Ok so I have a bit of an odd story but I dont really know what to do.
So met this boy back in december and we really hit it off and we became really close friends and decided to start dating. But the thing is, we are both going to the same college.
We both decided to go to this college before the both of us had even met, so there was no like persuasion or someone following the other. but id definitely rather not go to the same school. i havent put down my desposit yet, what should i do??
btw, i really want to go to this school and gave up a full ride scholarship to a different one for this
I wouldn’t let a boy decide whether or not you go to a good school. If the school’s big enough or you’re in different majors, you won’t see him often. Do you want to break up with him? You’re going to have exes in college, too, so this is good practice.
I definitely don’t want to break up with him! Especially not right now. It’s not a big school at all it’s 5,000 people. We’re not the same major which is good. I also just don’t want to have to deal with people saying things like oh!!! You just chose there for him!! Or little things like that because we’ve both just wanted to go there forever
At some point you’re going to have to deal with nosy people. If you enroll in another college, what’s to stop them from saying that you went there to get away from him? Most people won’t care why you attend a particular college. Go where you want and don’t worry about what people might say.
At 20, you care what everyone thinks. At 40, you don’t care what anyone thinks. At 60, you realize nobody was thinking of you in the first place. – W. Churchill
Don’t let “what people think” enter into any part of your decision process.
Go to the school. Talk to him now and agree that you will both make your individual educations the priority. Keep things light and don’t move too fast. This is a time in your life when you should be focused on your personal goals, while you have no strings or responsibilities to distract you.
My D, currently a college junior, and she and her boyfriend have been together for 5 years, since high school. Their school is about the same size as the one you are considering and they can go a long time without setting eyes on each other unless they agree to do so (which they do…lunch, dinner, studying)
TBH…not a lot of high school relationships carry over past the first semester or year. I consider my D and her boyfriend to be an exception not the rule. Love that kid, too. They have been great for each other. Kind of lucked out there as parents go.
Pretend you are not dating. Pick the school you want. The worst would be if you broke up or even stayed together and you were at a school where you didn’t want to be.
You have two options:
Break up before the summer and stay as friends and let yourself both have a fresh start at collge
Stay together…making sure that each other is not limiting you both too much
This is what usually happens with HS Boyfriends/Girlfriends:
You swear YOU TWO ARE DIFFERENT! You can make it work!
At first you facetime every day!
But then you realize that is annoying to your roommate/you have no privacy so you try to find times to facetime when your roommate isn’t there.
But you have classes and he has classes and you joined that club and he is on the intramural soccer team so maybe we can talk on Tuesdays.
He has that co-ed group of friends he goes out on weekends with and you have your group from the dorm.
Oh, here comes Fall break…but his is at a different weekend than yours so you can’t get together…
There is that one person in the group that you/he kind of likes…but you have girl/boyfriend!
Why isn’t he talking to you as often? or Why are you looking at excuses not to talk to him?
So you look forward to thanksgiving…but by then you are kind of really into that other guy/he is really into that other girl and you kind of get together over break and ooohhhhh noooo you have a fight about not talking as much anymore and you break up.
It’s called the Turkey Drop.
Their comments suggest a state of maturity that is perfectly normal for someone who is ~17 years old.
But if you really want to go to this school, OP, don’t let the boyfriend change your mind about that! You’ve spent a whole year choosing this school that you feel is a good fit for you for so many reasons. Think about this: How would you feel if, by this December, the two of you aren’t together anymore and you went to a second-choice school to avoid him?
People will often make assumptions about your motivations (a lot of people assumed I chose my college to be across the street from my then boyfriend; our colleges were in the same consortium). It’s annoying at first and then after a while, you learn to smile and move on. the experience you’re going to have is way more important than people’s assumptions!
I agree with most everyone. PLEASE don’t let a romance at this stage of your life determine where you go to college. You can’t do your Undergrad years over again and if you’re meant to be together, you will be. As a male, I can tell you boys are dogs, especially in college and having your BF at the same campus will hinder you from exploring life to your full potential. Best to you
This is a toughie. Basically, you chose a college. Your boyfriend chose a college. THEN you guys met. And now you realize you’ll be going to the same college. Well, I doubt either of you would want to withdraw from a college that appears to be both of your first choices. I guess you’ll just need to find a way to talk it through beforehand.
College is very different than HS. No one will care how or when you meet your boyfriend. As for your HS friends, I really wouldn’t worry about what they think.