I traveled with D1 to get her settled for her semester in Helsinki. More because I wanted to visit her there, and that was the best time weather wise. But in retrospect I am glad I went then. She wasn’t on an exchange program, had direct enrolled in the university for a semester. Had sublet a studio apartment that turned out to be in a sketchy neighborhood (well, sketchy for Helsinki 
) I helped her with phone, Internet, banking, and a complexity that came up with the university registration. It was complicated even for an experienced adult.
Like Ballerina,
My son was moving into temporary room for a week. Only one suitcase was opened, with linens and clothes for a week, toiletries. There were multiple sign-ins, e.g. Which orientation, bank. It was helpful to have 2 of us to find buildings. We explored the campus. I was really happy to be there.
Dad here. Wild horses couldn’t keep me from making that trip!
To big an accomplishment for your daughter, to important a transition not to be there.
I’m can’t imagine not going. We are treating it like a mini family vacation- flying in on Saturday, exploring the area on Sunday and moving him in on Monday. Then we leave him Tuesday, heading in different directions since the youngest wants to visit a college on that coast and DH does the college tour thing. I will fly home alone, probably a sobbing mess.
I haven’t gone to any of my kids move-ins (4 so far)–mostly because of the distance/expense/inconvenience- -younger sibs starting school at home at the same time, work schedules, etc. Our first S had a flight and long shuttle ride. H dropped him at the airport curb with only his laptop and carryon. We mailed his bedding and winter clothes. S didn’t have a cell phone (10 years ago) and he never called us to let us know he’d arrived. After a few days I called the school to check! H went to the next move-in, I think (not quite sure about that)–about an 8hr drive. The next 2 had an older sib at nearby/same college who traveled with them, so neither parent went. TBH, I’m probably not the person my kids want around in this situation, so I spared them my anxiety/negative vibes. If any of my younger kids goes to a nearby college, I wouldn’t mind helping with move-in. I have gone to 3 final move outs/graduations so far, and hope to make it to all of those.
My parents left me to my own devices when I went off to college, 5 hour drive away. I’ve held a grudge for 30 years I guess. Still think about it.
I am with @GreatKid: I would not miss it for anything. When we dropped D1 off, we spent a day and a half sightseeing and running the usual errands. Much of the time is a blur, but I do remember what happened when we walked back to D1’s dorm to say goodbye. When my turn came, D1 turned to me with a stern look and said, Dad, I have never seen a grown many cry and I don’t want to start now.” Years later, I smile every time I remember that line.
Later this year, D2 will head across the country to start her Ph.D. studies. She wants to bring her car with her, so DW suggested a family road trip. The upshot is that the three of us will take a couple of weeks to drive across the country. D2 does not need any help moving in, but we could not pass up this opportunity. I cannot wait.
We’re going a few days early to pick up things from stores and to do some vacationing as a family. But D’s school also has two days of activities for parents at the beginning of orientation, including a moving “parting ceremony”. We’re fortunate that we have an Alaska Airlines CC where we get one RT for a little more than $100 per year, 1 free checked bag each, so that the trip will be affordable and do double-duty to get D’s clothes and such to school. But even if that wasn’t the case, at least one of us would be going.
I had pretty much the same experience OP’s H did. My parents did drive me up to college freshman year, but basically dropped me at the curb of my dorm with my bags. Ok, I think they might have carried a suitcase up, but then it was cya later and they were gone.
That said, for my D I was perfectly willing to go with whatever she wanted. And she wanted both W and I to drop her off and help her move in. In fact we stayed for a few extra days after move-in (classes didn’t officially start for several days) and D actually stayed in our hotel with us until we left. I thought it was strange, but it turned out that four of her five roommates did the same with their families! So oddly enough the dorm room was all moved-in but nobody actually lived there for a few days. Must be a girl thing - I noticed the guys in the dorm all moved in and immediately hit the basketball courts or PlayStation.
Anyway, I support the OP going with her D. But if her H doesn’t want to go, let him stay home. Better that than have him there all grumpy to ruin the experience for everybody.
I couldnt imagine not going. My son is also very independent but that didn’t stop us. After we got everything set up we took him to lunch and then he said ok ho home 
of course I was crying as we were leaving, but I could see my son walking away and smiling that he was about to begin his journey! Would not have missed it! I would advise you to go!
I wouldn’t have missed the move in for anything. It gave me great peace of mind to know my son was comfortable and OK. When we talk I can imagine him in his dorm room.
By helping him move in I can honestly say it has made the transition for me easier as I worry less.
