I’m currently a sophomore at a private boarding school in New England, and I’ve been homesick whenever I come back from a break like Thanksgiving, Winter Break, or Spring break. I don’t know why but I’m usually not depressed after a week of school upon our return - perhaps because I’m too busy and have a lot of work to do.
Whenever I return from break, there’s this unbearable depression coming towards me that’s very painful. I often cry the night before school resumes, and I’m extremely painful emotionally. I really love my family but my school is across the globe from my hometown. Whenever I think of the past and the good old times with my family, I always cry and there’s no way to stop myself.
Another thing to mention is that Winter break is actually 20 days away from now, which is the return from Thanksgiving break. It’s good to know that the time will pass very quickly without notice, but at the same time I feel like life is just repetitive - going to school, back with my family, going to school, back with my family… And when I finish college, I’ll be 21 already and I’ll regret for not spending more time with them even though I will during the breaks.
Please help me so I’m not waking up at 5 every morning and crying in my bed…
Please reach out to an adult you trust at school, whether it be a dorm head, teacher, or counselor. They’ll be able to help you better than any stranger on the internet.
@AmericanScholar – My heart hurts for you and the pain you are in. You are not alone and your heartbreak matters. I would echo the encouragement to reach out to an adult you trust today. Don’t wait another day to get someone in your corner in real life. I promise you that people around you care about this, and if you let someone in, you can get help with this, and there is hope. Can you think of even one person you could talk to today?
@AmericanScholar Pls go to the student health center and speak to someone or speak to your advisor you will feel much better.
Yes to all of the above. I was also a nervous wreck returning to school after vacation. Not everyone is in a place socially to feel eagerness and happiness climbing into that bus, plane or car and heading back to campus. The only thing that I can tell you that appears to be mostly true, not always, but mostly, is that time gives you comfort and perspective, making you less anxious, giving you more self-confidence and happiness. It sneaks up on you. All of a sudden one day you realize that you don’t feel like crying every morning. This change happens for kids at wildly different times and at different paces. I did not get comfortable going back to school until I was a junior! My son was comfortable on day 1. That’s how radical the differences can be. Be gentle with yourself, good to yourself. Go talk to someone like the other posters said, someone with whom you can be honest and cry if you want to. And two final notes:
- Do your best, no matter how hard, to get engaged with activities that you like. You may already be doing this, but if you're not, try. It gets you closer to people who share similar interests and usually leads to nice friendships.
- The great paradox of spending less time at home while in BS and college is that the time you do have with family is almost always richer.
Sending you a ton of support vibes. Go find someone to talk to. There IS a brighter, happier future right around the corner.
@AmericanScholar: The gift that you have been given is to cherish your family & to make the most of the time that you do spend with them.
Try to view your blessings–attending a great school with serious students & faculty while learning to cherish your family-- as a positive.
To the OP - is there a peer counseling group at your school, as well as an adult counselor to speak with? Please find someone to speak with you about this. You are not alone!
In speaking with my kiddo and a few classmates, they tell me that some of their emotions upon returning to school are tied to the ambivalence they feel. They have shared with us that they sometimes feel “not here or there’ - No longer a part of the friend group back home and not really YET feeling fully established with BS groups. Also, they speak of where is “home”? Is home at home, or now feeling like BS is becoming more like home. So, a lot of what you’re speaking about is something that many kids go through and it makes sense. You are not alone! Agree with @Publisher about feeling better with blessings and look at all the positives in your life. The fact that you posted these feeling above is a great first step and you probably helped some other student reading this post, also, who might have similar feelings.