Help!

Parents Forum
1

<p>I posted this in another forum but I was told by someone to post it here cause ya'll have good advice so here's my problem,</p>

<p>ON December 8 my half-brother died at the age of 22. Ever since my dad has been worried about me being like even more than 1 hour away from immediate family. I want to go to Georgetown University but it is 13 hours away from anyone. Should I stay close for a while or go where I want to. My Mom wants me to stay in tennessee but my dad wants me between TN or Illinois. Also I'm having a bit of difficulty dealing with the loss myself but I think it may just be it's the first christmas without him. DO you think I should go and try it out or wait for at least one year of college?</p>

2

<p>I'm very sorry for your family's loss.</p>

<p>What year are you in at school? Are you a senior who is already applying to colleges? Or are you a junior?</p>

<p>If you're a junior, your family will have time to process what has happened before you make your final decisions about college applications. If you're a senior, you may have more of a problem.</p>

<p>Psychologically, we parents often have trouble with our kids being far away, even though we know, in the rational part of our minds, that they are no safer at a college near home. Your half-brother's death is likely to intensify this feeling for your parents. If you won't be applying to colleges until next fall, the intensity of the feeling is likely to have diminished somewhat by then, leaving you with less of a problem. If you're applying right now, it may be too much to expect your parents to be rational on this subject.</p>

<p>In any case, when it comes to Georgetown, you might want to point out to your parents that 1) it isn't 13 hours away from anywhere in the U.S. if you fly; and 2) it's in the center of civilization, where excellent medical facilities are readily available. But if you're not applying to colleges until next fall, I would suggest waiting a few months before having this conversation.</p>

<p>In the meantime, although I realize that Georgetown has some features, in terms of its location and academic specialties, that are uniquely appealing, it might also make sense to check out some universities closer to home that are at a comparable academic level and that might offer many of the same features that attracted you to Georgetown. I'm thinking here of Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, Washington University at St. Louis, and Northwestern. Other people on this board may have additional suggestions. It might be possible for you and your parents to come up with some compromise college choices such as these that would be acceptable to both of you.</p>

3

<p>My condolences to you and your family.</p>

<p>My suggestion is that you apply to colleges within a range of distances including close to home, and also consider taking a gap year.</p>

<p>You and your family are just beginning to grieve, and it's possible the grief will become more intense or will change in surprising ways over the next year. Going away to college is unsettling even for students who haven't suffered a recent loss. For virtually everyone, adapting to going to college -- even close to home -- takes some time. To adjust to college a year after suffering a loss may be very difficult, so it could be wise to take some time off.</p>

<p>Even for students who haven't suffered a loss, the college that is very appealing fall of senior year may feel less appealing in the spring, so that's another reason to also apply to some colleges closer to home.</p>

<p>If you pick a college in the spring and decide to take a year off, most colleges will allow that. The fact that your half brother suddenly died of a heart attack, and your father also has surgery scheduled are more reasons that colleges would be sympathetic to your taking a gap year. Some colleges even will allow you to take a gap year without committing to come to their college.</p>

<p>I hope that you and your family will be able to find some comfort in happy memories this holiday season.</p>

4

<p>In looking at your other posts, I see that you're also a first generation college student, have ADHD, and have only one kidney.</p>

<p>More reason to consider taking a gap year and also applying to some places much closer to home so that when it's time to choose your college, you have a range of choices.</p>

<p>Having lived in D.C. and Tenn., I can tell you that D.C. is very different than is Tenn., and will require some major adjustments for you. Being first generation college brings also some special challenges as does being ADHD (saying this as someone who is ADD). Having these challenges on top of having a beloved half brother recently die, and having your father' have his spleen removed could make your first year in college extremely difficult.</p>

<p>If you take a gap year, you could do something like take a couple of courses at a local community college while doing major community service, something I notice you've done a lot of. You also could consider entering Americorps at home or in a nearby city. You'd get a living stipend plus about $4,700 to use for college. My son took a gap year, living at home and being an Americorps volunteer, and it was of great help to him in terms of learning about his interests and talents, becoming even more comfortable relating to adults in a professional way, and developing some useful skills that have helped him in college as well as expanding his career options.</p>

<p>S, incidentally is ADD. The gap year helped him realize even more the value of college and take advantage of the wide range of productive options college offers. He has always loved school and planned to go to college, but the gap year helped him appreciate the various opportunities -- clubs, friendships as well as academics that college offers. </p>

<p>Like you, S had feared that a gap year would lower his motivation about academics. However the opposite happened. He also had more maturity when he went to college, so he was able to rise above the typical college challenges like having an awful roommate.</p>

5

<p>In checking your stats, Georgetown is a big reach.</p>

<p>I think it would be wise to expand your options so that your safeties offer you some of the things you like about your reach schools. </p>

<p>And make sure you talk over finances with your parents. Even with need-based scholarships, the schools may be more than what your parents are willing to pay.</p>

<p>So that others can give knowledgeable advice, I'm pasting below info you posted elsewhere:</p>

<p>"I'm trying for:
Georgetown University
Southern Illinois University Edwardsville
George Washington University</p>