It’s fine either way, imho. A person can make that personal choice.
My parents didn’t take me or my sister. Too far, too expensive, too many younger siblings. I did take both my kids. With the first one, there were quite a few issues with housing and getting stuff from the Target. She could have/ would have had to deal with those things, but I was glad I was there to do it. Also, she was 17 so there were some forms I had to sign for her. Other daughter, a few weeks later, I also took. She moved in a few days early because she signed up for an orientation trip, and she started feeling sick as we were moving in so I just got the things into the room, made a trip to Walmart and left.
It can be anything you want it to be, lots of fun or not, lots of parental help or not.
From my experiences, colleges usually have well orchestrated move-in days. We went to them to help out (including making sure financial and banking matters were settled), and it was worthwhile, but the colleges didn’t want the parents around by mid-afternoon. They organized events in such a way as to separate parents from students, after a convocation of some kind (that was the “separation method” at both UChicago and RISD). The signal was clear: the students had to attend a “meeting” in their dorm (or wherever) and had other events stretching into the evening, and the parents weren’t invited.
However, returning for the first “parents’ weekend” a couple of months later was very useful. This was a good time to take the kid shopping – perhaps for some clothing but mostly for the dorm room. Be forewarned, however, that in some of the smaller college towns and smaller cities getting hotel nearby can be very difficult for parents’ weekend. Book early!
I would not have missed the opportunity to walk my D into the next chapter of her life. It means a lot to our children too.
Re read post #15, MOD said everything I would have said only better.
Best wishes to your family, it’s an exciting, overwhelming and wonderful season in your family!
I did it twice with my two sons. My husband was traveling on business and could not make it. With the first son, it was about a 12-hour drive. He was glad that I helped him set up his room. And he had way too much stuff! With the second son, we sent some of his things to his roommate’s home, as his roommate lived 20 minutes from the campus. We decided to fly into town, because of a time crunch. Again, it worked out well. I assisted him in hanging up some clothing and making his bed. We went to lunch before I left to come home.
Enjoy the experience.
I moved my oldest son into his first year dorm-- in Glasgow, Scotland! There was NO way I was going to miss that day. Plus, because of luggage costs/restrictions, we had to buy most of the items he needed once we got to Scotland. There was no food plan, so he had to cook for himself right off-the-bat, so a lot of what we bought were kitchen items and food. Made a nice 8-day vacation out of the trip- I know he was glad to have me there. 2nd son won’t be going to college for a few years, but I’ll be there on that move-in day, too. (It’s a big day in this parent’s life.)
Both my H and I moved in both of our children. In both cases, the morning was spent on loading and unpacking. For my D we discovered a couple missing items so we made a Target run. The rest of the day was spent doing different activities the school had planned — some were for students and parents together, others were separate. Lots of good information. Even if the school didn’t have parent activities planned, I would have been there.
I agree with the others…if it’s important to you (as it was to me), you should be there.
When my D was a freshman, I made the 12 hour drive with her (in her car) and then flew back. She could have done it without me, but it was her first time driving to the campus (or anywhere longer than 3 hours) and both she and I were more comfortable with me going along. She especially liked having my credit card along when we picked up some things she needed once we arrived, and I liked being able to see where she was living and meeting her roommates and their parents. My husband didn’t come because he had to work and had no desire to come, plus there was no room for him in the car. After that first drop-off, my daughter did move-outs and move-ins on her own, but I will never regret going along for that first move-in. It was a good experience for both of us. FWIW, my parents drove me to my college at the beginning of each year and picked me up at the end, as it was only 2 hours from home, I didn’t have a car and the Trailways station was a schlep from campus if you were carrying all of your stuff. Everyone I knew at my school was also moved in by their parents freshman year, so going for my D’s move-in seemed totally normal and expected.
There are different levels:
Don’t go
Go for a day
Go for the weekend
Go more more than a weekend
I think that going for more than a day (time spent with student) is reasonable to think as too much and not going at all should be reserved for difficult financial circumstances, esp. Freshman year.
Why we went:
Assuage Anxiety
Physical help: we had to park across the street and bring stuff over to dorm and up a flight of stairs with minimal help.
Last minute runs for stocking up on food and other stuff
Help carrying books back
Ensuring that stuff is actually put away in dorm!
It is partly for the parents to see the dorm, meet the roommate, say goodbye as well.
However, after Freshman year…then it is more up in the air. My Dad drove me to school freshman year and picked me up Senior year, but in between I flew as it was more cost effective and we could store stuff at school. But I already knew the college and how stuff worked.