Just curious as to why you did not have kiddos transfer if life is so difficult for your athletes at a top boarding school. Are they twins? Did the first not learn from the next? Or did you come to this conclusion junior year or later in the high school process? Sorry to pry, just intrigued as to why some stick it out if it is not working.
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@Skilled-soda
They both were in love with their schools and had drunk the kool aid. Transferring would have broken their hearts even if the parents saw it as the right decision. I want an easier time for them, easier isnât something my kids have ever wanted.
The reason I bring it up often is that I want other people to know that when top schools tell you âif your kid is good at time management this is doableâ you should be very very skeptical. It is in their interest to have your kid if they will be a freshman varsity starter, it might not be in your kidâs best interest. And one of the things does slip. The kids I know at our school either give up academics (some because they are going IVY no matter what and some because they donât care and are fine going to UMaine) or they let sports slip (one of the girls could have been a D1 player but just couldnât keep up with her club team so ended up going D3 (again, itâs fine, sheâs going to a great school, but she had a dream to play at a certain level, certain school and couldnât make it work and pull top grades at a top BS). So if kids go this route, they will end up making choices and sacrifices.
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This is an important and helpful perspective that I donât think many are aware of as they start the BS journey. Thank you for sharing!
^^^ Balance and priorities are really important considerations. And itâs important to think through what the outcomes might be.
As someone who has been around this forum for over 5 years and was a BS parent for the 4 before that, I think that the vast majority of parents with kids who are high level athletes and who are good students believe that their kids are going to continue to be at the top of both the academic and athletic heap when they head off to BS.
The high school years in general create a shake-out for athletes. Many kids who seemed to be on the D1 track lose their drive, â whether they are at BS or at LPS. They have talent and work hard but donât really have what it takes to beat out every other talented, driven player. And some donât have the time because of other obligations or interestsâŠ
And as often mentioned here, half of the high flyers admitted to any BS, including the most selective, are now going to be in the bottom half of the class. And plenty of these kids will be doing hours of homework.
In addition to understanding the challenges @one1ofeach mentions, both parents and kids need to be more realistic about where they fit overall in their new ponds. Not every Olympian is capable of winning gold⊠Everyone entering BS as a top athlete should read @one1ofeach posts and honestly assess their expectations.
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This was our experience on revisits. Just because the school allows you to do it, it does not mean there is room for it or that they support the kid doing it.
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Right, the same coach who told us it was doable when we were admits said âwhat?â when I asked how to make it work spring of attending. Immaterial in the end because of Covid but I was surprised that there was almost zero support and I had to fight hard for even a little slip in policy.
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My husband and I were JUST talking about this last night. He was kind of wistfully bemoaning that our oldest could have been a D1 level player and I said, sure but she chose to pull top grades at one of the top BS in the country. She would not have been able to do both and she was realistic that she wasnât pro level so trying for D1 seemed silly.
My son is struggling more with this choice. Wanting bothâŠ
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@one1ofeach , not saying this about your kid, but MANY kids choose a focus on academics, social life, whatever BECAUSE they lack that insane desire that would make them put more time/effort into their sport. BECAUSE itâs not the be all end all for them. BECAUSE they want balance in their lives. They may have found something other than BS academics for some of their energy.
When they really want both and there are still only 24 hours in the day, thatâs tough. I feel for your younger one.
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@gardenstategal
100% agree. Most D1 kids are little crazy. I donât mean that in a bad way at all.
Over winter when my son could go to practice because school was virtual he kept saying âI just donât understand my teammates - they donât have any homework, they donât spend any time thinking about school.â Even the ones at good LPS just donât have the time commitment on any level of the high level prep/BS. That just makes it a lot easier to be super devoted to your sport.
I would also add that choices have to be made beyond sports. The theater kid who does semi-professional work, the kid in the regional orchestra and the kid doing anything at a high level esp. natâl/international has to make tough choices as well. Very similar to the choices sports kids make.
There are many kids like this at BS, beyond Div I athletes. As kids move into higher grades they may also be expected to lead the team( non-sports), take on bigger roles or step into other types of learning. Can be tough if kids are taking tough classes.
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So right, @Happytimes2001 . DS had a couple of friends juggling commitments like thisâŠ
A lot of people feel (and I think they are right) that a private school will give them more flexibility than the LPS when it comes to absences for âeliteâ activities. But most BS, with the many requirements for students both in and outside the classroom, are not the right avenue. Around us, the day schools seem to do better in this regard. They donât have a claim on so much of a studentâs time and they are more agreeable about outside tutoring.
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Most definitely. People didnât understand why a LDS was our second choice, particularly one that did not have our sport. They would have given us a waiver, and we would have been able to focus on club without the dealing with the tug of war between teams. Balance was very high on my list of priorities.
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Many actually make this choice. I think a lot of parents look at their options including the day vs. BS option and pick one.
