<p>Situation:
Son has high IQ but has ADHD. Has not performed well junior year. Applied to one in-state school and one out of state. Accepted to both. In-state school would be free as it is pre-paid.</p>
<p>To motivate son, he signed a contract stating the minimal grades needed to "earn" his way to the out of state school (by midyear). He has not met that goal.</p>
<p>As parent contemplating, GAP year, PG year, or a few years at a Curry or Lynn program for him. He does not want any of these.</p>
<p>As compromise, I suggested he go to the in-state school and get accustomed to the transition. He thinks college will be easier than high school and he will be more motivated. Then transfer to his out of state school after a year. I look at this as a year to mature and get used to the trials and tribulations of college. </p>
<p>The disability resource office will help him at either school.</p>
<p>What would you do?</p>
<p>I hate to spend the money knowing his chances of success that first year will be minimal.</p>
<p>I think your concerns are well founded. Your son is naive if he thinks college will be easier in some generic sense than high school. It will be less structured, yes, and with less emphasis on busywork, but there will also be minimal interest from professors in helping students who aren’t keeping up get back on track. Regardless of the presence of a disability services office, it’s still sink or swim, and grades are based on a few large one-time high-stakes assessments for which it’s up to the student to self-prepare. Does your son fully understand that?</p>
<p>If he didn’t meet the contract goals then it seems like there is no reason to believe that he will be more motivated in college. And while college may be easier in terms of difficulty of coursework (depends on high school and college) it certainly is going to more difficult in terms of time management and self-discipline. I think you need to stick with the in-state school option. Of course, you could point out that if he comes up with the money, he’s more than welcomed to go out of state. In a sense, you gave him a chance to earn that money through his grades and he didn’t do it. Good luck.</p>
<p>I have a D with ADD and as much as I want her to reach goals we’ve discussed, there are times when I have to accept that she did her best. I can only ask her to do her best and believe me, I understand wanting them to do better. So…putting in major effort and “failing” to meet a goal vs. barely putting in effort and “failing” to meet the goal are two very distinct things with ADHD. </p>
<p>I do agree that he’s in for quite the shock if he feels that college will be easier because he’ll be more motivated (aren’t they cute? ;)). I would rec that where ever he goes to have him take only the min. amount of credits to (full-time min.) just allow him to “test the water”. I think he’ll realize quickly that either school will be more than he expected. </p>
<p>So just looking at what’s best for him…where do you feel he’s going to be more successful? Forget all the “goals” right now and just think about where he will have the better support (many colleges have LD support, but do your research on the level of LD support quality at both schools). Where he will have a better chance of success? Do you have any kind of hunch either way? I’m not saying to let go of the “deal” you made, but just wondering because the real goal, in my opinion, is having him head off to college and being successful (not come bouncing back after 1 semester, right?). If it costs you a bit more, and you can afford that bit more, then I would opt for the college where he is more likely to have quality support and be successful as a student (and able to grow up, move on and take care of himself as an adult).</p>
<p>I fully understand your dilemma and appreciate your thoughtfulness. I am only asking a question to clarify the choices.
Have you thought about what you define (to yourself) as “success” at the OOS school? Some parents consider succcess “not flunking out” while others say “a C average for a freshman will do.” Still others say, “I’d better see nothing less than a B in any course.” Since your family is clear in advance about expectations, I wondered what feels like “success” to you for the first year at the more challenging situation.</p>
<p>I can also see the value of maintaining a higher overall GPA (over 4 years) by starting in-state and transferring, if there are hopes of graduate school. Of course, if he gets extremely low grades the first year in-state, he’s really stuck in place there. </p>
<p>I don’t envy your decision here. A toughie.</p>
I’m a mom of an ADHD kid who is a successful junior in college. She has never come close to flunking a single course and since she has to maintain a 3.5 to keep her scholarship, definitely worries about her grades. So I feel I am at least somewhat qualified to speak to this situation. With proper medication, coaching and support, an ADHD kid who is ready for college work should be able to pass all classes and maintain a decent GPA–and if he can’t do that, he isn’t ready to attend a traditional college and should consider one of the alternative schools you mentioned. And when it comes to traditional colleges, certainly the quality of the school’s disability services should be a major criterion–all of them talk a good game, but some offer little. (I recall discovering that the disability services office at one college had only one full-time employee and an office the size of a closet.) Perhaps the issue is that the proper medications and coaching have not yet been found, in which case college should be delayed until they are. At some point this student will have to succeed in a career where “flunking” anything and disregard of merit measurements won’t fly. It’s much more important to focus on turning that high IQ into a reasonable level of achievement than to worry over deciding between two schools.</p>
<p>For those of you who haven’t experienced what it’s like to “manage” a severely ADHD adolescent male, here’s a real-life sample (who happens to be a really smart kid). Teacher hands out assignments. Kid doesn’t bring them home. Teacher posts assignments on line. Kid won’t look them up. Parent prints out assignment and stands over kid while he does them. Kid forgets to take the work to school. Parent had the kid put the homework in his backpack each night. Kid forgets to take the backpack. Parent hangs backpack on the door such that it has to be picked up in order to leave the house. Kid takes the pack, but forgets to turn the homework in.</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like the OP’s S is as diffused as the kid I just described. But he’s clearly not ready for a large, anonymous and unsupportive state flagship, be that in-state or OOS. Any kid that can’t achieve “no more than one C and one D” when a priority decision is on the line … ugh, just ugh.</p>
<p>I think I understand your dilemma. It’s really hard to say “no” to something for these kids because we’ve seen them suffer and struggle so much in high school. We hope that by giving them what they want, they may rise to the challenge and that by denying them their ‘dream school’ they may sink in discouragement. I don’t think there is any easy answer.</p>