Help with UC prompt #1 essay?

<p>Can someone give feedback on my essay for prompt #1 on UC personal statement..</p>

<p>yeah, i’ll take a look.</p>

<p>Sent Pm’s. Anyone else is still welcome!</p>

<p>Bump!</p>

<p>I wrote a whole new essay
If anyone can please help give feedback it would be much appreciated</p>