<p>I am not sure if this is in the right forum but I am hoping some of you parents who have survived sending the first off to college will offer some advice. Left D at her school yesterday. She has been a mixed bag of emotions all summer--excited to be going, sad to be leaving. As leaving time got closer, the sad took over (saying goodbye to friends who are staying in town didn't help). A text message this morning that she is homesick but okay. I am a mess--weepy about her being gone but also worried about how to help her adjust. What do people do to get through these first few days (weeks? months?)?</p>
<p>Here’s a few past threads to get you started. I’m sure many others will join in.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/557851-homesick-lovesick.html?highlight=homesick[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/557851-homesick-lovesick.html?highlight=homesick</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/454421-feeling-homesick-during-second-semester.html?highlight=homesick[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/454421-feeling-homesick-during-second-semester.html?highlight=homesick</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/139433-second-semester-freshman-homesick.html?highlight=homesick[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/139433-second-semester-freshman-homesick.html?highlight=homesick</a></p>
<p>No personally experience, as my 2 (s&d) were the opposite end of the spectrum, going incommunicado for weeks on end. </p>
<p>Hang in there.</p>
<p>This will be me a year from now, so anxiously awating responses. (((HUGS))) to you.</p>
<p>Parents are much more likely to hear from college students when they’re miserable. When these students are busy and happy, they tend not to call, and they may become busy and happy right after sending a text message.</p>
<p>Cell phones and the Internet allow us parents to be in much more frequent touch with our college students than our parents were with us, and this modern age has its disadvantages. My thoughts are that most college students adjust quicker when they really are on their own, not tied by cell phone, etc. to parents. </p>
<p>Also check out the empty nest thread pinned to the top of the cafe.</p>
<p>I would not interfere. I always control urge to call. On my own side, I have found brand new activity for myself to make it easier in after working hours. I love it, makes me so happy that I have no time to be sad.</p>
<p>I agree, the fact that she said she is “homesick but okay” is just that. She is missing home but she’s OK. I think mine get “homesick”, too, each time they visit home and return but they quickly adjust. Did you agree on a day to “check in” via phone? If not, give it a few more days until a week is up and give a call. If she texted you this morning, send a quick text telling her you are glad she is OK and that you miss her too but leave it at that – is my opinion.</p>
<p>My D’s freshman year was quite a roller coaster, and I tended to hear about many more of the downs than the ups. I second Northstarmom. I think the fact that D could call me anytime (often 2am) crying and miserable didn’t help her situation. </p>
<p>She will be a senior this year, but I still think of that first year as really tough on both of us. I don’t worry so much about her now, though she still calls me when she is sick.</p>
<p>D is junior and has rough time (at home) going back to school after every time she visits. She has very close HS friends at home and tons of friends at college and very happy with her college choice. She has never called crying, but has been stressed out sometime when going get tough there academically. I told her and she has agreed to take less credit hours this and next semester. I hope it will help.</p>
<p>A year ago - I felt the same way. It does get better.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html</a></p>
<p>It was wonderful to see all the kids in my daughter’s dorm, who were miserably homesick (some even planning to leave after first semester and go home) absolutely blossom in second semester.</p>
<p>I can still remember our son shuffling off, away from my car, head down, looking so bereft, and how I cried all the way home. By the end of the year, he had found a home at school, and in the next 3 years, that only deepened.</p>
<p>I think that listening to the feelings, presenting positive predictions about the future (without denying the present), expressing confidence in the kid, and perhaps especially emphasizing the normalcy in everything everyone is feeling, is so helpful.</p>
<p>This transition is such a big deal. Our culture tells us that it is a transition that is normal and expected, at least for many kids, but that doesn’t make it any easier.</p>
<p>By the way I think it is wonderful that this daughter thought to add “I’m okay” to her message of missing home.</p>
<p>I would try to stay as hands off as possible as far as the homesickness goes unless she contacts you, which case tell her you miss her and be supportive, but downplay it-- she doesn’t need to know you’re a weepy mess. She needs to know that it is NOT the end of the world to be away, and she has to have the opportunity to learn that she CAN do this without holding your hand, or she will stay homesick. I know it’s tempting to call her every day and tell her you miss her like crazy, but if she keeps clinging to you she won’t be able to adjust.</p>
<p>My daughter was very happy when she started as a freshman at her school. She is currently studying abroad 7000 miles away. For the first month she was homesick (I think she missed her boyfriend more). It was painful for me to listen to her because I missed her too. I tried not to dwell on her homesickness on the phone, instead I tried to talk about other stuff (new job, sightseeing, travel, food, new friends). She was down on everything about the place - public transportation, lack of internet access,bad food at her dorm, undesirable local girls in her dorm. I bought her broadband internet service so she could Skype us and her boyfriend. But I refused to talk extensively about all of other negatives. When she talked about bad food, I suggested for her to go out to try all the new food out there. When she started to complain about how unfriendly those girls were, I told her it’s probably because they were ugly (I don’t know, I have never met them before). A month later, it’s not perfect, but she is doing a lot better. She has more friends outside of her dorm, she loves her work, and her classes are also picking up. Of course, the fact I decided to pay for her trip to Fiji for her Oct break helped also.</p>
<p>It is hard but it does get better. And even when it gets better there will be moments when its hard not to be sad (just had one as I was dusting her piano and putting away her music). I miss her – but I miss hearing about her day and what is going on in her life. She has always been a talker, so I heard all about what was going on in school, with friends, etc. I know that she is doing all sorts of new things with new friends, having new experiences, and I don’t get to share. As it should be . . . but I miss it. But this is D2 - so I have been through this before – and it does get better. You adapt. I do agree with MiamiDAP - it helps if you can rechannel your energy and passion into something you enjoy that is just for you.</p>