History Statement of Purpose -- What do you think?

Below is the 1st draft of my statement of purpose. I plan to apply to history/public history programs. I have blanked personal info.

If you read this and want to offer advice, I am less concerned with the grammar and stuff (I will make that perfect later) and more concerned with the my writing style and how I approach the these questions:

Why do you want to obtain a Master’s degree in history?
If admitted, what field(s) would you be most interested in studying and why? (If appropriate, include discussion of the public history or world history tracks.)
How have you prepared yourself to undertake advanced study in this field? If appropriate, include discussion of relevant co-curricular, volunteering, or work experiences.
If foreign language skills are advisable for research in your chosen field, what previous language study have you undertaken and what plans do you have for further language study?
How would the MA Program serve your interests in terms of curriculum, faculty research areas, or program specialties?

Statement of Purpose:

I want to obtain a Master’s degree because I am ultimately pursuing a career in a museum or archive, where I can help positively impact the lives and minds of children and adults to think critically about and learn from the history being presented to them and help preserve the historical record. I have to work, and I cannot think of a better way to earn a living than working in the public history field. In order for me to obtain this job, I need further training in traditional history training and public history. Right now, I do not possess the skills needed to excel in public history. I need further training in both traditional history coursework and hands-on public history courses and internships in order to fully understand the depth of public history and how I can apply the skills I have gained as an undergrad and the skills I will gain in graduate school.

If admitted, I would like to pursue the public history track. Although I enjoy traditional history courses and understand why a basis of traditional historical knowledge complements public history, pubic history is my desired vocation. The most meaningful experiences I have had as an undergraduate have been when I am interning and volunteering in museum and archive settings, helping to create a museum atmosphere where children and adults can engage with the past. I have enjoyed and been challenged by the broad range of local public history experiences which I have completed so far.

Through my undergraduate journey as a history major, I have learned how to think critically and analytically, how to find and evaluate evidence, how to both assess and present a multi-faceted argument that illustrated the complicated, intricate issues of historical discussions. Through my educational, community, and professional achievements, I have proven that I am an organized, hard-working, and self-motivated individual. Coupled with traditional history coursework, my minor in public history allowed me to apply the invaluable skills I learned through volunteering and interning. Through my volunteer work at ____, I have gained museum education and interpretation skills by operating as a docent and facilitator of visitor participation with interactive displays during summer, winter, and spring education and community programs. Furthering my museum education skills, I interned at , where I brainstormed for and instigated interactive activities for the museum’s displays. At , I learned how to use the museum’s PastPerfect database, restore damaged photos, and catalogues and inventoried documents and photos. Using these skills, I created and maintained a basic cataloguing system in Excel for _, a small house museum in .

Because I hope to work in the public history field in the United States, I hope to couple my public history courses with American history courses. I took one year of college-level Spanish. Although it may not be required for research, I am open to continued study in Spanish as I know it is a valuable and needed skill for the work place.

It is evident that the professors of the MA Program in public history are dedicated and passionate about offering students the best possible education they can receive and training them for a career in public history. ___ offers students many opportunities for community involvement, such as _________, which is an essential element of a public history program. For these two main reasons, is the perfect fit for me. My educational journey is in no way complete; I still have much to learn. I look forward to refining and polishing the skills I already possess and learning new skills in graduate school.