nice, but it doesn’t put much of a dent in a $65k/year price tag. Are they saying none of the schools you applied to are affordable? Ask them how much they can spend per year without borrowing. That, + the ~$5500/year federal student loan, + summer work earnings, + any merit you can get is your budget.

You may have to take a gap year and apply to a new list of schools.

What is the net cost for the colleges you have been accepted to? It is very possible that the net costs ARE higher than your family can pay.

Did you discuss college applications with your parents before you sent out the applications? Maybe they didn’t really understand what their net cost would be…or thought college would be less costly. That happens, unfortunately.

You say you got $20,000 in scholarships…but if that leaves your parents paying $50,000…and it could at some schools…that just might be too much for them to do.

You don’t mention their income…but really…it’s possible that your net cost would be 25-35% of their total income.

I hope you applied to some more affordable schools. OOS schools would either be OOS public S or privates, both usually with larger price tags than instate options.

ETA…YOU, the student, can take a $5500 Direct Loan in your name for freshman year. Any loans in addition to that would either need to be taken out by your parents…or cosigned. Will they do that…for four years?

Even if they WILL, think very carefully about amassing all of that debt for your undergrad degree. Really…the federal loan limit is what you want to do…ONLY. Anything above that amount is too much debt.

And this needs its own post.

You do not NEED an expensive college experience. You WANT that.

I agree with the above. Look into all of your financial aid options (your school counselor would be a good start) but whatever you do, don’t give up on your dreams of college and what you want to do professionally. It will be worth whatever sacrifices you have to make.

OP, I am so sorry you are facing this!

Since this student seems to have stats that would qualify for free tuition at some schools, it seems like a gap year might be a good option so OP could work and make some money and apply to schools where free tuition is guaranteed or likely. Community college is definitely an option, but after 2 years when it comes time to finish a degree at a 4 year college, this student would no longer have access to those great merit offers as a transfer and it sounds as if those last 2 years might not be affordable either unless there is a 4 year college within commuting distance.

Your tale is very common. All parents struggle with providing our children with a college education. My son wants close to $50K/year to attend his top choice. I cannot afford that. He is feeling the exact same as you. Your parents can afford the community college. You, like my son, want more money for college.

The problem is if the money is not there, there is nothing you can do; or your parents. Money will not magically appear.

You will have to settle on a college that is affordable for the family.

The CC route is not as bad as it might appear. Many students start out that way to get all the gen ed classes out of the way. Do you really learn English 101 better at a private school that is $6K per course compared to the CC where it is $500?

@ChesMae - I appreciate that you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment, but if you really want help here, you should be willing to answer the questions we have asked.

Did you run the NPC’s at all the schools you applied to?

Did you have the “money talk” before applying?

We don’t need exact numbers - if you are as good a student as your GPA/SAT/ACT says, you likely can do this math.

We can’t help you go back in time to have a conversation with your parents before you wasted an application fee. But we can help you understand your options now, and perhaps give you some advice as to how to present this to your parents. We can’t force them - nor can you - to pay for your college, or even to take loans for it.

CC may or may not be your best choice at this time. Taking a gap year, and re-applying to schools as an incoming freshmen next year instead of a transfer, may actually be a better option for you, as you might preserve the ability to qualify for a full tuition program based on your scores.

Another option might be to try to negotiate with some of the schools you have applied to, to see if they can better meet your families needs. Typically, though, colleges are not willing to renegotiate aid simply because parents don’t want to pay - but if there is a material difference between the NPC and what they offered you, they are almost always willing to address it. This is why we asked if you ran the NPC’s before applying.

There are a lot of great people here at CC who are willing to help. Let us.