<p>Well, honestly I don't know what to do with our son. Our son had the last year to pick schools, he filled out a couple of app's but it's now apparent he didn't look at the curriculum of the programs. He has shown no interest in visiting the schools, no interest in getting a job to help pay for his plans, really no interest in helping himself other than to say he's going to college next year..... I have never seen anything comparable to what we are going through. It's killing me to watch..... What is going on? He refuses to apply to any additional schools that would offer him merit and a program that might be more in line with what he's looking for.</p>
<p>I just can't let it go, why is he doing this?</p>
<p>Mauiluver – has he been accepted anywhere? Perhaps he should enroll and then take a gap year to figure it out. Teens often have difficulty articulating exactly what the issue is. Perhaps he’s not ready to leave home. Is he open to change? Or maybe something else is going on. Is there a girlfriend in the picture? Is he struggling with depression?</p>
<p>Is there a trusted adult who he can speak with?</p>
<p>He filled out the apps, has he been accepted somewhere you can afford to send him? If so, is that where he thinks he’s going? If so, then what exactly is the problem and I don’t mean that in a snarky way…for some kids it’s not a big emotional deal. The bottom line is if he is accepted somewhere you can afford and he’s willing to attend.</p>
<p>I have seen this in alot of D’s guy friends. I agree with momofthreeboys. Sometimes kids get more anxious thinking about it too much. The Val of D2’s class could have gone anywhere- only applied to one state school and is doing fine. He never looked excited.</p>
<p>I will say DS has always been resistant to change, we didn’t know or realize it until perhaps a few years ago. He applied to one school (wrong program) got accepted, but there’s no way to pay for that school nor would I want to, the major is one you could find at any tech 2 year school. He applied to another school in Chicago (the right program), my feeling is the fit could be off, but he did get in and it is more affordable, but I would like to see some effort from him in regards to working to help pay for the school but he has said several times he doesn’t want to go to Chicago. That’s it for acceptances… like I said he only put in a couple of applications and refuses to put in more… And he is adamantly against a gap year…</p>
<p>I think he is depressed or something? I want to shake him, tell him to wake up, it makes me very sad to watch… He is talking with a counselor but it’s not helping at all.</p>
<p>Maui – He seems to have these choices: Go to school in Chicago, take a gap year, enroll in a local CC or apply to other schools with rolling admissions.
If he accepts the school in Chicago, he can take a gap year and get his head together.</p>
<p>Is the major he is interested in unusual? If not, perhaps he wants to go to college but be near home - is there a college that is commutable distance? Or perhaps he wants to do something other than college? My dear friend has a son and a daughter who both went into trades although both my friend and her husband are college educated. Neither kid blurted out the truth until a couple weeks before they were to leave for college! It happened to them TWO times! Both are in the late twenties and doing great in their trades. Is it possible your son has something other than college in mind and is AFRAID to tell you? So many parents these days just expect their kids to go to college after high school.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys, nothing unusual, biology with an emphasis towards medicine. He’s a really strong student in the math and sciences, every other topic however, he just gets by (so his GPA does not reflect his SAT’s)… We’ve asked about a hundred times if he wants to do a trade, or the military of something else… all we get is he wants to go to college, no gap year, but when the rubber hit the road he didn’t apply to the right program and then he apparently applied to a school in a city he doesn’t want to go to. I booked a flight to Chicago, I’m hopeful he will change his mind or open his mind. He seems completely frozen, overwhelmed with the decisions that face him. I think if he were to start an appropriate program tomorrow he would likely thrive, but it’s getting from here to there when he won’t do a darn thing to help himself. There are a few rolling admissions schools I think he should apply to but he’s absolutely refusing. There aren’t any colleges he could commute to from where we are, so that is out… Whatever is holding him back I wish he would just blurt it out…</p>
<p>Fear of the unknown? Fear of making the wrong decision? It’s difficult to know what one wants to do for a career when they haven’t done it yet, yet they have to pick majors based on this unknown. ADHD - inattentive type? Fear of change? Some kids don’t really care a out “fit”. After all, most went to HS without concern a out fit. So he’ll probably be just fine, even if you don’t think the “fit” is perfect. Why not just have him apply to large state u? There will be plenty of majors to choose from and many personality options to befriend. Other thoughts - S says that moms just hyper analyze everything and it will work out good enough, so maybe a gender thing? Lastly, maybe he needs guidance and advice on how to go about looking at different schools and the other things that you are requesting.</p>
<p>I guess I would just tell him that you don’t need to major in a science to go to med school and that the only decision facing him is where he might go to college. I might tell him he doesn’t need to go to a college that requires he apply to a program or even declare his major until he’s a sophomore. You are correct and it’s possible that he is paralyzed because he thinks he is supposed to have everything figured out right now and it’s simply NOT the truth. Most kids really have no idea. Can you get a region of the country out of him or a big/small? If you know his friends well, maybe take one of them aside and ask if they have any idea what your son is thinking about. If he is a senior and thinking about heading to college in the summer really his GPA and SATs are diminishing in importance and what will be more important is to find a college where one or the other fits that is still taking applications or waiting until spring to see which college still have seats left to fill…the selectivity factor goes down rapidly at that point as the colleges have space to fill but it also can sting if money is a factor. Has he met with his guidance counselor recently, that person might be able to sort out whatever the issues might be.</p>
<p>Some of Ds friends are in similar positions. We are just lucky to have a number of solid colleges in commuting distance. Most of her friends that are ambivalent on college choose that route. I think the decision making alone is overwhelming. Maybe he just needs to hear if it doesn’t work out he can always transfer. My D has expressed how overwhelmed she feels about choosing where to attend next year. I have bad to remind her she isn’t writing her life in permanent ink. She is simply choosing where to spend a semester if college. Hopefully she loves her choice and it becomes 4 years.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to go to Chicago that will seal that deal. It sounds like Chicago is “far away” I wonder what intrigued him about the city of Chicago?..no matter what, probably best to keep him closer to home in your region if Chicagoland doesn’t float his boat. If he’s getting himself up in the morning to go to school, if he’s getting his work done at school (even if it’s marginal work), if he makes good choices about how he spends his free time or dare I say he’s smart enough not to get caught, he’s probably “ready for college.” What happens once he gets there is the crap shoot…but it is for every single parent.</p>