...Help

Parents Forum
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<p>Well - I hate doing this, but I don't think I really have much of a choice. I used to go to College Life for this, but I get the sense that parents might be a tad bit more wise than other college counterparts. </p>

<p>I started this thread: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/810323-sigh-college-sigh.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/810323-sigh-college-sigh.html&lt;/a> a while back. Which should fill you in on whats been going on with me.</p>

<p>Long story short, I am really trying my best in college. I am doing everything I can possibly do to succeed. I go to office hours, sit in the front, go the extra mile and do extra problems in the text...etc. etc. No - don't blame my high school as so many people I see keep pointing out, it was great and almost every student is currently a straight A student in college.</p>

<p>My family has not been doing too great and that has in addition been weighing down on me. Coming back for Thanksgiving, my parents, particularly my mother, are depressed. My brother, who just struggled for 10 years to get his degree cannot find a job and has disabilities that prevent him from acting normally.</p>

<p>Finances are not doing well either, which is why I am assuming my parents are depressed. Unfortunately they won't speak a word to me over this issue, I just get the general understanding that my parents are having difficulties as my college fund is basically their retirement fund, since a large portion of my college fund was put into the stock market - which has obviously not been doing well due to the recession...</p>

<p>Personally, my life seems to be crumbling away at college. I keep trying to use resources around me to get better, but every time I go to see one center, they keep telling me to go elsewhere. Its hard enough to get out the door and to even ask for help... </p>

<p>When they do help, they keep pointing out my disabilities. I have learning disabilities, which I have known for some time now. I work excruciatingly hard to deal and manage with it. I do not medicate - though I keep being told that it would help... I only ask for some accommodations so that I can deal better, but they are making me run laps around the campus, when I am struggling to understand material for school.</p>

<p>Honestly, its not that I didn't expect something like this to happen, but I had hoped that I was wrong and everything would work out. I am not where I want to be in college. I wanted to join clubs and activities and eventually gain leadership positions. Make new friends and explore the world. Now all I do with my time is study and worry about the future. I wanted to get into my BS/MS program and from there earn an MBA from an ivy, at this point that seems like a mere dream. Maybe its unreasonable for me to want so much when I have disadvantages...</p>

<p>Having to juggle this many problems right now is difficult. It makes me scared, confused and obviously worried. I don't even know what someone could say to help now, I think I am merely posting to vent out my problems. But, if you bothered to read this - thank you.</p>

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<p>“I have learning disabilities, which I have known for some time now. I work excruciatingly hard to deal and manage with it. I do not medicate - though I keep being told that it would help…”</p>

<p>And you have not followed this advice because?</p>

<p>Powering through with your specific diagnosis might be just as dumb an idea as trying to control Type 1 diabetes with diet alone. Talk to your medical advisors again about this one, and figure out a way to give medication a trial run. It may indeed change your life.</p>

<p>The other suggestion that I have is to get your hands on information on Culture Shock. My favorite book is “The Art of Crossing Cultures” by Craig Storti. Leaving home, friends, and the HS environment you are accustomed to for a college/university is tough. In some ways it is even worse than moving to a different country, because you go into the situation thinking that you already know everything you need to know about the new environment.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>

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<p>I don’t medicate because I don’t believe in medication… The sheer amount that I was prescribed was just ridiculous. I don’t believe it is essential. I am going to see a psychiatrist soon and hopefully his diagnosis will not be as bad as it had been before.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry you are having such difficulties. But I think many parents will be reluctant to offer advice when you reveal that you have summarily rejected recommendations to try medication because you don’t “believe” in it. Medicine is a matter of science, not belief. Given your struggles and unhappiness (and what may turn out to be clinical depression), it is foolish of you not to try every possible solution. You can always stop taking medication, but you’ll never know if it will be helpful if you don’t try it (and that can mean experimenting with a number of different meds or combination of meds to find relief). </p>

<p>I don’t understand why accommodations for your learning disabilities weren’t established before you arrived at school and why you seem to be at odds with your college on this subject–can you clarify, so advice here can be better targeted?</p>

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<p>Well - initially - I wanted to try the normal way. I had accommodations in high school and I feel they only set me back and I didn’t learn how to deal with my problems head on. I felt that I was more mature, I needed to understand how to deal with them so that I could be more prepared. But as the semester moved on, I started to worry that it wouldn’t be worth it to start in my transition period…</p>

