<p>Any of you parents have experience with a undisciplined and unmotivated kid who turned things around before college?
Give me hope, please !!!</p>
<p>schoolmom, that would be my son. While I can't say he changed overnight, he IS going to college; it is his first choice college; and he is very excited to be going. We visited schools his junior year; he knew what he needed to do to get in; he was deferred from EA but obtained additional recommendations, worked hard in his classes, and was accepted. Mind you, he's not in the HYPS league at all; but just remember there's truly a college for everyone. It just might take a bit more digging to find the one that fits your child. </p>
<p>Hang in there! This is a great place to come for advice and input.</p>
<p>The biggest slacker in my kids HS class is now in Med school and doing great.</p>
<p>You have three options: Love your kid for who he is, continue to support his interests (not yours- his- even if they are limited to comic books and cyber poker) and pray for a miracle; Hound him mercilessly to see if he'll change in time to make the grade; treat him like an adult by showing him the facts of life and seeing if that helps- it will be his life and his future, and if he wants to spend it working at Walmart, it's honorable work after all.</p>
<p>We did number three and number one- insisted on the value of paid labor even when his friends were doing more glamorous internships. It only took a week at a minimum wage job mopping floors while wearing a goofy fast food uniform to get him to realize that he wanted to go to college and wanted to succeed in his education. We also supported (from early years) whatever goofy hobby or obsession he was caught up in at the time... in the hopes that something would stick or light a fire.</p>
<p>Did the trick. I cannot report good results from the hounding method, although friends, neighbors, and a former college roommate all swear by it. YMMV.</p>
<p>^^wise advice from blossom.</p>
<p>Sounds like my S2, an academically average student who was content to get average grades. </p>
<p>We made it very clear that he would not be spending time goofing off around town doing nothing if he did not go off to a 4 yr. sch. We also let him know that the CC was OK with us if that's what he wanted to do...as long as he was working towards something. </p>
<p>S2 just didn't want to think about college until the other kids started talking about it a lot at the beginning of senior year. Then he decided he would apply. He applied early to two state schools, got in both. That was in Nov. of senior yr. He still didn't knock himself out in the academic dept. but did maintain his gpa at an acceptable level.</p>
<p>I really think getting admitted to a school early gave him a boost of confidence and kept him from being a total slacker during senior yr( knowing he had admittance in hand but it could slip away). Also he took one class per semester at the CC senior yr. He did it mostly so he coud get out of sch, early,lol but I think the experience really benefitted him.</p>
<p>We had hounded this kid since 1st grade ( with varying but mostly poor results) and finally decided that we would leave it up to him his senior yr.</p>
<p>He never made the A Honor roll in his entire h.s career and never will be an honor student but he had a blast his senior yr and a dream season on the football field and got into a sch. that he is happy to be going to in Aug.<br>
Even though there were many times I wanted to pull his hair out, it turned out OK in the end.<br>
Good luck schoolmom. It can happen.</p>
<p>Looking at Packmom's post, I think that in some ways, the "underachievers" might actually have a better approach -- they apply early to less competitive (and less expensive) state publics an then they are over and done with the process, while their more ambitious counterparts are stressed out all the time over grades and competing for select spots at elite colleges.</p>
<p>schoolmom, what grade is he in? Also, from experience, make sure there are no learning disabilities or organizational issues that can be helped with a little extra specialized tutoring. That worked for S1 for us. Friend's S3 choose an altogether different path, apprenticeship in landscaping company. Started with just hauling dirt and is now doing well with no college. Is talking now about going back to CC for some business classes so he can take over the business. If all is OK they either he will come around for college now, later, or find another path. </p>
<p>Agree with blossom, you can only control your response to his choices after a certain point, not what he chooses. But do decide what the consequences for various actions will be and be prepared to stick to it. Unless you are ready to have him hang out at home, playing games and staying out all night :) Know some S's doing that too.</p>
<p>He is entering 11th grade and is 16 yrs. old. We have had him tested and he is ADD inattentive type. He was on concerta but stopped taking it last year because he didn't like how it made him feel. We have an appointment to go back to the doctor later this month to hopefully get him started on Adderall before school starts. He has been tested at an extremely high IQ level but just doesn't care about grades and therefore does not study or do homework. He says he will go to college but really doesn't care which one and is not sure what he wants to study. He only is interested in hanging out with his friends(which are also unmotivated ) and playing his guitar. I would like him to prep for PSAT and ACT tests that he will be taking next school year but he is totally uninterested. His older sister was the total opposite (studied all the time and got straight A's on her own, no pressure from us) and so I am having difficulty dealing with this. It seems nothing works.</p>
<p>Schoolmom- does he connect with any of his teachers? Does he have a good relationship with the guitar instructor? Have there been school trips or outside interests he's shown some spark for? Are there any books (comic books, non-fiction, fantasy, encyclopedia of sports or rock music) that he's shown some interest in???? It is easier to motivate him to get involved in something that he's already interested in than to start bugging him to study for a test or join the chess club.</p>
<p>I don't know your kid.... but from my limited experience I'd be working on the following:
A summer job asap, doing something, anything. If he's too young for a paying job in your area, then a volunteer position. We told our kid that everyone in the household works- period, end of message. It doesn't have to be digging ditches for 60 hours a week, but doing something productive over the summer was the price he paid for having cereal in the cabinet and waffles in the freezer. He did some volunteer work at a local hospital which he hated but taught him a couple of valuable skills, i.e. showing up. He did some baby sitting which he actually enjoyed... a slacker teen is a good companion to a 9 or 10 year old who needs supervision but no diapers to change. Once he got old enough for real work.... it was up to him (we intervened to get him the babysitting and volunteer gigs.)</p>