Itâs very common in areas with lots of private school options for kids to apply to both and then see what is the best fit.
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Speaking of grade inflation, deflation, compression. This is a quote from the Circle Voice at Groton and is exactly what I have been claiming to everyone I know for a while:
John Lyons explains that, at least for the History Department, âwhat a 92 is worth today is, generally speaking, what a 92 was worth ten years ago. But what an 82 is worth today is what a 76 was worth a decade ago.â In other words, while top students have not benefited much from the upward shift in grades, students with lower averages are causing the rift, at least on paper. âThe best students canât distinguish themselves as much anymore,â says Mr. Lyons.
When Mr. Lyons was Head of the History Department, the goal was to have a student average of 83
Hi- Can you elaborate and âmore agreeable to outside tutoringâ and context of this regarding time for elite sports at BS?
or maybe you are referring to tutoring in terms of homework in general at BS.
Many BS have policies around outside tutoring-- as in âdonât do it.â. If you need help, you are supposed to go to consultation, and if you need more help than that, they may find another way for you to get help. But hiring an outside tutor, to assist with the teaching and in particular, homework and assignments, is not okay.
Many of the day schools do not have these rules and at many, itâs common for kids to use outside tutors. Itâs harder for the school to police and the students and teachers donât have the same easy access to each other.
This is a cultural difference that affects everyone. But if you are a student who is missing class and consultation time for you non-school league sport, you may need a tutor to master the material. And you may not have hours to try to figure out how to master material. Itâs far easier to plug this gap if you are in an environment where itâs fine, in fact the norm, to get outside tutoring help than in one that has policies against it.
Wow! I had no idea boarding/day schools had such utter control over our children upon registering. Itâs making me wonder why any family would give up so much control to one institution. We still live in the USâŠno? There seriously needs to be a boarding school 101 for dummies like me prior to applying. It would save the school, families and students dying to attend on wait lists a lot of grief.
Weeellllllllll, that is overstating it quite a bit. I have purchased a service, and can pull my kid if I donât like how they deliver that service.
It wouldnât cross my mind to hire a tutor - One of the points of bs is that high end teachers and support are available all day every day. What does a tutor add, other than even more expense? But if you have a kid that is NOT there all day every day to get full use of those services, then I get you may need to supplement. I just wouldnât expect the school to facilitate it. If the kid needs extra attention from a teacher, the teacher is right there.
And not for nothing, one of the other points of bs is that the kiddo is supposed to learn to self-advocate, and ask for help themselves. Having a parent step in and schedule a tutor kind of goes against that goal. Not saying it isnât appropriate sometimes, though.
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Responding to the above couple of commentsâŠI have said it many times before, but it is advice worth repeating and relates to what my esteemed friend @CateCAParent posted:
YOU parents are paying a lot of $$ for boarding school, so encourage your kids to take advantage of the many learning opportunities provided by faculty.
Doâs & Dontâs:
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Do take advantage of your teachersâ office hours. They are there for a reason! Smart and strategic kids âin the knowâ go to office hours. Itâs not like in middle school where those âbehindâ needed to go for office hours. At some boarding schools, attending office hours is a strategic âpowerâ move. In some cases, it might be standing-room-only during office hours. It was kiddoâs experience that a heck of a lot of teaching was done during those office hours - important information that was later on the test. Speaking in a small group or privately provides an opportunity to clarify what the teacher is looking for on upcoming tests or essays, also.
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Do take advantage of any peer tutoring or sanctioned/approved tutorials your school offers. Your parents are paying for this and you have every right to get this. Use it. Some schools also have faculty members on hand in the library or study halls to help. Not all peer tutors are helpful or even know their subject. Tell your advisor and change. Also, do not wait until your are dog-paddling in a course to get help.
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Do understand that many students at BS get tutored. There are many students who will deny it, but who seem to get extra help and helpful information via WeChat
(yep, we know who you are). -
Donât get stuck in a course that is over your head. Being in the wrong course can lead to more homework, more stress, and more time on it than necessary. Do take advantage of drop-add periods at the start of each term. Check with your advisor or academic dean before you start school on what your schoolâ s policy is on dropping or changing courses. Many kids change courses - it is not unusual and donât feel pressured to stay in a course that is way above your level of preparedness or comfort.
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Do try to get the â411â on the teachers - hopefully before you register for the course. Older students are a good source of info.
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Do be honest with yourself about the comfort level you may or may not have if you get a course where your instructor is also your coach. Some kids like this, others do not.
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Do manage time for homework, sports, ECâs with time for doing your ACT/SAT prep. Know when your school offers ACT/SAT prep courses and remember to schedule in time for that. You do not want to be prepping for the ACT/SAT test the same week a major assignment is due. Starting prepping early.
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Do be strategic on when to take certain courses, if this is possible. Think about your athletic or performing arts schedule, and how much time this will eat into your study time.
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