<p>In terms of accommodations, I was offered extra time and a selected testing environment, so I have to have testing to prove my disabilities because they were never formally documented. I guess I am just most confused whether or not this is the right way. I suppose taking medication is another option, but my entire family will and has been strongly against it.</p>

<p>I guess I have a lot of advice already, but I guess I am just looking for someone who might have been in my shoes before. If no one responds I would be OK, I needed to get a lot of that out anyways after being frustrated for finals. I am just hoping that everything works out OK.</p>

6

<p>You know, I’m not exactly in your shoes but I empathize with your position. My son was diagnosed with ADHD a while back and I felt like the entire world was against my decision to keep him off medication. All of the “experts” around me… his teacher, doctor and my psychiatrist were all ready to jack him up and I refused. </p>

<p>I believe to this day that I made the right decision because whether I like it or not, my son was meant to face the trials he faces the way he was brought in to the world. Yes, medical technology helps and I use it when it’s necessary but I don’t like using it unless I have to and I definitely wouldn’t change what nature intended for either of us. I choose to help him cope in different ways.</p>

<p>To answer your posting, I believe the same applies for you too. You have been presented with certain trials that cause you to work harder than others without your disability. Even though this makes life harder for you in the present, it also means that you deserve your success that much more. I’m a big believer in finding a way and it sounds like you have the will for it. There has to be an answer for you somewhere and with the internet your resources are almost limitless! </p>

<p>I hope that you are able to find the answers you are looking for. Times are hard for many and I’m no stranger to worrisome nights. The best thing that I do when I’m depressed and miserable is to count my blessings. That might sound corny but I believe in the movie “The Secret” and what it says about staying grateful. I’ve found that when I appreciate the things I do have, room for more finds its way in to my life. Good luck to you.</p>

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<p>“Personally, my life seems to be crumbling away at college. I keep trying to use resources around me to get better, but every time I go to see one center, they keep telling me to go elsewhere. Its hard enough to get out the door and to even ask for help…”</p>

<p>I can definitely empathize with THIS. </p>

<p>It’s so hard to try and put your problems into words, and then have the courage to tell someone. You don’t know exactly what to say or where to go, and you’re hoping that the people whose job it is to help you can guide you someplace positive. And then what do they do?</p>

<p>“Have you tried learning assistance/tutoring?” - Counseling center
“Have you gone to the counseling center?” - Learning assistance
“Our wait list is too long to get you in for months. Try the health center” - counseling center
“And my favorite: What exactly do you want from us?” - Counseling center (your HELP!!! YOUR EXPERTISE MAYBE?)
All the health center has? Tests for medication. </p>

<p>It seems like when you’ve finally mustered up the courage to try and talk to someone, nobody is interested in helping you. Plus, you ask where you can go/what you can do for help, and they shoot the question right back at you (“what do you want us to do”). It’s laughable almost. </p>

<p>Despite all of these degrees in psychology and all of this you hear about cognitive behavioral crap and whatever else, at a university they just don’t know what to do with you. It’s no wonder suicide rates/etc. are so high. If medication isn’t the answer, they don’t have time for you.</p>

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<p>There’s several things that might help:

  1. Get thee to a pharmacist. Alas, too many doctors aren’t up to date on medicines or their side effects or the alternatives. Find somebody who has the time to really talk to you about the meds that may be suitable to help you. You may have to make up a list, leave it with the pharmacist and then come back later but there are some amazing pharmacists out there who have tons of knowledge and experience. </p>

<p>Sometimes there are herbals or diets that can make a difference. Be careful and do your research (hemlock is herbal after all . . .) but don’t discount that a diet defiency can really affect your well being and ability to focus. One of our sons has been helped by the addition of fish oil in his diet. Careful use of caffeine can help him get some tasks done. </p>

<p>2) Life has some 50% options. You may be happier working some – either part time or full time for a semester or a year. Look for an internship that puts you into a professional setting (even if it is, say, plumbing or print making instead of Big 8 accounting). I write that because that can put you in and around professionals and give you insights on just what in college learning is important. You can also pick up skills in which you can have justifiable pride. </p>

<p>3) I can heartily hear you on the vast amounts of time that can be wasted drifting around the health care centers. I, too, have a disability. I find I do better if I research stuff myself on line and then come up with my own plan of action on what I want to try next. I DO make use of health care avenues but I work hard not to let that suck up too much time and energy. Exercise, proper diet, attention to getting quality sleep are things that I can do everyday and that helps – once in awhile something in the health care systems adds an improvement but I sure don’t look to it to solve much. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>