<p>Hey, I was wondering how difficult it is to maintain a romantic relationship in college with someone you were in a relationship with in high school? Is it better to go to the same school, a close school, or how much does going to a school far a way from your significant other make things harder?</p>
<p>Also, I'm referring to really serious relationships. Me and my boyfriend plan on getting married after college, and we're trying to figure out where we should go to minimize emotional distancing, etc... Is it hard to do? I'm a fortunate situation as far as having my choice of going to a fantastic school that is either the same school, within a few hours, or far away. All of them have my major and I like them all as well, I'm trying to figure out which would be the smartest choice. I've heard before that it's not a good idea to go to the same school, which I understand, as we both want to use college as a venue to really explore and further find ourselves, but we also want to keep out relationship strong. I'm confident that we will be able to stay together, I just want to make it as easy as possible without having it interfering with personal growth.</p>
<p>Do not, under any circumstances, pick a college based on your SO. Just don’t. It is stupid, stupid, stupid. </p>
<p>I was engaged my senior year of high school. We were together until my sophomore year of college when we broke up. Very clean break up and we’re still very good friends. You are both going to grow and change a lot over the next few years. You might grow together, you might grow apart. Either way, it’s perfectly natural and normal. </p>
<p>Yes, it was hard being away from my fiance but we made it work. The distance is not why we broke up.</p>
<p>^ what exactly do you mean? do you mean i should not go to the same school as him?</p>
<p>also, I would never go to a school solely based on where he went. I know that would be a bad decision and he would be upset if I neglected myself in order to do so. However, currently, I like all schools equally. I have an incentive to go to the far away school due to a great scholar program, but that school also has several drawbacks (It’s in a big city and has a lot of students), and it would be very hard to only be able to see him on breaks and vacation. It’s already going to be hard enough not being able to see my family (both my own and his, who I consider to be my family as well) for months at a time, and I’m not sure if I want to sacrifice that with him as well.</p>
<p>With this in mind, all of these universities seem to have the same amount of pros and cons when he is removed from the equation and even if he weren’t involved, I’d be having a really hard time deciding regardless (I’m getting really close to considering a coin toss), so I don’t feel as though letting this matter have weight in my decision is irresponsible.</p>
<p>I’m a strong believer that successful relationships take work to some degree. Obstacles often appear in one parties life that the other has to adjust to. We will make this work. I’ve known him since kindergarten, have been friends with him since the fifth grade, and we have been nearly inseparable for five years now. I just want to know what a good balance is as far as distance. Is it hard to grow when you and your SO go to the same university? Is it best to go to different colleges that are within a few hours train ride away? How hard is it to deal with loneliness and yearning in a long distance relationship?</p>
<p>…there is too much back story really to fully explain how it worked, but yes. I am going to propose to her probably some time by the end of the year and we’ve been apart for 5 years come this August. We started the summer before her junior year (of HS). I had just graduated. I had to take a gap year because I was poor and had to get money to go to college. I spent three years at community college and we are both juniors in college at the moment. We’ve lived in different states since but since 2010 (relationship started in 2008 when she was here for a summer) we’ve visited each other every summer and winter break. She lives a very busy life but we ALWAYS make time together. Except during finals week, really…barely see each other. She’s super busy and in a sorority, but she is not the type of chick who goes out and parties. She’s (art + psychology major), treasurer of her sorority, president of this and that, does this internship, does research for that person, etc. Me? I am just loading up on classes trying to graduate on time (as an applied math/stats major).</p>
<p>I tried to transfer to her school last year (as a physics major, my true passion), but she is at a private school and they only gave me around 22K to attend when I got in when the cost is 40K per year. She was really heartbroken about that. She had begged me all my time in community college (while she was in college) for me to apply to her college and I could not even attend my current university without loans. It’d cost too much to attend hers and my parents were not willing to help me, so I ended up having to stay here for two years. </p>
<p>We are both applying to graduate schools and will be applying to some together. We will probably take the ones that are either the same or closest. Really, I don’t put too much stock in the rankings right now. I need to get my foot in the door since I’m jumping into a different field than I took as an undergraduate and attending the same institution would be fine, but I’d eventually have to move on for a PhD. So at least 2 years together would be better than 5-7 years apart. </p>
<p>Honestly…if I could’ve been with her at her university I would’ve jumped on the chance when I was transferring. I mean, when you know you’re going to be together you know and of course you have to make sure they had a good program before going. Our “lot of time together” has turned into Skype videocalls (live 2000+ miles away). It’ll hold you over. It is always extremely depressing to leave each other after visiting but you get over it.</p>
