<p>It's second quarter at my college. Although I feel like my college is a great opportunity, there is this constant feeling of desperation. I am 4 hours away from home and miss everything about it, especially my mom. I feel like I'm droning though life right now and nothing seems to make me happy. I had this feeling since the beginning of school and I thought if I had given it some time, this feeling would have passed. I've made friends and joined a couple clubs to try to get my mind off things, but I always seems to find myself in a constant state of depression. </p>
<p>However, the thing is if I do transfer, I would have to go to a community college, then transfer. I just don't know how that would work out. Also I would feel like I failed my parents. I'm going to talk to a counselor tomorrow to try and figure some things out. And I've talked to my friends who all encourage me to stay. I however have not talked with my mom because I'm afraid she would be disappointed.</p>
<p>I just want to know how parents of college students would respond if there son/daughter called feeling this way.</p>
<p>Good for you for seeing a counselor. If you were my kid, I’d encourage you to see the counselor for a few weeks and see how you feel. I’d also assure you that if you didn’t feel better about staying at school after that, you might consider taking a leave of absence. I don’t think I’d want you to start at another college right away, even a junior college, until you took a bit of time off.<br>
Sometimes kids go to college right after high school because that 's what is expected, yet they really don’t have any goals or plans for the future, and they don’t connect with their studies because of it. Maybe you’d rather be close to home and get a job for awhile before going back to school.
I would not be disappointed if you told me you weren’t happy. I think I’d be sad if I knew you continued doing something that made you unhappy because you didn’t want to disappoint me.<br>
Good luck with your counselor appointment. I hope you are able to get some clarity on your situation.</p>
<p>At the same time, a certain amount of missing home is normal, and I’m sure your family and friends miss you, too. It shows a good connection to a good childhood. You can do two things at once, though. You can miss home and still be successful at college. Try to power through it with the help and support of home and the counselor you’re seeing (which, I agree, is a great resource). I’m a mom, too, and I would try to encourage my kiddo to stay at school. Call everyday, if you like, to remain in touch. But you are on the road to transitioning to living your own life. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. If it gets unbearable, then go on to the next step. If it’s truly constant, and truly a depression, then it’s not good. While I have no way of knowing the scale of sadness you’re feeling, nor does any of us on this anonymous forum, maybe it comes and goes and you can get strength from the times when it’s less painful, and know that the times of hurt will pass and will get less intense as time goes on. Hang in there!</p>
<p>When considering transferring to be closer to home (or to live at home and commute), it’s important to realize that life as you knew it in high school (and as you still know it during college breaks) is not the life you would have when college is in session.</p>
<p>Unless most of your hometown friends are attending commuter or suitcase schools, they won’t be around during the school semesters. So, except for your family, you may be very lonely at home.</p>
<p>Change is always difficult and I think what you are feeling is totally normal. While others may do a better job of hiding their emotions, I bet more freshmen than you think are feeling the same way. I would stick it out through this year - the rest of the year will fly by. Going back to college in the fall as a sophomore is a very different experience. Things only get better after freshman year as you are no longer the “newbies” as my children put it. </p>
<p>One thing I would suggest to you if you have the time is to think about getting a part time job off campus. A college campus can sometimes close in on you, no matter how big or small the college is. Sometimes getting off campus and interacting with the outside world helps to keep things in balance. I know I felt suffocated at my small suburban LAC by my junior year - I just lost interest in the predictable social life and my schedule became monotonous. Getting a part time job for me was a godsend - I made friends outside my college circle, enjoyed a change of atmosphere a few days a week and made some extra spending money as well! Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>KevinJALax - Change is very difficult and being away from home for the first time can be so much harder than you anticipated. I’m happy to hear that you have made some friends and joined some clubs. I also suggest talking to a counselor to help you understand that these feelings are normal and to give you suggestions for coping. I know many kids that did not really feel good at their colleges until almost the end of their first year. </p>
<p>I have a freshman D who is now home after just one semester of college 2,500 miles from home. Her main reason for leaving the school was that the focus was too narrow for what she has decided she would like to major in. She also ended up with roommates that all lived close and went home every weekend leaving her very lonely. It took my D a long time to make friends and she spoke to a counselor to help with her feelings of sadness and missing home. My D is home and will do junior college beginning in 3 weeks. She has excellent grades after her first semester and a plan to move forward that my H and I are supportive of.</p>
<p>I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. Second semester freshman, except 10 hours from home, and i just got back from about three weeks of winter break. It doesn’t feel good. I wish the break was longer, I wish I could spend a lot more time with my family, you know, and I miss my little sister a lot. At the beginning of the year, for a very long while, I felt homesick and was like “what am I doing here, why did I choose a college so far away?” But later, as the first semester ended, it seemed all right, I made it through. Now I think it’s just a repeat of the cycle, except maybe to a lesser extent.</p>
<p>I think about transferring, too, but like you I feel it’d be failing my parents, and maybe myself, idk. But yeah, telling your mom is good, I think she’d rather you tell her than keep it inside. Hopefully as time passes, everything would get better for both of us</p>
<p>Kevin, my Son is a first year college student who goes to school 4 hours away from home. We live in NJ and he was the only one of his friends to go out of state. He loves his school, made some great friends, lives in a beautiful Suite and made it into a top program at the school. The one thing he had not counted on was being as homesick as he is. He finally admitted that he didn’t expect these feelings. He is a homebody and has a great group of friends home that come home at least once or twice a month to get together and he misses that.</p>
<p>I asked him if he would like to transfer and let him know that it is his choice and we would not be disappointed at all. We just want him to be happy. He is staying put but have you talked to your Mom? I bet she wants you to be happy. 4 years is a long time to be miserable. You should think about it for the next couple of months and see what will make you happy in the long run. Good luck in whatever you decide.</p>
<p>I feel completely the same as you. I’m at a school about four or five hours from home and I feel exactly the same. I HATE being this far from home. I have a lot of anxiety and nervousness being away so I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I really know how you feel and trust me it’s awful. If you want someone to talk to who knows what it’s like, please feel free to contact me. </p>
<p>In all honesty, the best thing to do might be to stay for at least another semester. I have thought about it over and over again what the best things would be in the long run. It would be so easy and great to transfer home, but would it really help you in 5, 10, even 20 years? I think if you stay and get through this it will make you such a stronger person and help you get through even harder obstacles in the future, and you might find that you actually really like this school. Not saying that you shouldn’t transfer home if you are really miserable or feel you can’t do it. If you can stick it out I think you should but if not it is not the end of the world and you still have the chance to accomplish your dreams.</p>
<p>I had a hard time when I was college with being homesick and particularly leaving my mother. I am the youngest and when I would go home to visit, I would be upset to see that there wasn’t much food in the refrigerator and worried that my mother wasn’t eating. My mother never knew this and still doesn’t.
I did drop out and never went back, sadly
If I had to do it all over , I would have stuck it out , and I think my mother would have preferred that too</p>