<p>My heart goes out to you. Only thing I can offer is that our children often feel better before we do.</p>
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the scenario is part of why I detest the whole Greek apparatus.
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This is a hard thing to go through (and unnecessary, IMHO; it's because of this and this alone that I think fraternities and sororites should be consigned to the past).
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<p>Agree, agree, agree. Any club that you can belong to only through invitation is exclusionary by definition. This is just like all the bad, exclusionary things we've heard (and some of us know) about country clubs for grown ups. In my humble opinion, and in my experience, fraternities and sororities make superficial decisions based on superficial things -- clothes, background, legacy status, race, religion, athletic performance, home state. </p>
<p>On this site we (some of us) complain (some of the time) about how colleges use some of these criteria to tilt the balance toward some people who may be less "deserving" than others. Social groups are great; we all want to hang out with people we are like and get along with. But i can't fathom why frats have to rely on formal invitations to some and therefore exclude others.</p>
<p>Even cliques in high school have an ebb and flow; sometimes you're in, other times you're not. It's not hard and fast.</p>
<p>I'm a junior at Wake, and there's always an adjustment period after spring rush. People are taking time to get used to all the people with whom they're now in a sorority or fraternity. After a few weeks, things get back to normal and people stop hanging out so exclusively with their organization. I've never rushed, and every year, there're always a couple of weeks where I don't see my friends who are in a sorority because they're tied up with sorority activities. It'll definitely get better.</p>
<p>I have been in your position and it is a very difficult one for a parent. I don't have miraculous advice, as you can't make circumstances better for your son. But I would start to be concerned if this malaise, that you describe as sounding like "depression," continues. If it were my son, I'd strongly urge him to talk to a counselor at college. College counselors deal with these types of situations all of the time. And I agree with the other posters who mentioned that getting involved with some meaningful extracurricular activity often has the side benefit of providing a strong social group.</p>
<p>I know the pain personally. Although it happened almost 30 years ago, I still remember how it felt to be left out when my best friends got sorority bids. I was SAD!!!!! Because I have a brother who truly suffers from depression, I do not use the term "depressed" casually --- but I guess some might have termed my feelings as depression. I didn't feel like doing anything! It was awful. However ... my friends remained my friends. I felt very left out at times, but I did get more or less used to it. Eventually, I did get a bid (at the end of the next rush period), so all worked out well for me. I actually ended up as sorority president down the road, and I was later an adviser.</p>
<p>To be honest, the rejection really hurts. I won't say I am glad it happened! However, life seems to have a way of working itself out. Give your son your love and support, as well as time. He my or may not want to rush later on. Either decision is okay. Growing up can really s**k!!! My heart goes out to him (and to you!). Know, though, that things will get better as time goes on.</p>
<p>freshman dad, although your son is experiencing what seems to us to be pain inflicted by a very flawed system on a perfectly wonderful kid..(isn't even getting into Wake hard enough? why do the kids then construct some new society that includes organized selection and rejection? oy!)</p>
<p>Here is a cold but very real comfort from one parent to another when faced with what we all hope is this brief rude awakening that some strangers at Wake who your son was prepared to take on as his friends...hurt your son's feelings so needlessly. </p>
<p>The blessings version: You don't have to wonder what the heck is going on in the frat he joined for the next three and a half years. Beer is illegal in 2007 for all but aging juniors and seniors. You won't have to wonder if your son's reputation and judgment is going to be tied to a group. You won't have to wonder how much energy is siphoned off into Greek affairs that could have been so much better applied to many other avenues for one's time, psyche and social being at Wake.</p>
<p>Wake is a pretty tough school academically from what we hear.</p>
<p>Our son, who we considered to be a "rugged individual" in high school, and who seemed to favor colleges that had banned frats, to our big surprise (and noisy disapproval) pledged a frat his freshman year. Then came mono and some muddled priorities, which granted he learned a lot from experiencing. I have to admit that my S is very happy with his decision and that I truly admire the members of his frat that I know, but he made a choice that we basically have issues with.</p>
<p>The Wake student who posted is probably correct though. I went to Furman which is a lot like Wake. Frat fever freshman year is a rite of passage and a social whirl that tends to get behind you and get forgotten as everyone matures and herd behavior reduces. The longer you are on campus, the more this vulnerable chapter for freshmen seems like ancient history.</p>
<p>Yeah, I'm a freshman at Wake. I rushed, but quit during the rush process, because I wasn't 100% sure if it was something I wanted to do. I really regretted doing so, but now I just figure I'll rush next semester. It seems like a big deal, but there are lots of people who aren't in frats (although it seems like everyone is). Just look on the bright side: he knows lots of brothers and has friends in the frat so that will make it easier to get in the Fall. It is tough though, that is something I haven't been liking about school this semester--not being in a frat. You feel kind of left out, I dunno, but I definetely relate, I am not like Wake that much this semester. Hopefully, it will get better.</p>
<p>willmingtonwave, I really think you did the right thing by not going through with the process if you had any doubts. You showed maturity by not being pressured into something that maybe didn't feel quite right. Take this time to see if it is truly what you want. I think it's a sad statement (and I don't doubt you for a minute) that to feel part of the campus one feels the need to be part of Greek life. Hang in there and try to take pride in your individuality.</p>
<p>It hurts to be turned down socially and not know why. I was most encouraged by the student on campus who reassured that there's a seasonality to all this and it will definitely become less of a campus focal point for everyone in a few weeks.</p>
<p>This could be a good time to ask him if he wants a visit, if you're in driving distance. No need to even talk about this situation; just go and spend a couple of hours in friendship. Freshman year, my H used to go alone to our kids' campus when he could break away. A day or two before, he'd announce the visit and say when he got there, he'd love to have dinner off-campus, just the two of them. Oh, but IF my S wanted to, he was welcome to invite 1-3 friends along. That gave my S some time to think about it. H did the usual reminder calls. By the time he arrived on campus, my S always managed to find someone in his dorm, even someone he didn't yet know well at all, who also wanted the change of pace and free meal. Inviting others made my S the center of that social moment. It lifted his spirits. One time, though, he chose not to invite others...so the "heart-to-heart" was something that our S initiated, knowing he could have done it otherwise. </p>
<p>I heard of a story years ago where a frat (not at Wake), during rush, had someone from the frat go and read the labels of the coats hanging on the entryway hooks, while kids were in the frat living room. They blackballed one guy because his coat came from Sears-Roebuck. Turns out, it was John Roebuck. Their loss.</p>