<p>Hey, I was wondering if you guys would read over my short essay A and tell me if theres anything I should change or that would be grammatically more correct/better etc.</p>
<p>Also, should I use this...</p>
<p>Although not without its difficulties, music has always been an activity through which I could relax and enjoy myself. After an eventful day of schoolwork, debate practice, and business meetings, sitting down to practice with my dad each evening often provides a much needed break from the regular stresses of life. Having received vocal training as well as instruction in two classical Indian instruments for nearly eight years now, music has become much more than a passive interest, it has become a pleasurable passion.
Word Count: (84/100)</p>
<p>OR...</p>
<p>Although not without its difficulties, music has always been an activity through which I could relax and enjoy myself. After an eventful day of schoolwork, debate practice, and business meetings, sitting down to practice with my dad each evening often provides a much needed break from the regular stresses of life. Having received vocal training as well as instruction in two classical Indian instruments for nearly eight years now, music has become much more than a passive interest, it has become a pleasurable passion. Whereas music once seemed only to be a random series of soothing sounds, I realize now the depth and true beauty within it.
Word Count: (107/100)</p>
<p>Basically they're the same w/ a sentence added to the second one at the end.</p>
<p>What do you think...sounds okay? Too forced? Any and ALL suggestions would be very helpful! Thanks SO much!!</p>
<p>for the first one...
--"pleasurable passion"... what the...
--it sounds like you are listing + describing everything more than reflecting on your experiences</p>
<p>now that I've read the second one, it does sound a lot better.</p>
<p>Question:You said, "After an eventful day of schoolwork, debate practice, and business meetings, sitting down to practice with my dad each evening often provides a much needed break from the regular stresses of life."</p>
<p>Do "eventful day of schoolwork, debate practice, and business meetings" mean the regular stresses of life? Or did you want to say something else?</p>
<p>actually, after reading a lot more of madmatt's stuf and the article on why this question is acutally used, I decided to make a more eccentric response...rather than just talk about something which is already on my EC list...</p>
<p>any thoughts:
Whether its capturing the sunset or shooting the shoreline, I find taking pictures with my cell phone camera to be one of the most pleasurable pastimes. With less than a megapixel of resolution, the camera captures only the vague essence of a shot, and leaves out the unimportant details captured with other high-end cameras. In its simplicity I feel the camera captures the true beauty hidden within the seemingly unimportant moments of life. And although the final picture may not be of award-winning quality, the process required to arrive at that picture was still intricately delicate.
Word Count: (96/100)</p>
<p>I dont like the last sentence..need to rework it a bit, and then one of my friends said that it sounds like I'm trying to be too meaningful and should just talk more about what it is I like to do and let the adcoms decide if they think its meaningful or not..
So what do ya'll think?</p>
<p>You are definitely uber-thoughtful :) in your last sentence. "intricately delicate" what a phrase...</p>
<p>Well, don't depend on your friend, but don't ignore him either. Choose whichever one sounds like YOU... for that, I can't give you any feedback.. Sowee.</p>
<p>My short question ans, it shows both side f mine, i think.</p>
<p>At height of 5 8.5 and always with a pair of glasses on, rarely anyone would associate me with basketball. Unexpectedly, basketball is one of my favorite pastimes. When I was away from the intense schoolwork, you could always find me having a pick-up game with my friends. Even when I was in stress, shooting a few hoops would relax my tensed-up muscle and bringing me right back to work again. However, on the less active side of mine, I like to study and evaluate the rise and fall of significant historical figures. I believe that by analyzing the key characteristics of these successful leaders would contribute to my growth and potential as a successful human being.</p>
<p>RohanKonimitsu you got my pleasure...though i use my poor old Cybershot...spending the sunsets on my roof top....Due to the a huge school building right in front of my house...capturing sun rise still remains a dream... ;)</p>
<p>Have you ever tried to capture drops of water falling from a tap after you close it...its just as amazing!</p>
<p>hehe...no I haven't..ohh that's tricky though =P</p>
<p>You guys think I should submit some of my cellphone camera pics as supplementals (haha)...i have a few REALLY old ones..that are not that good (recento nes are much better but they're on my friends PDA...i infared to his pDA and he uploads...but his PDAlink isn't working), but not that bad either I think</p>
<p>(btw they're just hosted on my friends domain...yes..he thought he would be clever and make happywalr.us (happywalrus)...haha don't ask =P)</p>
<p>oh and also..basketball guy.... 5'8.5" (5'9") isn't a bad height for basketball at all! two of the best players I know are 5'8" and 5'7", they're wicked fast and can school most tall people... i'm also only 5'6" and I play basketball as well (although not as much nor as well as the other people)
also it seems odd that you talk about two things instead of one. just think of something you like to do thats not anywhere else on ur app (including ur EC list) and talk abt it!</p>
<p>this was my short answer, what do you guys think???</p>
<p>My violin acts as my catharsis, providing a medium in which I can unravel my fears, my dreams, and my soul. After five to ten minutes of concentrating on my fingers, I completely let myself go, trusting my intuition and the years of private lessons to act as my guides. This time is a time to reflect and a time to pour out my emotions into my instrument. For an hour or two a day, I am in complete harmony with myself: the music provides a pathway from my mind to my heart, heals what is broken, and stirs new dreams within.</p>
.jpg%22>http://anu.happywalr.us/t616/Pic%20(13).jpg</a){kind=link}
.jpg%22>http://anu.happywalr.us/t616/Pic%20(7).jpg</a){kind=link}
