HELP -- Trying to Figure Out if I Made the Wrong Choice

Hi, so I just deposited to a university, but I’ve been panicking for the past couple hours since then (as in, can’t get out of my room, lying in bed, trying to distract myself despite being starving, panicking).

I don’t know why all of a sudden my decision feels so wrong. It was a really hard choice to make and now, I feel like all I want is to rewind 3 hours and truly think this through.

I’m wondering too if it’s possible what I’m feeling is simply fear. My situation is that I’ve gone to one university for a year, and now have deposited at a different university to transfer to. I didn’t hate my old university, I actually loved it. But I felt like I had to go because my major wasn’t strong…and I don’t know, I just had this adventurous urge to go ahead and restart and try something new.

My fear now is that maybe I was too hasty or something. I know I’ve always had a strong fear of change, so that may be a part of it. In addition, I’m going from something I knew worked well to something I have no clue if I’ll truly like because I haven’t lived there yet, and that horrifies me.

I was wondering if anyone had thoughts/comforts/similar situations on this decision. What should I do?

I’m also quite certain my parents will flip if they realize I don’t want to go to the school I deposited at (I’d pay them back the deposit of course) because they definitely wanted me to go to that school very badly in the first place (which is why I’m also scared that maybe I made myself like this school for them and not for me).

Responses are super appreciated. Thanks.

I see from your other thread “Transfer to UPenn or stay at Emory?” that you did end up transferring to Penn. Your reasons in that other thread look solid to me and well thought through. I think that you had two very good options, and that you will do well at Penn. You loved your old university because you are the type of person who can learn to fit in when you are placed in a new situation. You will still be that same type of person when you arrive at Penn.

I think that you should just relax, and understand that you will do well at your new school. You will have a stronger department in your major. That is big. You will be closer to home. They accepted you because they know that you can do it.

It is very normal to be nervous in a situation like this. However, you can do it. You will do well at your new school. You will find that there are other students like you at your new school.

You have an opportunity to get a degree from a very strong program at an Ivy League university close to home. Wow. Congratulations and best wishes!

Thank you so much for your reply! It definitely re-assured me. I’m definitely just feeling very scared about having to start all over again and wondering if it’s worth it and such. Restarting is hard. But I think I’ll be able to pull through and I know this will be really good for me in the long run (and I have a good feeling that I may even end up loving it just as much as Emory – maybe even more!)

Great attitude @jule009 - go for it!

It’s what they call “buyer’s remorse”. People experience it when making major decisions such as buying a house or a car. There isn’t much you can do about it other than to remember why you selected the university you did, and the feeling will never entirely subside until you attend college and see what it’s really like. There will be times even at college you will feel it, but it usually goes away. The most important part to remember is that most decisions aren’t permanent. You never truly know how your college is going to be until you get there. There is a lot not discussed on tours or shown during overnight visits. If you truly made the wrong decision, you will know once you get there, and at that point, if you find it worthwhile to do so, you can transfer. Please give your college a chance though.

I will also point out a great contrast between buyer’s remorse and making the wrong decision. If you just settled on a college, or if you feel like you were forced into the decision you made, then you may want to think about your choice again. It still may be worth giving the university a chance in the fall anyway. If, on the other hand, you find yourself suddenly depressed by your selection after being sure or excited about the college you chose, then it is more than likely buyer’s remorse which will subside with time.

@SolarGoat Thank you for the reply – it definitely makes me think.

I had another bout of indecision today and I thought your advice was pretty good. I was just wondering your thoughts on something: how would I be able to tell whether my doubts/anxiety are due to buyer’s remorse and what do you think would be more telling that I was forced into the decision (totally fine if you don’t have an answer, I’m just curious what your thoughts would be on the matter).

Thank you so much again.

@jule009

I apologize for the late response, but my life has been very busy during this month. You will know if it’s buyer’s remorse when you actually go to the college and see if you enjoy it. If, by the end of the first semester, you still feel no better, it may be a sign it’s something more. The only time you will know if you were “forced” into a decision is if you either settled on a college you didn’t want to go to or if someone made the decision for you, By making the decision for you, I mean something like a family legacy which would have made you feel obligated to choose a certain university over the other options. The college decision is not a permanent one. It can be undone at any time. If you randomly decided today you wanted to go to a different college, you could most definitely back out of the decision you made and possibly still go to the university you wanted in the fall. I would at least give your current decision a chance if they have your major and you truly wanted to go there. People transfer all the time, and if you made the wrong choice, then it’s fine, but the university you decided upon was chosen for a reason, and it should definitely be given a chance before you think it could be the wrong decision for you. The summer prior to your freshman year is veery stressful, and it doesn’t get any better until the semester actually starts, so try to take it easy until then to see if you’re satisfied with the choice you made.