<p>If your budget and schedules allow, I'd leave it up to him to plan a family vacation or a weekend trip. You can tell him what your limitations are... but leave the rest up to him. Graceland, Rock and Roll hall of fame, lots of cool places to visit for a kid who likes guitar.</p>
<p>Talk to the guitar teacher. This isn't the first time s/he has met a child like yours and s/he may have some insights.</p>
<p>I'd also be planning a family meeting with the guidance counselor to review his schedule for next year. Your son should be at the meeting. No point in having him decide in November that Earth Science is a waste of time-- get his issues out in the open now while there's still something you can do about it. If he had a schedule that had at least 1-2 classes that he was really excited about, you'd be surprised how his attitude might change towards the other subjects. You can also discuss an online course if there's something he's interested in that the school doesn't offer.</p>
<p>If it were me I'd lay off the PSAT and ACT prep. In the grand scheme of things, his standardized test scores will be a very trivial part of his grown up life. Getting him to feel passionately about something and wanting to work at it is a much more important issue in my opinion.</p>
<p>A friend of S3 is like that. He tried regular college but could not manage, had not really learned coping techniques in HS, just had his meds. When he went to college he went off them. He came home after 1 semester. Since then he has tried a variety of things for several years. Now at 24 he may be going to CC to pick up the credits needed to get into univeristy, if he gets his applications done. He is working full time at a job he likes. </p>
<p>Check into the specialized tutors. Your S needs to learn how to cope with the ADD to manage himself beyond the meds. There are ways for him to learn to manage his time and assignments but it takes some work and someone to work with his own special situation. It also helped us when we took the fight out of the house and handed it to a tutor to manage. The tutor stayed in touch with the school and assignments. The stress level of the household went down a lot.</p>
<p>"If he had a schedule that had at least 1-2 classes that he was really excited about, you'd be surprised how his attitude might change towards the other subjects."</p>
<p>That was part of the key for my son. Good relationship with a teacher that persuaded him that he was indeed worth something. He also was mentored by a very caring administrator who gave him supervised responsibility in the main office-- having that positive interaction daily, instead of an AP course, made a huge difference. </p>
<p>I agree re: the ACT/PSAT prep-- the more I pushed prep with my son, the worse his scores became. Let it go.</p>
<p>If you want him to prep for standardized tests, and you have the funds, I would find a male tutor with some common interests that your son enjoys. I would find a tutor who is just about 5-7 years older than he is, so your son sees him as a peer rather than another authority figure. My older son had this type of experience. It was not planned, but it worked out extremely well. I paid for the tutoring time and was not short changed, and the tutor gave my kid another 10-15 minutes here and there to talk about things that they had in common. This held my son's attention and made him study (even if the motivation might have been, in part, to please the tutor).</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and advice. S is currently working a part-time job that he seems to like o.k. I like the tutor idea but not sure how he would feel about it. I want to step back this year and give him space but I know how important this upcoming school year is and with his average grades it could be really important for him to do well on the tests.
It seems like there are alot of other parents on CC that deal with this and I am just wondering if this is a ADD issue, a bright -gifted issue or a maturity thing. It seems like it is more often with sons than daughters.</p>
<p>The tutor we used was a young man, middle school LD teacher. The boys related well to him and he was "inside the system" so could communicate with teachers easily. He was not a subject matter tutor. Strictly learning to adjust and compensate for the LD issues, planning, organizing, project work breakdown, etc. - or in your case ADD issues. It really helped them learn to manage themselves for college and by senior year, they used him less, only checking in as needed first semester and not at all second semester. That way we knew they had the skills to go on by themselves. </p>
<p>We made sure they understood it was not that they were "dumb" or being punished. It was to help them learn to manage the issues. S3 resisted more, so we relented and let up earlier. He was the one that had the hardest time at college since he never really consolidated the skills. All 3 S's were bright, S3 in the gifted programs when younger. I think that actually makes it harder. So yes on all 3, male, gifted and maturity.</p>
<p>Forgot to mention that S2 had no SAT prep, took SAT once in spring of jr. yr.got a low score but refused to take it again. He knew the two big state universities were well out of reach and really had no desire to attend those anyway. The lower eschelon state u's were his aim and he thought he had enough to get in. Turns out he was right. </p>
<p>Also S2 had basically 2 ec's. He was a starter on the football team all four years (capt. one yr)and managed to keep his grocery store job year round through 3 years of h.s and 2 football seasons which I think showed committment/work ethic on his part even though he was not an all-star student.</p>
<p>"It seems like there are alot of other parents on CC that deal with this and I am just wondering if this is a ADD issue, a bright -gifted issue or a maturity thing. It seems like it is more often with sons than daughters."</p>
<p>Since at least the late 1800's when my great-grandmother taught all eight grades in rural one-room schools it has been common knowledge within the teaching profession that lots of boys mature academically a lot later than most girls. The problem for so many 21st century boys is that they aren't allowed to do things at their own pace.</p>
<p>As long as your kid is moving forward and has healthy social relationships, I'd suggest that you kick back and enjoy him for the wonderful person he is. Don't compare him to his sister. Don't compare him to the "more successful" students at his school. Give him a chance to figure out who he is and what he wants out of life. </p>
<p>As for the tests and grades, if you decide now that he can have a gap year, his junior year grades won't be so critical because the colleges will see his full HS transcript when he applies. If you decide to concentrate on colleges that are test score optional (check the current list at The</a> National Center for Fair & Open Testing | FairTest ), you can punt the whole PSAT/SAT/ACT issue completely.</p>
<p>This is basically the route we're taking with Happykid. Everyone is much happier now.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>