<p>92.5/100</p>

<p>GPA: 3.4- 3.5
ACT: 27
e- 26
m-22
R-31
s-27</p>

<p>DECA 10-12 executive board 11-12
BAnD 6-12 Front Ensemble captain 12
Tennis 6-12
FBLA 9-10;12 Class treasurer 9
4-H 4-12 County Reporter 9
Student council 9-12 Executive Board 12
Boy's State 2008
Upward Bound 9-12
25 and above club 11-12</p>

<p>Community service:
400+ in one nursing home
8 hours cleaning another
40+ with 4-H</p>

<p>Awards:
Upward Bound:
2006 Spanish 1 award
2007 Geometry Award
2008 College Algebra Award
2008 Perfect attendance Award
2008 Most Studious
Who's Who Among American High School Students 2006
Honor roll Freshman 2nd 9 weeks; 3 &4 9 weeks of Junior year; 1st and 2nd 9 weeks of senior year"</p>

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<p>I think the great thing about going to college, for me, was that I was able to distance myself from my parents and become a little more independent. I feel like I have really developed more as an individual. </p>

<p>However, that being said, I am very far away from home, and I was 100 percent sure that I was ready to go and explore life. Not everyone adjusts well to their first year of college; I've been getting sick a lot because of the new environment/lifestyle.</p>

<p>In your case, I would say that it would be safe to find some colleges that are still pretty close to home, or even take a gap year. When you are 100 percent sure you are ready, go ahead and transfer.</p>

<p>Again, it's really up to you, and how you think you would do in a different environment. Good luck!</p>

7

<p>I'm a senior. I know my parent's would kill me if i took a gap year seeing as I started applying in like my SOphomore year. and I have absolutely no idea what americorps is (could you maybe explain?). The whole ADHD thing is under control according to my mom. They found it out in my Freshman year and I put it down to expain my lower grades in my freshman year. </p>

<p>PS the person who told me to post here was right ya'll are chock full of useful ideas =D</p>

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<p>AmeriCorps.gov</a> > What Is AmeriCorps?</p>

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<p>First, my condolences on your loss.</p>

<p>It seems to me that you should add at least one school that falls between GWU and the state u, both geographically and in terms of selectivity. I'm wondering why you selected that particular state u, since it isn't instate for you. Like NSM, I'm also wondering about your need for FA.</p>

10

<p>tisaak - My condolences on the loss of your brother. It's normal for family life to be unsettled after a family tragedy, perhaps more so for your family. </p>

<p>I can see value in both sides of your quandary. Our D contracted a serious disease at a college 1500 miles from our home. That experience was very stressful for everyone. But I've seen cases where moving away was essential therapy for getting over deaths of family members.</p>

<p>I think this is one situation where you may want keep your options open, and defer your decision as long as possible. Good luck.</p>

11

<p>Tisaak- I'm so sorry about your brother. You must be having a difficult time this first holiday season without him. </p>

<p>Like the other posters, I suggest you apply to some more schools: another safety that's also a financial safety, and one or two schools on the same selectivity level as GWU. Is there a school about as selective as GWU, but closer to home, that appeals to you? Have you considered Rhodes?</p>

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<p>0_0 I forgot about Rhodes!!! gosh and it's like an hour from me and like 20 minutes from my dad!!! maybe I should try there for at least undergraduate!!!!!! WOW!!!!!.......WOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!</p>

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<p>and am I allowed to do the americorps thing since i'm only 17?</p>

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<p>Many AmeriCorps programs require you to be 18 but some, like the City Year program, will let you in at 17.</p>

15

<p>S, 20, who has ADD, did Americorps for a year after high school, then went to college. He had an excellent experience with it: lots of responsibility, skills training in things like grant writing, volunteer management (imagine being just 18 yet supervising adults far older than you!), public speaking, etc.</p>

<p>In college, he has maturely handled situations that are difficult for many college students; having a roommate who was a partier and slob; handling his time management well; embracing all of the productive aspects of college -- from the coursework to extracurriculars that interested him.</p>

<p>"AmeriCorps is an opportunity to make a big difference in your life and in the lives of those around you. It’s a chance to apply your skills and ideals toward helping others and meeting critical needs in the community.</p>

<p>Each year, AmeriCorps offers 75,000 opportunities for adults of all ages and backgrounds to serve through a network of partnerships with local and national nonprofit groups. Whether your service makes a community safer, gives a child a second chance, or helps protect the environment, you’ll be getting things done through AmeriCorps!</p>

<p>AmeriCorps members address critical needs in communities all across America. As an AmeriCorps member, you can:</p>

<p>Tutor and mentor disadvantaged youth
Fight illiteracy
Improve health services
Build affordable housing
Teach computer skills
Clean parks and streams
Manage or operate after-school programs
Help communities respond to disasters
Build organizational capacity
Benefits of Service</p>

<p>As an AmeriCorps member, you’ll gain new skills and experiences—and you’ll also find the tremendous satisfaction that comes from helping others. In addition, full-time members who complete their service earn a Segal AmeriCorps Education Award of $4,725 to pay for college, graduate school, or to pay back qualified student loans; members who serve part-time receive a partial Award. Some AmeriCorps members may also receive a modest living allowance during their term of service.:
AmeriCorps.gov</a> > What Is AmeriCorps?</p>

16

<p>can you be in college and do the whole americorps thing?</p>