Help score my essay

<p>Topic: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>Essay:
Hardships can be a special treasure to us, and negative even can turn into good effects. Ease does not challenge us and we need adversity to help us discover who we are.
My English teacher, Mingo, told me that he used to be a naughty boy who did not like to enter school. With a wealthy family and talent for learning, there showed no concern for him about the future. He was fascinated with the net bar and indulged in it all day long. As he said, if adversity had not come upon him, maybe he would totally degenerate into a rascal. It was in the June that the he got his college entrance examination score: a worst score beyond his wildest dream. This defeat served as a bump on his head and let he realize his real status, even though seemed too late. He went to an ordinary college to get his further education and it seem about his life totally changed. He changed from a elite student to a average learner. However, he didn't give up. With the sureness that no one can prosper with diligence, he spent much more time than his schoolmates to pay for his loss. After four year of hard study, he succeed enter Bristol University for advanced education. It is adversity let he discover who he was and made up his mind for hard study.
As all illustrated above, I absolutely take it that ease does not challenge us and we need adversity to help us discover who we are.</p>

<p>Could you please tell me how many points can I get?</p>

<p>to get a better score, you would need to make it longer, with more examples.</p>

<p>But time is limited. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>

<p>i think it would be about a 2 out of 6.</p>

<p>This essay is approximately a 4-5 points out of 12 (or 2-3 points out of 6). One example simply is not enough. You have not developed an introduction or conclusion. </p>

<p>Also, from reading your essay I can tell that English is not your native language. You are making a lot of grammatical and idiomatic mistakes, but this is not easy to correct in a short amount of time.</p>