<p>Just do what you gotta do but considering a coin toss would probably be a bad idea unless you’re deciding between Harvard and Princeton or something…</p>
<p>Though you don’t think it likely, how would you feel if you were to break up? Would you be okay with still going to that school, or would you regret not choosing a different school? If you wouldn’t regret it, I’d say choose the same school as your SO. You don’t have to spend ALL your time together… you will have ample opportunity to do things apart too. But long distance relationships are really painful…</p>
<p>@tipa891: I spent my first year OOS (first sem in a diff country, second sem across the country). We made it work. LDR is hard but it’s really one of those “ultimate relationship tests” to see how well and how much you guys really want to be together. And if you get through it, it is WELL worth it every time you guys meet up. You’re forced to socialize in LDRs because well, your s/o does not go there with you so I was really forced to go out instead of skyping all day with him (plus, we were in opposite time zones so this got hard). And this – joining clubs, going out, making new friends – really occupies your time as you transition into college making the yearning a little easier to deal with. Of course you’ll miss him but the best thing about LDR is the feeling you get when you do see your s/o again.</p>
<p>As for OT question, definitely do not pick your college based on your s/o. Just do NOT. College changes people, guaranteed, and how that changes you and how it’ll affect your relationship is unpredictable. I think what another poster said sums this up perfectly: “You might grow together, you might grow apart.”</p>
<p>To be honest I wish I had spent less time in college on relationships. I should have dumped my high school boyfriend before going to college instead of doing LDR. Being LDR can really put a damper on trying to start a new life because all you can think about is your old one with your SO. I was with my high school boyfriend until the summer of my sophomore year of college. I believe I would have enjoyed those two college years more single. When LDR you don’t go out as much because you want to be in your room every night talking to your SO. You are always flying/driving home to visit said SO… Ugh. It really makes it harder to gain meaningful relationships and be involved on campus.</p>
<p>My ex was a fine person, but the person I dated at 17 was NOT for me by age 20. Also, all my friends who tried to maintain their high school relationship into college eventually ended up breaking up. Every single person. Even those who were engaged.</p>
<p>But the bottom line is this… I personally believe it’s way easier, more fun and you will be happier to not be LDR while in college. Seriously. But I don’t expect anyone to listen. Love makes you do crazy things! :)</p>
<p>Well, I recently got back from Dartmouth and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! so it looks like we’re going to the same school regardless of our relationship lol</p>
<p>I feel like this will be great for us, since there’s plenty of activities for us to get involved in away from each other and we’ll be living apart for freshman year. Also, if we stay strong and together, I know they have gender neutral apartment housing for upperclassmen, and even if we don’t, our policy has always been we are best friends first so we’ll probably do it anyway lol. Thanks for all the advice guys!</p>
<p>I married my high school sweetheart 6 months ago. We met in my freshman and his sophomore year of high school, so by the time we got to college, we were serious. I also know another serious couple from high school that starting dating about a year after us who just got married recently. I should mention here that he’s celebrating his 10-year high school reunion this year, and the rest of us next year. We just celebrated 12 years together.</p>
<p>We went to college across the street from each other (it’s a consortium much like the Five Colleges or Claremont Colleges), but we chose those colleges because they were the best colleges for us. I’m not sure that we would’ve stayed together had we gone far away from each other to school, but my two friends from high school who married each other went to different colleges in different states (one went to Georgia Southern and the other went to Mississippi State).</p>
<p>So don’t pick a college based on your boyfriend, but pick one where you can thrive and be happy. Then try to maintain the relationship, but not to the point where it makes you unhappy. It’s not a bad idea to go to the same school, it’s only a bad idea to go just for your boyfriend (and not because you would be really happy there).</p>
<p>Also, even if Dartmouth has gender-neutral housing, please don’t live with your boyfriend in the residence halls. Even if you two are ROCK SOLID. My boyfriend and I broke up after 5 years together, and even though we got back together, it was UGLY for a while. I couldn’t think about him without crying for a few months. Here at my university I work in res life and we have gender-neutral housing, and we always get some couples who live together and break up halfway through the year. They have a hard time switching housing sometimes because we have limited singles, and it’s just a mess all around. Living together is also very hard, harder than you think, so I suggest moving together after college.</p>
<p>Not that it’s really here nor there, but I’ve found living with my partner to be incredibly easy. We’ve lived together for two years and have had really no issues. </p>
<p>That said, I don’t recommend living together until your third year. Just gives you time to create friend groups.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the school and the social environment of each person. I’m at a small school where there are lots of complaints about… er… how attractive the opposite sex is. Therefore, it is very easy for someone in a relationship back home to stay in one long distance. It would be harder at a bigger party-heavy school where there are more options and opportunities.</p>