My daughter filled out the questionnaire regarding a roommate honestly and was paired with another boarder with completely different habits. She is really messy ( piles of clothes on the floor, drawers opening up and spilling out with stuff, used paper cups and bottles, wrappers left for days on her desk), studies late into the night beyond lights out and takes calls and speaks loudly into the phone at 12:30 am. Of course, my daughter has spoken to the girl with offers of helping her get organized, bought a sleep mask to prevent the lights from keeping her awake after 11:00 and she’s even spoken with their advisor for tips at resolving the issue. At this point it doesn’t seem as if the advisor is going to do anything to intervene. We’re now two months into school and my daughter is being affected negatively. I think she’s made an effort to be a good roommate. We’ve told her time & time again that this is a learning experience where she can learn to compromise and negotiate. However, I think it’s now beyond that. She no longer interacts with the roommate if it’s not necessary. Only half the room is walkable and the roommate comes over to her side to use the mirror etc since she can’t get close to her side of the dressing area. She seems clueless. What can I do? Can I demand ( from whom?, the dorm mother?) that there’s a roommate switch, that this girls perhaps needs her own room?
I am terrified that my daughter will the messy roommate that no-one can stand to live with. I plan on making sure she is a suite with her own bedroom and not sharing. As far as advice - I think she needs to be direct with the roommate and tell her. My child is really really messy and is totally fine with it , but she also cares a lot about what others think about her. If her roommate said in nice way , " its not okay, I really have a hard time sharing this space, it really bothers and upsets me etc". while it might sting at first , and internally she might try to minimize it, that may be last step before transferring rooms
Has she had a 2nd conversation with the advisor? I would have her go there and say “I have tried what you suggested but it is just getting worse” and see what the recommendation is. This is prep school, right? I think you can stlll step in as the mom and go to the dorm mother and let her know what is going on. The dorm mom has probably seen it all before can can help. Good luck.
Co-existing might be the best she can hope for, and it sounds like they are doing that now.
There is a possibility that if the dorm parent knows what’s going on that a mandatory cleaning session will turn up on the schedule. Of course, it may not, but you never know…
I don’t get why the school isn’t enforcing rules more effectively. I think it’s time for you to step in and advocate for your daughter.
And just wait until college, where the messy, noisy roommate is also a binge drinker!
GolfKiddo had this issue with sports equipment everywhere…Did you ask to change rooms? What did they say? Agree with @twinsmama and @gardenstategal to get dorm parent involved
Thank you for all your comments. After a meeting last week with the advisor I found out the dorm mother has spoken to the roommate and they have suggested that the roommate sort through all the stuff and bring or send home what’s not being used. At this point it seems it is a “wait and see” game and hopefully things improve. My daughter does not want to make this a bigger issue at all because they’re going to be together in some form over the next few years.
Growth experience - there will be many issues to deal with at BS - but happy to hear that the dorm parent has been involved and made an effort to speak to the roommate.