<p>Our S is weeks away from graduating and already accepted at several colleges, has narrowed the list down to two. He is ADD, inattentive type, and has had his ups and downs, but until recently he seemed to be on track. However the past few weeks have been terrible, suddenly he is flunking almost everything and just the other day my wife discovered he hasn't been taking his meds, they were hidden in a drawer. We try to talk to him about it and all we get are "I don't know" or "I just don't feel like" studying, taking meds, etcetera. We have urged him for a long time to get coaching for his ADD, which he refuses. We are of course worried that his college acceptances might be withdrawn, but more important we wonder if he might be unconsciously sending a signal that he is not ready for college. He does seem quite immature to us, although we haven't said this to him directly. We did talk to him several months ago about considering a gap year and brought it up again recently, but he says he doesn't want to.
Wondering if any others have gone through this, and if you have any advice.</p>
<p>Very similar to our situation. D has ADD-inattentive, takes meds. It has been a slow downward spiral this semester and she can’t get out of it. She knows the work but hasn’t turned in several assignments resulting in two F’s (both a fraction away from a D-), and today I noticed a drop in another class from C to C-. She was planning on going away to college, but changed her mind around April 1 and decided to attend our local community college (which is fine with me, and thank goodness she wants to attend community college because she would not meet the final grade requirements for the colleges she was accepted to). I do not feel she is ready to handle everything involved with living away from home and neither does she. Attending community college is buying her two more years to mature and get organizational skills under control. </p>
<p>I have a call in to her guidance counselor to discuss her grades and graduation. D insists she’s turned in all/most of her “missing” assignments and that the teacher hasn’t entered her grades (for 6 weeks???) and that her grades will go up. I’m afraid that’s wishful thinking. </p>
<p>Sometimes I’ve wondered if this is D’s way of saying she wasn’t ready to go away to college, other times I just think her lack of organizational skills has caused her to “crash”. I’ve suggested hiring an organizer who works with those with ADD. D’s resistant to the idea, but has agreed to work with the person, but prefers not to have help at all. </p>
<p>Moving forward, I plan to help her get the high school situation under control (whether it’s seeing that she makes up the work or having to take summer classes), hiring an organizer, and strongly encouraging D to take no more than 4 classes at community college). </p>
<p>Your son might be sending a message that he’s just not ready to handle going away to college (have you talked to him about it recently?) Also, is it possible that your son is depressed? Does your son see a doctor regarding his ADD? Perhaps he can speak with him regarding his schoolwork and readiness to go away to school.</p>
<p>As a simple observation of your analysis techniques, it may be prudent for you to look into other factors of why they might be affected. First off, let’s not forget that the vast majority of ADHD and ADD cases are false as confirmed and proven by many many many many medical professionals over the years. Usually the school insists on something because of a social or development immaturity or disorder and then the medication becomes something that you become dependent on and which affects you through chemical disruption. While that’s not the case for everyone, it’s something to seriously consider if you don’t have a sworn-medical statement from multiple sources of counseling.</p>
<p>That being said, if they are legitimate it is true they could be affecting their grades, but it could be tension, anxiety of having to move away and leave their friends, loss of girlfriend or relationships, lack of finances, worry of preparedness, social issues at school, family problems at home… and numerous other factors. The mere blame of ADHD for the issues is quite improper.</p>
<p>He may be sending a message, as you suggested. He may also have severe senioritis and not realize that his admissions can be rescinded. </p>
<p>How about putting the ball in his court, along the lines of “we suggest a gap year, but the ball is in your court. You have a slot at ____ college, but colleges can and do check to see if seniors keep up their grades. You are currently on a path to get your admission rescinded, though you do still have time to start taking your meds and turn it around. Whichever way it goes, you will ultimately be fine and it will be the right path for you.”</p>
<p>I’m also wondering if your son needs to see the effect of not taking his meds. As tempting as it is for parents to monitor the meds, it does need to be in their court because you’re not going to show up at the dorm every day to have him take them. You are doing the right thing making him responsible for them.</p>
<p>I’m a parent of a kid with ADD mixed plus anxiety who is just finishing up a gap year–and it’s the best decision we made. She clearly wasn’t ready for college yet a year ago. I’m still not sure how things will go in the fall–but MUCH better than if she hadn’t taken the year. If it helps, her resistance to a gap year was because “everyone” goes straight on to college and it seemed like a failure. If you know of anyone else who has done a gap year who can speak to your son, that might be helpful. Taking the time off ahead of time is much much less traumatic than crashing and burning your first year of college.</p>
<p>If your son is amenable to a constructive gap year, I’d pursue it. Maybe he can spend the time in experiences that will help his life skills, organizational skills, and just give his brain time to mature.</p>
<p>We would have done this for our dd, but she was adamant about going away to college. She’s had a difficult year.</p>