Hi, I’m currently a senior in high school and my boyfriend is a freshman in college. We’ve been dating for 2 years and he’s now 4 hours away from me. It’s been just 3 days since he’s been gone and it’s tearing me apart. Our plan is to break up during college but still visit each other every 2 or 3 weeks and text everyday as if it were a normal relationship. He wants to do this because he thinks it will overall make the relationship last instead of it ending badly trying long distance. He feels that he wouldn’t be able to fully live the college experience and if he accidentally does something at a party it could cause fights. By doing it this way he hopes the relationship will have less pressure and we can get back together when I go up to college with him. I agreed to this but I cannot help stressing about the thought of him hooking up with another girl or our relationship slowly dying down until it’s gone. I wish we could stay together but he wouldn’t want to do that because of the pressure. We cried a lot the last week of summer. He kept telling me he wants to see me as much as we can and he wants to communicate everyday. He told me he wants me to come back up to college next year and be together and tie him back down. He told me he was goingg to try really hard in college to make a better life for us in the future and that he’s never loved someone and felt as comfortable by someone than me. When I think about his words it makes me feel confident and he keeps reassuring me he’s not looking for a girlfriend or a hookup, but I can’t help overthinking. I don’t have a good family or many friends so I’m very lonely here without him. I’ve spent the last few days just overthinking and mopping around. Please help. Do you think our relationship will last? What are some things I can do to keep myself busy while we’re apart? And do you think this is a good plan?
That’s called “stringing you along,” and it’s going to prevent you from living your life normally. Horrible idea. Either COMMIT to the relationship or make a clean break so you can both move on. His reasoning was that if he cheats on you, it would cause problems if you were in a relationship? Why is he planning to cheat on you as if it’s a certainty? Why does he think it won’t hurt you if he cheats on you now?
Nobody accidentally does something at a party. Do you accidentally make out with other boys when he’s not around? Probably not.
He has quite the little plan dreamed up, but I can’t imagine why you’d accept it. Once you break up there is no relationship to make “last” and you can’t act as if nothing is different. He plans to date other women and expects you to wait around for him. Why would you do that?
If a man doesn’t want to commit to you, it’s a mistake to treat them as if they have. It’s better to make a clean break now than to let him string you along. If I were you I’d tell him that when you break up, that means you’re broken up. You will no longer be a couple and you won’t be seeing him at all. That leaves you free to date or not as you choose.
This is going to hurt, there’s no getting around that. Don’t put your life on hold until next year. You should both consider dating this year and certainly finding other people you enjoy being with. If you’re “meant to be” you’ll find your way back to each other eventually…
My brother was in the same situation his freshman year of college. They were together for his freshman year, but it wasn’t healthy for him because he was just on Skype all the time. Then she broke up with him when she started college, but they talked it over until winter break and decided to get back together. …Until he broke up with her a few months later.
Anyway, the point is, it sounds like you should end it. If it makes you feel any better, the final breakup I mentioned above happened four years ago, and recently they’ve become friends again! Sometimes things work out in their own way.
As a parent, I would suggest you end it.
It is very common and very normal…he wants to be able to experience college life without cheating on you…so it is in his best interest to break it off.
IF this relationship is “meant to be”, then at some point you will get back together.
When you go off to college, it will be better for you to be “free” so you won’t be tied down…my daughter had a BF from home and used to travel to see him on weekends…and at the end of freshman year he broke up with her because they needed to go in different directions.
She also had a BF who went off to college when she was still in HS…she gave him the gift of not being tied down.
Most of these relationships will falter by Thanksgiving…the term for it is the “Turkey Drop”.
Let him start fresh;let yourself start fresh.
Sounds like he is getting a great deal. Have sex with you when it suits him, plus he gets to have sex with other girls.
Have you heard the term “friends with benefits?”
The other posters are right. If he isn’t willing to be in a relationship then he isn’t going to be. It’s hard, but it would probably be better to break it off.
oh geez don’t do this!! no guy who actually loves his girl would be considering the option of hooking up with other girls at parties. one year of him being away at college isn’t the end of the world and if he can’t be responsible and fully committed then it’s obvious where his intentions & feelings lie. i know it’s hard to hear this, but he isn’t in it for the long run. honestly. anyone who actually loves you would not ask for a break as an excuse to hook up with other girls, he would want to stay faithful. break up with him & know your worth!!! it’s understandable that he wants to “experience college”. the only thing is that you have to realize that to him, experiencing college > this relationship, because it seems like he’s almost expecting/anticipating other hookups already